A Baby STep in My Journey
Thursday, May 20, 2010
It's Thursday morning, almost 9:00.
I have not messed this day up...yet!
My typical pattern lately is to wake up, say I am going to make it a day that counts...and then I slowly self destruct and begin unravelling...by the end of breakfast.
I am tired. The kids activities have me crazy, and the end of the school year has so much going on. How is there so much more laundry than usual? More mud maybe! I have so much I want to get done, yet don't get much accomplished. I have not logged any fitness minutes so far this month. I had averaged over 1000 months every month since January...until this month. That is one heavy pile of excuses!
Maybe I need to remind myself why I want this success:
I KNOW that carrying around extra weight shows the world that I have no self control. That I am not able to say "NO" to that cookie. That I deal with my emotions with food. The biggest reason I want this is that it is CRUCIAL that I become in control of my life and myself. Being out of control just doesn't look good....and it really doesn't taste good. It do not like the way I feel when I am so out of control. My inner self and outerself have never felt more disconnected. The scary part is, I do not want my inner self to start to embrace this outer thing I've got going on...because once they connect and I accept this as"me"...well, that would be awful.
I want to be comfortable with myself.
I want my confidence back.
I want to appreciate this life and body God gave me.
I want to be peaceful.
So, today I have a plan:
WATER! 6 waterbottles full.
Fat Smash eating plan- all day! Day 1!
Exercise- minimum 30 minutes where my heart says- yippee! thanks!
It is now 5 minutes later...and I haven't messed the day up. Now that I blogged about it, I feel comfortable that today...I won't!!
I can WANT something with every fiber of my being..wanting won't make it happen....but what am I gonna DO about it? Just wanting it is not working! Maybe I need to "fake it til I feel it"...go through the motions....do whatever I need to do to fill the gap between my desire and my deeds!