Wishing I Could Regain Control
Thursday, August 12, 2010
I seem to be spinning further and further out of control. I went shopping tonight, and I saw myself in a mirror, and it's no wonder that I'm huffing and puffing. My stomach (upper AND lower) are HUGE now. I feel much of the time like I have trouble breathing. Digestion is quirky. I keep heartburn and acid reflux. I feel hot all of the time, and by the time I get out of work, I am EXHAUSTED! I do good for a week and then I do bad for months. I'm frustrated with myself. When you don't see results, it's hard to continue the race. Tonight, I just feel like crying. I'm 5'6 and I weigh in at around 192 pounds. That's 60 pounds gained in five years. Forget how I look. I FEEL miserable. Heart disease is what kills 99% of my family. I KNOW I'm damaging my heart. Why can't I just DO it? It's hard to exercise when you can barely breath, and harder still when you have plantar fascitis and heel spurs. I am not trying to make excuses. It is what is is. It is me not doing what I need to. I just feel flat worn out. I'm so sad. I can't stand it.