Back to Me.
Friday, July 02, 2010
When I started this journey I must admit it was for vanity purposes and of course health. What I didn't realize that along the way I found so many things, the most important being me! I had really let myself go physically and emotionally. 10 years ago I lost my father and 9 years ago my mother.
I did ok for awhile had the support of my husband and friends, but eventually I fell apart. No matter how hard I tried, fear, depression, and anxiety took over my life for the past 8 years. I really gave over control of myself to my sadness.
After a few months on this journey I realized I had been living in a black hole.
I was keeping myself in this black hole by eatting more and more and having excuses daily for why I would start tomorrow. I was afraid to come out of the hole,life on the outside was to sad and scary to deal with. I used food for instant comfort and personal sabotage. If I stayed where I was it was safe. I would come up with excuses as to why I could not go somewhere or do something, but it was just me hiding in the hole. Come spring this year I started to take a peek outside the hole and it looked interesting. I started to imagine everytime I worked out that I was slowly pulling myself out of the hole. I'm not sure what really did it for me this time but its not just about vanity its about finding myself and becoming me again. I'm close to my goal and everyday I see me becoming more and more myself again. I'm out of the hole and I must say its pretty wonderful out here!
It hurts me to think that I wasted the last 8 years, but I cannot look back. I can only be grateful that I am standing out in the sunshine once again.
I have lost nearly 50 pounds and 40 inches and will continue to on this path
as the road back is so much harder than the road ahead!