I FOUGHT AGAINST MYSELF.....

my story: by Paula Strasburg

I am not sure where to begin. It will be two years in February that I have been a member of sparkpeople.
Where does the time go?
On joining sparkpeople I weighed 220lbs. I have lost 86 lbs. and am very happy with myself. To much weight for my height of 5'3"...

The first three months I fought against myself on healthy eating and doing excersises. I would read blogs that would say, "I Lost 1 lb." I would leave a positive uplifting comment.
I wanted to change. I kept eating junk food, going to fast food take outs, eating and eating. I would give into the cravings, meantime fighting with myself to do what was good for me.

One day I was so angry with myself, I cleaned out all the cupboards, and draws throwing anything that was unhealthy out. I did this the same day that the garbage was to be picked up.

I thought I had won this time, I didn't. That night I was miserable craving chocolate. I logged onto sparkpeople read a few articles and blogs.
I made a grocery list out, and went grocery shopping trying to stay away from the candy isle.
I couldn't. Slowly I started walking down the candy isle feeling as though the candy was calling out to me, "take me home."

I started to reach out for a bag of hersey kisses, when an inner voice said, "don't do it." I walked away.
For three months the fighting went on with myself. I was eating healthier, and taking walks. When ever I had an urge for that which was not good, I grabbed a piece of fruit or celery a slice of tomato or made a salad.

I then began to realize that my body was changing, my taste for food was changing and the fights against myself were less.
I weighed myself and had lost 10 lbs. Took three months for this to happen.
Slow as Molasses it was.

I didn't give up I was determined to keep going on. Then it was a pound here, two pounds or even five. Some weeks there weren't any pounds lost.
I weigh myself once a month now , another 20 lbs. to go.

I fought against myself and won.