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Wishing I Could Regain Control

Thursday, August 12, 2010

I seem to be spinning further and further out of control. I went shopping tonight, and I saw myself in a mirror, and it's no wonder that I'm huffing and puffing. My stomach (upper AND lower) are HUGE now. I feel much of the time like I have trouble breathing. Digestion is quirky. I keep heartburn and acid reflux. I feel hot all of the time, and by the time I get out of work, I am EXHAUSTED! I do good for a week and then I do bad for months. I'm frustrated with myself. When you don't see results, it's hard to continue the race. Tonight, I just feel like crying. I'm 5'6 and I weigh in at around 192 pounds. That's 60 pounds gained in five years. Forget how I look. I FEEL miserable. Heart disease is what kills 99% of my family. I KNOW I'm damaging my heart. Why can't I just DO it? It's hard to exercise when you can barely breath, and harder still when you have plantar fascitis and heel spurs. I am not trying to make excuses. It is what is is. It is me not doing what I need to. I just feel flat worn out. I'm so sad. I can't stand it.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TSTRING
    Thanks, Gnu! I appreciate all of you SO much!
    3692 days ago
  • GNUATTITUDE
    Oh honey, I DO understand what you're going through, and I can sense you desperately want to succeed. The wake up call for me was getting the numbers from my blood tests. When was the last time you had a physical? It had been several years for me, and the results scared the bajeebers out of me.

    But here's the good news. You can do this, as NWILKER said, one decision at a time. Commit to one decision at a time. I don't have my next blood draw until next week, but I do know that I've dropped about 20 pounds in the last 8 weeks.

    As always, I'm willing to be your accountability partner, as often and as long as you need me. emoticon
    3692 days ago
  • NWILKER
    Aw chickie, it is hard. But you have to just take it one day (one meal, one hour) at a time, and do it for you! Big old hug!!!
    3693 days ago
  • FEVANS
    I know how you feel and I am in the same boat, but we don't give up, we will get it right one day, and we have each other to help. I am praying for you and that God will help you in all of this. God Bless You

    Felicia
    3693 days ago
  • SWEETS86
    I totally understand this Blog, and can relate. Really it is just one day at a time. Accepting that we are human and pressing forward. I hope that you are feeling better about things soon. Be patient and give yourself credit for the good things you are doing!
    emoticon
    3693 days ago
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