Tuesday, February 01, 2011
I weighed nine pounds and three ounces at birth. I started out at an above average weight--the beginning of a trend that has continued throughout my life. My mom tells stories of trying to get my brother and me to eat more: "Come on, baby, eat," she recalls telling us. Then when I became a chubby child (and my brother was husky... anyone remember the "chubby" and "husky" sizes?), my mother tells stories of me getting mad at her because she would tell me "you don't need that" whenever I wanted to eat something "fattening." I say she tells stories of these things, not because I don't believe her, but because I have no recollection of the events. I don't know if this is because my memory stinks, or if I have subconsciously blocked certain memories... because I remember wearing the chubby sizes.
Looking back at pictures of my teenage years, I think I didn't look that bad (read: fat), although at the time, I was bigger than all my friends. After I married and started having babies, I quit comparing myself to others and got heavier over the years. When my fourth son was born, just over 20 years ago, I was hovering around 300 pounds. I had actually lost to 280 while I was pregnant--for some reason I lost weight during my last two pregnancies, but gained afterward. After my daughter's birth eleven years ago, I quit weighing myself for years. My marital problems also began during that time... doom to an emotional eater... so before I knew it, I was approaching the 400 pound mark. That's when I decided I couldn't continue eating uncontrollably. That's also when my body started turning against me (probably the next blog topic).
It's been three years. I have struggled with the same 30 to 40 pounds or so over and over. I'll lose, then something will happen--a physical set-back or losing my resolve--and the pounds will creep back on. But I have decided (again and for the last time... lol) that this will be the last time that I weigh so much. I started 2011 weighing 380 pounds. I am beginning February 2001 weighing 350 pounds. I know most of that loss was fluid because I was very swollen, but 30 pounds lighter is 30 pounds lighter.
And it's just the beginning of great losses to come.