To Blog Or Not To Blog...
Thursday, June 17, 2010
That is what has been on my mind this last week. I wanted to take some time away from blogging to see how I felt about it. The first couple of days I felt tremendous anxiety not blogging. I'm sure that stemmed from the commitment I made to myself and needing that structure to feel safe because if I just do this and this and this...you get the idea, then I had my routine and as long as I stuck to my routine, then everything would be just fine. What I learned this past week is that I don't need to blog in order to stay true to my healthy lifestyle...it's just an added bonus.
I also took a lot more time away from Spark to see how that felt. I have to say that at first I felt anxiety and guilt. More than anything I just missed the daily interaction with everyone. I do have a lot going on in my life away from the computer and I found that I was on Spark a lot! Too much...almost to the point of an addiction. I didn't think that was healthy either. So, now I'm trying to find a nice balance. I've never been much of a balancer. I'm not good at giving some of my attention here and some of my attention there. Something always suffers and I didn't want it to be me or my family. In some respects I feel this journey has made me a little selfish. Interestingly enough, people even encourage the me, me, me syndrome. I find that fascinating. I've been taught my whole life to give, give, give. Now I'm trying to find the balance between doing for myself and doing for others. I just wanna say that growing up is hard! I'm trying to figure out who I am. What do I like? How do I want to spend my time? Who do I want to spend my time with? How do I really love and accept me, faults and all? I've been so busy with being busy, that I don't know what it is that I really want. Being busy makes it easy to avoid the hard questions.
Today, I wanted to share my gratitude for my sparkbuddies. I feel truly blessed that I have you all in my life. You all bring something different in my life that I cherish. I haven't been the best buddy lately and I apologize for that. I'm not being hard on myself, I'm being realistic. I don't want permission to be a bad friend and if you tell me it's okay...well, it's not. I know we all have lives that get busy and we are all doing the best that we can. Spark is not supposed to be a stressful thing for any of us and somewhere along the way my spark got a little less sparkly.
Thanks for letting me get this off my mind. I really do have the best buddies on all of Spark! I hope you all have been having a fantastic week and I do hope you have the best day ever tomorrow! Catch ya later!!!!