In the muck and mire....

Well hello there, kids! It has been a ridiculously long time since I) I've written and blog, and 2) since I've actually sat down for more than 10 minutes at a time to do SP stuff. This blog won't be terribly witty, but more of a "what the heck has Woodsy been up to?" informational pamphlet for your reading pleasure.

First let me say, that I miss being on SP terribly and as the dust settles (explanation to follow) I'll be able to get a good routine down where I can have the time to be on here more consistently. It's such an integral part of my journey and I genuinely miss talking with friends and see how everyone is doing. That being said, please know that I WILL catch up and respond to blogs and goodies. I have all of them saved in my email so just know that I'm working through them and want to give attention to them and not just do a "fly by" so to speak.

The reason for my absence is that I am now working 2 part time jobs, one in the morning, one in the afternoons, so it's full time hours, just 2 different companies. I've been working my afternoon just since Mid-June and really enjoy it. The people are great and the work I do is very interesting. Still learning all the ins and outs, but had gotten down a good routine where I could do my workouts and SP stuff and run errands in the morning, then go to work in the afternoons. Well, about a month ago (maybe less, can't quite remember) my old company called me to see if I was looking for work. Originally it was an on-call position, then a part-time position. The person who replaced me when I left at the end of 2008 had just left, so it became a full-time position. I was hesitant to go that route for a few reasons, one being that I really enjoy my afternoon job, and two, I knew enough about my old company to know that I didn't think I'd want full-time again, as there was a lot of "stuff" to put up with. Now the people in my particular clinic are all different from when I was there previously, and they seem like a super great group to work with. Corporate, on the other hand, is still very much the way it was where lack of communication was the biggest issue for me. So, long story short, I said no to the full-time, and I think they were rather stunned. I was then offered the on-call position again, with the understanding that I work as much as possible until they could fill that with a full-timer. As I've just completed my first week there, I do believe the assumption was that I'd be so thrilled with being back, that the full-time position would be mine without hesitation (I say this because I was told many many times how great it would be if I took the full-time position since I'm a natural fit and I was "destined" to be back). Some manipulation was occuring that I sensed from the get-go, so as gently but as firmly as I could, I made it clear that these are the hours I said I could help and that's all I'm going to do, as I'm not leaving my other job. Of course, the conversations I'd had with corporate did not get told to the clinic as I was told they would, so I think other people were led to believe that I'd be all onboard for going the full-time route, as well. And corporate also said they'd be as flexible as I needed with my schedule, which also did not carry down to the clinic, so there was all kinds of confusion. Not surprising, as this was always the case, but still annoying and cause for taking many deep breaths to calm my jangled nerves. Sigh.....

A victory that came from this though is that I stuck to my guns and did not allow myself to be talked into anything, as I would have a couple of years ago. I would have been in full "people-pleasing" mode and would have felt trapped into doing what was expected of me, and not following my heart. Well, this time, I prayed about it and listened to what God was making very clear to me....work both jobs and that's it. The positive of that is I don't have to deal with the typical office politics of either place as I'm only there half the day at either place! There is real freedom in that, and I like being able to just put in my time, do my best while I'm there, but then leave it behind when I walk out the door. The part that is a little rough right now is learning two jobs at one time. LOL!! I work on a Windows system in the morning, then go to a Mac system (which I've never worked with before) in the afternoon, and considering I'm not terribly computer savvy at all, it's made for many blank stares and many mutterings of "where the heck is the darn "x" to close out?!?!?!" The old job has had many changes since I was there and they are extremely strict with how you do things (such as how you answer the phone...they do "mystery shopping" and pretend to be patients to see how you answer questions). Yeah, I know...irritating.

I managed the first week with getting up 2 1/2 hours earlier than I'm used to in order to walk Finnegan for a short walk in the morning and get ready for work. I knew that first week would be rough as I had no idea what a new schedule would look and feel like. I leave the 1st job at noon, come home to let the dog out, then leave for the 2nd job and get home after 4pm. My exercise minutes suffered greatly, but I was prepared for that and allowed myself to just ride the wave as I just plodded through the week. I didn't allow guilt to settle in, but I could definitely tell my mood was affected and felt "blah". A positive (heaven knows I always try to find one, so I don't lose my mind) is that I slept like a log for 4 days straight! I went to bed at a good time and got solid rest, which was a blessing for me.

Oh yes, the additional reason for trying to work on my own routine is during the week we have a houseguest who stays with us. It's a co-worker/friend of my husband's who stays here during the week as he lives 2 hours from home and used to carpool with a family member to and from work, but that family member has since been let go with the rash of firings the company has been doing. So until this guy can find a job closer to home, he's staying with us anywhere from 2-4 days a week. That has been a huge adjustment for me, but I'm handling it better than I would have a couple of years ago (notice a pattern with my coping abilities from pre-SP days?) One thing I'll say for the guy is he loves to cook and is always willing to share cooking duties and will buy different meats to help out (I was rather stunned about that I must say). So it's been an adjustment, and I'm still working out how to detach from all that and still work on me. I don't have the same freedoms (read: must wear a bra at all times... ), but have to work on not feeling obligated to play hostess and just go about my business. That's where my struggle is right now, and I have to firmly plant myself in the front of the line and do what I need to do in order to be successful with my weight loss journey and not allow anything to get in the way of that...including my own excuses.


So that's where I'm at right now: a fork in the road with different paths as options and trying to determine which one is best for me at this given time. I may need to get up an additional 30 minutes earlier than I am now in order to get a longer workout in, as well as walking the dog. And then I have to plan for evening workouts, and another walk for the dog (he's been feeling a bit put out by momma being gone and him not being the center of attention). Ever have a dog say "talk to the paw", hold said paw up, and turn his head away from you when you try to hug him? The nerve. Hmphf!

Any suggestions for meal planning (I swear I have zero ideas in my head because it's all filled with work stuff, home stuff, holidays--we do Thanksgiving, etc) and exercise planning would be appreciated. The past 2 years have been some of the hardest we've ever been through, and I feel like we are just now getting back on our feet and starting anew, but it's taken its toll mentally and emotionally. Having a routine will be good, because I do very very well when things are written out. I just know that it's hard in the beginning to not feel anxiety over change, even when it's a good change. Thanks for listening to my long, drawn out recap of life in recent weeks. I promise my next blog will be filled with much knee-slapping hilarity (at least I'll attempt to be funny) and not nearly as lengthy (again, "try" is the word here).

Toodles noodles!