Wednesday, November 17, 2010
I have been struggling for a few day this past weekend and weekend. I think the only thing I have managed to do is get my water intake in. I haven't stayed on program, I have been eating WAY to much (and then feeling sick after I do it) and have not been getting in my fruits and veggies.
I will also mention that the bf's father has also brought in 2 huge bowls of candy. Taffy, caramels, hard candy. All that stuff that I find it really difficult to NOT eat. The stuff that I need to stay far away from. I don't crave or want it if it isn't there. SO his dad brings it in, pours it all into a bowl and tells me to keep it on the kitchen table so he can grab some when he walks downstairs. Plain sight ........ out in the open. i am going to request for the 3rd time tomorrow that my bf move that crap OFF the kitchen table. I don't care to where, but I have ate about 1/4 of the bowl by myself. There are cookies all over the place, Halloween candy still in a bowl, and now more candy. This man also knows that I am on a 'diet' (he can't comprehend a lifestyle change of eating properly I guess) and that I am trying to cut sweets from my diet. I am at a loss of what to do.
I am giving myself about 2 more weeks I think to find some sort of job, and if I don't I am going back to Indiana. I am at a loss as what to do. I need help and the strength to leave my wonderful bf because I cannot live with his father. I know my resume is a decently strong one, but am at a total loss of not being able to find SOMETHING out here to support myself.
I also wonder at times if i don't have PMDD or am slightly bi-polar. My mood swings at times even scare me. If I can find a job and get insurance, I may look into that and see if that can go further. I try not to make many big decision at my TOM because I am worried that my emotions/hormone fluctuations take too large a roll in them. I am trying to keep my hopes up for a job soon and will be following up on a couple of applications I submitted the past couple of weeks. Wish me luck!