the one thing I can control ...
Monday, November 15, 2010
My recent life has been a series of ups and downs and mostly downs. My job is very unstable (and that's an optimistic outlook). I don't see it lasting through the winter. I've been searching for a new job before this one gives out on me. So far no luck. I had four interviews right out of the box. Two of them said thanks but no thanks. One I never heard from again. The fourth, I got a job offer, BUT it was for evening hours making much less than I'm making right now during the day. After a lot of stressful consideration, I decided I couldn't take that job as long as I still have this one. I must keep looking.
Recently, there hasn't been much worth mentioning to apply for. I can try to get seasonal, part time work. But again, I shouldn't do that as long as I've still got this job ... for how much longer?? So I continue to plug away.
So much of my life feels completely out of control. I can't control what will happen with my job. I can't control whether anyone else will hire me. What can I control? My health.
Right now, my health is not all that great. I've got a nasty cold I feel I may have had a better chance of fending off if I had been taking better care of myself to begin with. But I've got to start somewhere. I've continued to lose weight recently without much effort, only because I've literally been worrying myself sick. I need to quit that as well! I need to make a concentrated effort to eat healthy meals at least 3 times a day ... five small meals a day would be optimal. But I've got to start somewhere. Oh, and there's the age-old exercise dilemma. I must include that in my day ... if nothing else, than to reduce stress.
So I'm trying to remain positive in the face of uncertainty. I am not defined by my job or the state of my employment. I am worth so much more than anyone would ever be able to pay me. I am a mom. I am a daughter. I am loved by family and friends. I also have a fiance who wants the best for me. He's behind me, every step of the way, even when I allow myself to feel so totally alone in all of this. That's a lot to be thankful for and to keep my spirits lifted. I'm feeling a little better already. Now if I can only shake this cold.