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Saturday, January 15, 2011

As I have share alot in the past year I have seen alot of lows.For medical reasons.But now I find myself lost in a low I can no really explain to anyone.I feel hopeless.Not with the medical mess.I have pretty much come to roll with the punches of my full blown life as a medical mess.But it is I have become soo. Lost and I feel so utterly ALONE! i BINGE EAT OR i DONT EAT and BOTH HURTS ME AND MY MEDICAL PROBLEMS AS WELL BUT I just can't seem to care even when it is physical pain form it.I have lost my give a shi+. I know that folks dont walk threw all I have been threw and it not effect u mentally.I know I have heard it from every doctor.But I dont really feel that my stroke is part of this.I just feel LOST so empty an overly full at the same time.I love my kids and all my family but I just at times.Cant bring myself to make the effort to go out.There is nothing in this world I love more than my grandson but there always seems to be something standing in the way of our time together.Some appt or something or another and there is like I have no time to connect.I never really knew how much he gave to me by being him until this past year when our time was cut so short with my illness.As We use to be constant daily companions and now it is like.I see him once a week if lucky.As well as my children.I was with them daily and felt so much apart of them and there lives and now I feel as if I stand alone lost in a forest and I can not see but glimpse of them when the wind blows just right.I am a very spiritual person I spend alot of time trying to be connect to the lighter side and the angels that I know help me and have saved me so many times this year.But it seems as if them to have been lost among the trees of the deep forest I am in and I wander aimlessly to get out and find the way back to me to my life to the person or at least a part of he person I once was.
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  • KAARENF
    my thoughts are with you and as I meditate I will send good vibes your way.
    3488 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2562942
    Sweetie, I have been in your shoes and I know how it hurts! Your Sparkfriends are here for you! emoticon emoticon emoticon

    Do you have the DVD of "The Secret"? Try watching that a few times. It always helps me.

    And keep telling yourself, "I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy!!
    3488 days ago
  • BELLE!
    I want to say thank u all so much.I have take in all your advice. And I do so love the fact I know I am not alone.I have talk with doctors non stop seems to be all I do head to the neuro doctor again tomorrow and we will talk again.I did alot better today with setting in my mind I was going to eat healthy and meals not snacks and binges.THANK U ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND LOVE.
    3489 days ago
  • NORASPAT
    Life with pain and missing family is indeed very hard. Are you able to share your feelings with your family, talk on the phone, use the computer to establish more contact with them.
    I hope you are able to talk to your DR. Often medications are the cause of these feelings and he may be able to change something to help the way you feel.
    This weather and lack of sunlight does not help us any.
    I hope you are able to look out for yourself, do try to do that, you are a very special lady. Hugs Pat in Augusta. emoticon Try a little sunshine, emoticon emoticon
    3489 days ago
  • DKELLEY35
    I hope the sun starts shining brighter in your world soon Belle, I know how hard it is to have your world turned upside down by medical problems. It seems like the changes come at you on a daily basis and you feel like you're facing them all alone.Have you talked to your family about how you're feeling? Have you talked to your Dr. about it. It sounds like you are having some depression. Try to keep your chin up and keep Sparking. We are here for you. DE
    3490 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1278025
    I pray you get some answers soon, Belle. You don't have to look for that person that you once were, you didn't go anywhere. You are no less a person than you were before you had your stroke. I do hope that some day, you realize that. And families take a shift now and then. Craig use to be my right hand man, and I'm lucky if I see him a couple of days a month now. I know how you feel there. Hugs!
    3490 days ago
  • QUARKY
    Would it help you to write a menu of what you plan to eat each day for a week, ahead of time, so it's all written down and you just have to follow it? That's what I've been doing for the past two weeks, and it helps me not to binge, and to make sure I eat 3 healthy meals a day. And it stops you having to make food decisions every day - you have it already decided for you.

    I hope things get better for you.
    3490 days ago
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