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Wishing I Could Regain Control

Thursday, August 12, 2010

I seem to be spinning further and further out of control. I went shopping tonight, and I saw myself in a mirror, and it's no wonder that I'm huffing and puffing. My stomach (upper AND lower) are HUGE now. I feel much of the time like I have trouble breathing. Digestion is quirky. I keep heartburn and acid reflux. I feel hot all of the time, and by the time I get out of work, I am EXHAUSTED! I do good for a week and then I do bad for months. I'm frustrated with myself. When you don't see results, it's hard to continue the race. Tonight, I just feel like crying. I'm 5'6 and I weigh in at around 192 pounds. That's 60 pounds gained in five years. Forget how I look. I FEEL miserable. Heart disease is what kills 99% of my family. I KNOW I'm damaging my heart. Why can't I just DO it? It's hard to exercise when you can barely breath, and harder still when you have plantar fascitis and heel spurs. I am not trying to make excuses. It is what is is. It is me not doing what I need to. I just feel flat worn out. I'm so sad. I can't stand it.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thanks, Gnu! I appreciate all of you SO much!
    3692 days ago
    Oh honey, I DO understand what you're going through, and I can sense you desperately want to succeed. The wake up call for me was getting the numbers from my blood tests. When was the last time you had a physical? It had been several years for me, and the results scared the bajeebers out of me.

    But here's the good news. You can do this, as NWILKER said, one decision at a time. Commit to one decision at a time. I don't have my next blood draw until next week, but I do know that I've dropped about 20 pounds in the last 8 weeks.

    As always, I'm willing to be your accountability partner, as often and as long as you need me. emoticon
    3692 days ago
    Aw chickie, it is hard. But you have to just take it one day (one meal, one hour) at a time, and do it for you! Big old hug!!!
    3693 days ago
    I know how you feel and I am in the same boat, but we don't give up, we will get it right one day, and we have each other to help. I am praying for you and that God will help you in all of this. God Bless You

    3693 days ago
  • SWEETS86
    I totally understand this Blog, and can relate. Really it is just one day at a time. Accepting that we are human and pressing forward. I hope that you are feeling better about things soon. Be patient and give yourself credit for the good things you are doing!
    3693 days ago
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