Goal Setting = Soul Bearing. I'd rather be naked.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
So I started working on goal setting & vision poster today. I started out thinking, this will be a cinch. You see, I am a real go(al) getter. If my boss gives me a goal, I will NOT let her down. I am really big on the whole "integrity" thing. I don't make promises I can't or won't keep. Just not an option for me. If you issue a challenge, I'll rise to the occasion. I will meet and even exceed your expectations. I want you to be proud of me.
So, this personal goal setting thing should be pretty easy right? Not so much.
Apparently I don't like setting them for myself. It has taken me an entire day to get 6 goals down on paper and they aren't even really on paper because I am working them on the computer. When I got to the point of printing and pasting on posterboard I got physically sick. My stomach knotted up and I almost started to cry.
What the HECK?
I am a Goal Getter - why am I freaking out about this?
"Ok", I say to myself, "I wont cut them out and put them on a poster board. I'll put them on a cork board instead. That way I can rearrange them and add to them as needed. Better?"
I went down and asked my husband if we had a cork board. He rustled one up for me which, of course, didn't fit where I wanted it to go. Not only was I fussy about that, but all of a sudden I had turned into Queen Attack Witch. The poor man couldn't get out of my way fast enough.
WHAT THE HECK?
After a few minutes of fuming and fussing I figured out the problem.
I would rather be naked in the front yard than post my goals where he can see them.
Apparently I am afraid to fail. I am afraid that I will make a promise to myself and not be able to keep it. I am afraid that I will humiliate myself and he will see the ENTIRE thing. Posting those goals is baring my SOUL to him and, apparently, that is more than I can handle.
Important side note - my husband is an amazing man. I mean awesome. He is a 3rd grade teacher (career changer in his 30s). He has coached little kid sports and led scouts. He does laundry and cooks and cleans. He is gentle and kind and has never, NEVER, made fun of me. EVER.
So with that in mind, why am I so hung up on this? Why can I not post my promises to myself in a place where he can see them so that he can encourage me, which he will, and support me, which he will, and even possibly participate?
I think, no, I KNOW I need to get over this. I have not worked out in 3 days because of these stupid goals. I want to set my direction so that I am moving with purpose. I think I am going to post them and just deal with what happens next. Post them right there - on the wall next to my desk.
Yep, my kids might even be able to see them.
Everyone cover your eyes...