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A Baby STep in My Journey

Thursday, May 20, 2010

It's Thursday morning, almost 9:00.

I have not messed this day up...yet!
My typical pattern lately is to wake up, say I am going to make it a day that counts...and then I slowly self destruct and begin unravelling...by the end of breakfast.

I am tired. The kids activities have me crazy, and the end of the school year has so much going on. How is there so much more laundry than usual? More mud maybe! I have so much I want to get done, yet don't get much accomplished. I have not logged any fitness minutes so far this month. I had averaged over 1000 months every month since January...until this month. That is one heavy pile of excuses!

Maybe I need to remind myself why I want this success:
I KNOW that carrying around extra weight shows the world that I have no self control. That I am not able to say "NO" to that cookie. That I deal with my emotions with food. The biggest reason I want this is that it is CRUCIAL that I become in control of my life and myself. Being out of control just doesn't look good....and it really doesn't taste good. It do not like the way I feel when I am so out of control. My inner self and outerself have never felt more disconnected. The scary part is, I do not want my inner self to start to embrace this outer thing I've got going on...because once they connect and I accept this as"me"...well, that would be awful.

I want to be comfortable with myself.
I want my confidence back.
I want to appreciate this life and body God gave me.
I want to be peaceful.

So, today I have a plan:
WATER! 6 waterbottles full.
Fat Smash eating plan- all day! Day 1!
Exercise- minimum 30 minutes where my heart says- yippee! thanks!

It is now 5 minutes later...and I haven't messed the day up. Now that I blogged about it, I feel comfortable that today...I won't!!

I can WANT something with every fiber of my being..wanting won't make it happen....but what am I gonna DO about it? Just wanting it is not working! Maybe I need to "fake it til I feel it"...go through the motions....do whatever I need to do to fill the gap between my desire and my deeds!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • -GOT2FINISH-
    Hang in there girl!
    Right now it sounds like you have to many irons on the fire!
    It'll get better as the fire cools off..at least for a while.

    You know we've both have fell off & pulled ourself back on the darn wagon a whole lotta times! And we both know how that reaching out & grabbing that helping hand makes it a whole lot easier to get back on! Here anytime you need me!
    emoticon
    3942 days ago
  • KNITTABLES
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3943 days ago
  • GINA7249
    Good luck

    Hi honey! Love this blog, because you directly mapped out exactly what you want to do and WHY. I think that once you get a streak going and experience some real success, that will motivate you to keep going. You know what to do, now go do it! Just think of where you'll be in 6 months... will u be feeling and looking better? Or still at the point you're at now? hopefully the later more then second one. I love what you said about wanting something with every fiber of your being, but needing to act on it to make it reality. u can do this and i know u know it. I struggle with that all the time, especially with getting my butt in gear to exercise when I really don't feel like it. But we can do this, my friend!!

    gina
    3943 days ago
  • WALKINGDAVE
    You know I've been really kind of wishy washy this month too, sure I've still walked but not enough or hard enough, but today I got up and did my exercises, I stretch and do leg lifts and just generally warm up my legs and back. And today I did that! so it's starting off better than most of last week. The dog is waiting for me to walk him, cause dh snuck out and went to town without him and I have lots to do so I guess I better just go to it. I have to make a fruit salad cause the kids are here today for a corn boil and bbq and I want to eat healthy. I'm going to make a rhubarb cobbler with extra rhubarb cause it's their favorite and I'm going to use splenda in the mix instead of sugar. So I guess I better get going and just move it. I like that statement fake it till I feel it.....I've done that a lot in my life so I think I'll do it too. At least that will get me moving and may trick my slower than normal brain to lighten up and enjoy life again. Keep on moving girl, the day has just begun and can only get better. emoticon
    3943 days ago
  • FIERCEONE4PEACE
    You are doing it hunny! Hang in there sweetie
    3943 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6368620
    Hi honey! Love this blog, because you mapped out exactly what you want to do and WHY. I think that once you get a streak going and experience some real success, that will motivate you to keep going. You know what to do, now go do it! You can do this, I know it. Just think of where you'll be in 6 months...feeling and looking better? Or still at the point you're at now? I love what you said about wanting something with every fiber of your being, but needing to act on it to make it reality. I struggle with that all the time, especially with getting my butt in gear to exercise when I really don't feel like it. But we can do this, my friend!!
    3943 days ago
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