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So..Where Have I Been?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Not forgetting about this blog... I had just been avoiding it. I was avoiding it because its easier to do that than face it.

I gained back everything I lost.

Emotional eating + stress.... its not an excuse, but its the truth.

The truth is also that I *have* to overcome it.

I'm pushing 30. For some that's young. For some that's old. For me, its a milestone I need to pay attention to. I have over a hundred pounds to lose and an immense amount of stress in my life. I'm at risk for a lot of health problems that I am fortunate to have not encountered yet. I am healthy right now, and I want to keep it that way and stay strong. I *have* to stay strong.

My oldest daughter, age 9, is severely mentally disabled. She will never be able to live alone or care for herself appropriately. I love her more than words can say, but I'm scared to death about what would happen to her if I wasn't around. I can't say its easy every day, and is a big part of the stress that leads me to eat, but I have to overcome that compulsion so that I can make sure to be here for her for the long haul.

The very real reality is that if I don't take care of myself with my weight, in addition to my stress levels, I could shorten my life span, and take time away from being able to be there for my daughter.

While some might say that this time away from SparkPeople, and that the lbs I gained back is a bad thing, I'm choosing to look at it as a growing experience (no pun intended). It has been a time for me to look at and learn what some of my triggers are. It has also been a chance to turn my stresses into my reasons.

Every time my beautiful girl has a bad day and we both end up stressed and crying, I will remember that me being there for her another day is more important than the small comfort food would bring me. Instead, I can exercise and gain a sense of control over my situation by doing something constructive instead of destructive.

I love my daughter, and want to be as healthy as I can for both of us. I can't think of a better reason to stay committed than that. :)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    What a beautiful daughter you have! That is perfect motivation...not just to lose weight, but to live healthier, change your lifestyle to include more healthy options and the like. You CAN do this, not just for yourself but for your daughter.

    Welcome back to Sparkpeople...you already know this is the place you can find the help and support you need to attain your goals.

    I know what it is to lose and re-gain everything. I too was once way over 100 lbs overweight. I had lost almost 150 lbs after having gastric bypass surgery (not something I would suggest for everyone...it takes more of a toll on your body than the surgeons let on). But then I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and had that removed, had a hard time getting the hormone replacement regulated, and then 9 mths later had a disk in my neck herniate. I was unable to do anything, not even a load of laundry for about 6 mths. I gained back 50 lbs. We all have our trials in life, we just need to figure out how to get over them.
    3825 days ago
    She is beautiful! And a beautiful reason for you to keep pushing and keep fighting to make those changes.

    Thank you for your honesty! And know that there are so many of us here that are cheering you on and are here for you. Change can be so hard, can't it? But I really think that you have to learn what your triggers are so that you can be a clever girl and devise ways to get through those times.

    3825 days ago
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