I've Been Bad
Thursday, June 24, 2010
I feel like I've been in this rut of inconsistency. On some deeper level, I think I'm embarrassed and ashamed of myself for continuing to say, oh today I"m getting back on track.. and for that day, I am. It's not so much that I'm not ACTUALLY doing the things I need to, it's more the fact that I"m not logging everything on Spark.
I know that eventually I want to reach a point where I don't depend on an external website to keep me honest or to make me more aware--sure, I think after being Spark-obsessed for about two months has put me a step ahead of where I was before Spark.. even in my inconsistent state. That said, I still NEED something like Spark. I need it to remind me that even if I'm eating better, doesn't always mean I'm eating to lose...
Sometimes I see myself just going ahead and eating that Oreo or a couple M&Ms (and I really have been keeping those portions quite small!), but by not logging it into my larger eating schema, it's hard to tell if that little oreo or those three m&ms put me over in fats or carbs or whatever.
That said, since school let out last Friday, I have been super awesome about my cardio routine. Basically, now I"m just run/walking every other day and doing some biking on a couple of the off days. I'm trying to walk to meetings or the store rather than drive (though the weather in Chicago has been RIDICULOUS this past week). I'm working on 4 day cycle adding 15 seconds of running on each day. The first three days are a total of 40 minutes of cardio (and 2 days of circuit training afterwards), then one long run/walk day 60+ minutes.
Now, it's just a matter of logging... and getting back to logging what I eat. I want to be part of this community and I know that ultimately it's my actions that determine my involvement. Sometimes my own emotions get in the way of what's really best for me. So, I know that this time... this is not a false "re-start". I'm committed just like I was at the beginning... part of my commitment, however, is realizing that sometimes I"m going to lose track and the hardest thign to do is get back on track. If I can get started again, I've already jumped over the biggest hurdle!