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Down, Down, Baybee, Down Down the Rollercoaster...

Thursday, January 13, 2011

It had been a really good week...I've been resolute...eating well, exercising as much as I can. And that's even despite the bad weather and my schedule being reworked because of my kiddos being out of school for a couple days. UNTIL LAST NIGHT.

**Ka-BOOM!**

I've felt a weird sort of tension building inside of me all week, so maybe somehow deep inside I knew this was coming. A premonition, maybe? Yesterday, my friend (whom I've talked about before - the one that is an alcoholic and is currently "off the wagon"), stops by my house unexpectedly in the morning. My boys had a friend over since school was out, and they were all playing video games in the living room when she arrived.

She had her little girl, Lexie (now 7 years old), in tow. Lexie and my boys immediately were excited to see each other and were exchanging hugs and running through the house before you could blink an eye. My friend told me that she tried to call earlier, but couldn't get a hold of me, and went on to explain that Lexie was bored and that she (my friend) needed to go shovel her mom's driveway and her own. She wanted to know if I'd mind watching Lexie while she did her errands - only a couple of hours.

Believe me, although I have had no prior experience with an alcoholic in my life, I'm a quick study. I translated what she was telling me to, "I'm gonna get drunk." I knew she was. I just knew it. I figured Lexie was better off to stay with me...so I agreed, playing her game and pretending to believe her...and she went on her way.

FIVE AND A HALF hours later, she shows up at my house. She's not driving her SUV, she's driving her husband's truck. Her face is streaked with mascara from crying and she slurring her words and obviously been drinking. She'd been on her way to my house in her SUV, and slid it off the side of the road. I'm sure some of it was the snow, but her SUV is 4WD, so I'm sure her intoxication is part of it too. I let her in and tell her that I will take her and Lexie home (although I'm not sure HOW I'm going to do this, because I still have the boys and their friend besides myself, my friend and Lexie...none of the vehicles are big enough to haul everyone...and I never leave my kids alone). She refuses to let me drive them home, so I switch tactics and tell her she should stay awhile and calm down since she's still shaken up from sliding off the road (A passerby took her home to get the truck).

Really, I'm just trying to stall her in hopes that she'll sober up a bit before leaving...or in hopes that my husband will get home before she leaves. I manage to keep her distracted for almost an hour, but then she's determined to go. I have never in my life felt so conflicted...I didn't know what to do, but I finally just said a prayer and hoped that they would make it home okay.

Well, she did make it home okay, thank god. But when she got home and told her husband about her SUV, and he saw the state she was in and that she had traveled with Lexie that way...he called the police. They made her take the breathalizer test and she blew a .13. They charged her with a DUI and Child Endangerment right away. The police officer making the report called me to get my statement. I told him everything I knew...and told him that I sincerely hoped that whatever came of this, that she would get help...because I'm worried sick for her and for her little girl.

I guess after I got off the phone with the officer, they had asked her to get her shoes on and come with them. She bent down to get her shoes on, I guess was having trouble because of her balance and being drunk, so her husband went to help her get her shoes on and she kneed him in the face right in front of the cops. So now she also has a battery charge against her.

If the whole mess didn't make me sick enough, now poor little Lexie is stuck with her father, who is SO irresponsible and not a fit parent himself. He's sober, he works a steady job...but outside of those two requirements, he has no parenting sense whatsoever. It makes me feel so incredibly sick. His family is chock full of nut jobs, and my friend's family just plain doesn't have anyone that could take care of Lexie. I'm just praying that maybe he'll have me pick her up from school and watch her every day until he gets home from work. The kid needs some stability in her life. She's such a precious, smart, beautiful little girl. It just breaks my heart to see her raised in an environment like this.

My friend's husband told my husband last night that he was taking today off work and was going to file for a divorce. My husband said, "I guess we'll see if he really means it." I told my husband that he probably does, considering that my friend is either his 4th or 5th wife. He's a real winner, too. I honestly don't know how she could have made a worse choice than to marry him in the first place.

And I know I sound crazy when I say that he's an unfit parent, when here my friend is, locked up. But, I'm telling you...the guy was raised by lunatics...and he has no concept of what "good parenting" or even really any kind of parenting is. At least when my friend is sober she's got some sense and some parenting skills. Obviously, she has a long way to go until she's a healthy and whole person, which means she's not a healthy and whole parent either. But still, she has some sense.

After the dust settled last night, it was nearly 7 o'clock, and my hubby said, "Do you want me to just go get us some dinner?" I was on the verge of tears, so I just nodded and he headed out the door. So after all my efforts this past week, I ate flippin McDonalds for dinner. You know, I don't really care, I'm back at it this morning again...drinking my water and eating right. I was just too emotionally spent to begin to make supper last night, and didn't have the presence of mind to ask hubby to get Subway...so be it.

Right now I just feel like there is a heavy stone where my heart should be. I love that little girl so much, I guess all I can do is hope and pray that I get a chance to talk to her and help support her through this tough time.

Dana :(


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  • TTLEELEE
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon You did the right thing!!
    Somebody got themselves a good hubby - McD for dinner or not!
    I will hold all of you up in prayer!

    3322 days ago
  • SEXYSLIM78
    OMG that is so sad. Bless that lil girl Father and Keep her safe from hurt, harm, and danger. Amen! And bless u for being the friend that u r. The mother got exactly what she deserves. Just hopes she learns her lesson b4 its too late. And dont worry about the Mickey D's. I completely understand and would have done the same thing, lol. But u back on track and emoticon emoticon
    3323 days ago
  • DAWNO64
    Awwww, Dana...I'm sorry she went off the wagon again, and I know you're concerned about Lexie. Have you talked to your DH about maybe taking her in? I mean, depending on how fit of a parent the dad is, it may be better to call Human Services. I only say this because I "raised" a neighbor's daughter until she was thirteen and liked the fact that her dad was never home so she could do what she wanted; if I'd fought and gotten custody (and I could have), she would have had a better life. Instead she dropped out of HS and is now a single mother with no job, and I feel partially to blame. I know you have a LOT on your plate, but if you're going to spend all your time worrying about Lexie, it might be better to just see if you can get her.

    And one meal of McD's is no biggie - sometimes you just gotta!
    3323 days ago
  • GRAPEVINE60
    Bless your heart........I don't think you did so bad considering all the turmoi. Like you said, you're back at it today. We all have missteps, and as long as we get back on track then we're doing okay. emoticon
    3323 days ago
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