Where am I going wrong?
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Well, right now, my life is complicated.
We have a 2 bedroom house. Seven people living in it. My husband, me, my 20 year old daughter, her 23 year old boyfriend, and their 3 year old son. My 17 year old daughter, and my 15 year old son.
So, here lately things have been hectic around here. My 20 year old, lost her job. So, her family had to move back in. I don't have a problem with that. They are helping us with the bills.
There has been so much chaos in this house. So, I had put some rules down. My oldest either has to go by my rules or she can move out. My 17, (which will be 18 the 11th of Feb) has to go by my rules or wait 4 months to move out. (She graduates in May, I do not allow my kids to move out before they graduate, although my oldest one did, since I had no legal authority to force her to stay). Anyway, my youngest has to go by my rules or wait 3 years and 4 months, then he can move out.
Everything was going good. As for the most part, it is still going good. But............
Well, let me expain.
My 20 year old, (at the time was 16), got pregnant. I did not know she even had a boyfriend. How could she? She had been grounded for 3 months. (She was grounded 30 days at a time, but kept messing up). Anyway, as it turned out she was sneaking out.
Well, my 17 year old (14 at the time) was in deep shock, as we all were. She was not going to what my oldest one has done. No way, no how...She is going to college, (which my 20 year old, went then dropped out, but she claims she's going back), and such. Well, when she was 16, she got caught sneaking out of a friends house to spend the night with her boyfriend, (as with my oldest, I didn't know she had a boyfriend). I admit...I did flip out. I told her I would send her off before I have to go through what I went through with my oldest one. Her come back was..."Momma I'm not her, I am not going to get pregnant. I didn't have sex. and blah blah blah"....Ok, so I dealt with the sneaking out, and believed her.
She is graduating this year in May. She is almost accepted at one college. This college is just waiting on her transcript from her highschool, and then they are going to get the scholarships going. So, I am/was happy for her.
As you know, she is 17 right now. In a little over 3 weeks she'll be 18. She does have a boyfriend. Her boyfriend is 19. He has one child already. In November, I had a talk with her about birth control. Her come back was...."Momma, you know how much I am into church, you know how I want to wait until I am married, I want to go to college and blah blah blah."
Well, I told her..."Things happen hon. I know how strongly you feel about this, but it can happen. I want you on birth control". She said..."I don't believe in birth control, because to me, it's a form of abortion. I am against abortion and you know this."....I tried explaining to her it is not a form of abortion, it's precaution. She says, if it's meant for me to have a baby then God wanted me to have a baby. But, don't worry about momma, I'm not going to have sex."
Well, I would say, me being niave, but not really, it's really me being stupid and believing her. I went through it with my oldest, you'd think I'd learn from it.
I asked her a few nights ago if her and her boyfriend have slept together. She was honest with me, and said yes. We had a LONG talk. Right now, she is 4 days late. She's never been late before, early yes, but not late.
I told her, I don't think her dad will have anything to do with her. Instead of her being concerned, she said.."What about my sister?? Daddy has something to do with her, and she was 16. I'm almost 18." He only had something to do with her at that time because I forced him to. I couldn't deal with them not having anything to do with each other. I don't know how my husband is going to react.
She and her dad just started getting really close, and now this. I don't know what to do. I know I have to see if she is even pregnant, but how can I tell her daddy??
She seems pretty excited about it. I don't know how to handle it. I know she's almost 18. I know she'll be 18 when (if she is pregnant) she has the baby, but she has to finish high school, and then college? This college she is almost accepted to will not allow her to stay on campus with a baby. She said.....I can do online classes.....Yeah, like my oldest one did???
How do I punish an (almost) 18 year old?? Legally she can move out. So, ok, I ground her...Now what...She moves out?? She does have a job and goes to school. She does have a car, but no driver's license. How is she going to get to school? or work? or to dr appointments?? My husband probably can turn his back on her, but I can't. Maybe it's a mother's thing?? I don't know. But I don't want her to be happy about it, when I've warned her before it happened. She was so head strong about college and now all of a sudden she wants to do it online. This is fine, but like my oldest one, she never finished.
She asked me this morning if I would take her to the Health Dept to see if she is. If I don't, she will find a way to get there. Then she will probably not tell me until she is 18. So, she does want me there with her, but I don't and can't be excited. I am too hurt, and angry. I just can't do it. I don't know what to do.
Sorry this is so long, but I had to let it out. As you can see, I can't tell anyone anything right now, other than you all.
So, thanks for listening, and again sorry this is so long.
God bless you.