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so what's the story behind my SP username: PRETTYBLKGYRL

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Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Okay after reading ASHLEY1977T's blog entry "what exactly is beautiful" - I felt inspired to post (a revised version of) my response here as a blog entry.

Reading her blog reinforced the reason I unapologetically chose "PRETTYBLKGYRL" as my username. Sooooooooo here goes...........

Growing up I always felt awkward.

I was either too tall, too dark, too heavy, my nose was too wide, etc..... Basically I grew up HATING myself. (I grew up in an all white community, in the late 70's/early 80's - so needless to say there weren't many beautiful, black women for me to look up to... aside from my family)

*side note* I had the honor of being nicknamed DARK VADER shortly after Star Wars came out. You gotta love the origin of some of the issues that haunt us during our childhood. Especially when they follow us into adulthood & result in a destructive, self-loathing mentality emoticon

Anyway - it wasn't until I was in my mid-20's that I decided that I couldn't continue to hate myself because I wasn't "Hollywood" beautiful or thin. I had to establish my OWN expectations/standards of beauty. I had to make it okay for me to look like ME!!! I couldn't wait for someone else to validate me. *sigh* Hence the name "PRETTYBLKGYRL" was born.

& I think you'd be surprised by the number of times my fellow SP'ers have asked me WHY I chose PRETTYBLKGYRL as my username. These inquiries weren't in a harmless, inquisitive "hey interesting name, what's the story behind it" way. It was in a "don't you think your name is arrogant?? maybe you should consider changing it" way. emoticon

& I even got a message w/ the subject "hey NOT SO PRETTYBLKGYRL"...

I can either take ownership of other people's ignorance or I can laugh it off, b/c @ the end of the day I know:

1.) who I am
2.) where I came from
3.) & how long it took me to get to the point where I'm okay w/ being me!!!

Because when I wake up in the morning & I see my reflection in the mirror - I'm FINALLY okay with who's looking back at me - FLAWS & ALL!!!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Awesome blog...sorry I missed it when you posted it. You are sooo inspiring to me!!

    3496 days ago
    You are BEAUTIFUL! I really loved this post and appreciate you so much for sharing it!
    3507 days ago
    I think your username suits you well! emoticon
    3567 days ago
    Your name is AWESOME! And you ARE beautiful. Forget those haters, the only reason some say things like that is because they are only reflecting to you what they feel about THEMSELVES. :) Keep on Sparking!!

    3627 days ago
    First of all I think you beautiful! It blows my mind that fellow Sparkers act that way! You be proud of who you are girl!
    3627 days ago
  • MEGUNN2282
    You are GORGEOUS! Its hard to imagine such a beautiful woman feeling like she wasnt pretty, but there are a lot of people out there that project their own insecurities on us. Im so happy that you have gotten to a place where you feel your beauty and self-worth. I grew up in a predominantly black and Hispanic area and always envied the beautiful skin and all the things the other girls could do with their hair. I fealt pasty, blotchy, with flat lifeless hair and even worse when my mother did get me a perm I looked like a fat poodle! LOL So its taken me a long time to get to a point where I loved myself and could look in the mirror without making myself miserable. We are strong beautiful women and anyone who tries to shake that strength is showing their own weakness. Thank you for sharing your journey and inspiring the rest of us on our own journey:)
    3628 days ago
    The pacing of that post was great and the content was very honest and thoughtful. I really enjoyed reading it and the end was the best perhaps because it was such a happy ending...unless you posted someone else's photo at the end of your post, you are undeniably beautiful. Thank you for the positive messages...we all need them. And ignore the idiots messaging you with negativity, they are nothing but mean ol' trolls. emoticon
    3630 days ago
    My sistah! You are beautiful, strong and wise. Thank you for inspiring all beautiful black girls to become who they are destined to be! God bless you!
    3644 days ago
    My sistah! You are beautiful, strong and wise. Thank you for inspiring all beautiful black girls to become who they are destined to be! God bless you!
    3644 days ago
    My sistah! You are beautiful, strong and wise. Thank you for inspiring all beautiful black girls to become who they are destined to be! God bless you!
    3644 days ago
    That name fits you, you are lovely. And truly, it's nobody's business what name you use.
    3668 days ago
    It is sad that people can be so mean. I agree, it must be jealousy!! You are GORGEOUS!!! And your family pictures are beautiful! emoticon
    3670 days ago
    Love the name. You are gorgeous!
    3671 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7503059
    I saw your user name (in a comment you left on Yoovie's blog) and immediately smiled. I thought, "Now there's some good self esteem! emoticon . . . or someone who is wisely working at building her esteem by choosing such a delightful user name." I just had to come visit your spark page! And I'm happy to see your wonderful attitude, though sad to see the ugliness you've been subjected to.
    You are beautiful; keep on shining and just ignore the stupid, ugly-spirited people!
    3671 days ago
  • MVIEL1
    Brush them off your shoulders!
    3673 days ago
    You are beautiful!


    Loved this quote: "People miss out on opportunities because opportunity wears overalls and looks like work."

    Be well!
    3682 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/21/2011 8:24:12 PM
    I'm seriously shocked that someone actually emailed you with such stupidity. It's really a shame others have to try and pull you down to elevate themselves; in their mind anyway. People are so brave and cruel hiding behind an ISP.

    You don't owe anyone anything. You own your beauty and know that it radiates from within and it shines through. You don't have to justify anything to anyone. I applaud you for claiming your life and beauty. Don't rely on others in lalaland to define beauty for you. You strut and hold your head up high!
    3682 days ago
    OH MY GOSHHHH!! WHAT?! Someone wrote that to you?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?

    I am seriously appalled. When I saw your username, I thought, "Oh cool!" and when I finally saw a picture of you, I thought, "OH! Totally fits, that makes sense!"

    You're gorgeous.
    Thanks for this blog peek into you. :)
    3689 days ago
  • CORDIA72
    I don't know if you ever watched "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar" starring Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, and John Leguizamo but there is a song at the beginning of the movie by Salt-n-Pepa called "I Am The Body Beautiful". I loved it when I saw the movie and I love it even more now that I've begun this weightloss journey to shed my outer shell and replace it with my inner self. Listen to the words of that song and reaffirm that you are The Body Beautiful. Successful women will always have haters and critics. Just shake them off.
    3689 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/15/2011 12:07:35 AM
    I love the name. Whenever I see it on friends pages I'm inspired to love me as I am (noassatall; LOL!) You are that example of a beautiful black woman (doing the dang thang)that we didnt have. You are fabulous! Keep doing just like you are doing.
    3690 days ago
    Beautiful name, Beautiful spirit, Beautiful girl. Keep doing you.
    3690 days ago
  • TRINA001
    I always think that the people who are the rudest are the ones who are the most envious.
    I like your name, and even more so knowing the reason you chose it.
    You are very pretty and beautiful, and those mean people must have known that and been envious.
    3695 days ago
    I've learned that shaking off haters burns a TON of calories. Honor and claim your name and all of the beauty you have inside and out!
    3695 days ago
  • ALOFA0509

    I love your username!!!! Sooo U, Soo Fabulous!!! Hugs sista,, Oh and Thnx for the cookie earlier,,, I already had 4 "Thin Mints" lol HUGS, Alofa
    3695 days ago
    As with the other posters...I am astounded by the idea that you were confronted about your user name. How dare they! Ignore the haters! Yep, you are a beautiful girl.
    3696 days ago
    What a great blog, congratulation's to you for not giving into those negative few out there on this site. It makes me wonder if they really know what Spark People is here for. You are a beautiful woman with an obviously beautiful heart. Best of luck with all that lies ahead for you.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3699 days ago
    I was over DONE when I read that people questioned you about your username. That is crazy to me. I am trying to get to a point where ignorance doesn't get addressed, but I'm not quite there yet...LOL!!!

    Any whooo.... You are beautiful and confident and is well on your way to meeting all your goals. This blog was great. I love how you eliquently addressed your username even though it should NOT have been necessary. You picture says it ALL!!!

    3699 days ago
    Thanks for sharing - I think you're gorgeous, and I'm glad you can see it now too!
    3699 days ago
  • NDMOM73
    Thank you so much for the wonderful blog post! Although I am Hispanic I have watched my girls (who are growing up in a mainly white community struggle with their differences)- having a larger nose and not waif-size hips and butt. I have worked hard to make them proud of who they are, and for the most part they are proud of their heritage but I still see my oldest examining her nose or shaking her head at her hips. I think with time they will also celebrate their differences and it is because of strong, beautiful women like you that hopefully future generations will no longer feel the need to feel bad about their differences but instead embrace them!

    Thanks again for sharing! And congratulations on all of your successes! :)
    3699 days ago
    Kudos for you and your determination to love yourself for who you are. There are some of us, including myself, who are still working on that.

    Thanks for inspiring others to take a look and not be judgemental.
    3699 days ago
    Aww, that's so sweet! I love your name. And I'm sorry anyone ever called you that rude name, that's terrible. I bet you were a really sweet little girl, and that must have really hurt.
    3699 days ago
    Please don't change your username. I wish I could own my blackness more but it seems that everytime I try, people want to correct me like, "well you're not ALL black" or "you got some white in you thogh, right?" Whenever I say, "I'm just black" there has to be a debate. Black comes in many shades and your shade is beautiful. And I wish that all of us ladies on here, black, white and the other, were built up by others rather than tore down, especially when we were young. To all my chubby girls out there, we are gorgeous and a pretty face doesn't make up for an ugly heart so continue to be the beauties that you are!
    3700 days ago
  • MENACE79
    Wow. I am stunned that you were confronted here about the name you chose. I am thinking that whoever did the confronting doesn't feel good about themselves, and to see you loving yourself (as we all should) is threatening? I dunno - I always try to analyze things. :)

    With that being said, I think you SHOULD change your name:

    3701 days ago
    Wow, I can't believe the arrogance that someone would have telling you are anything BUT a PRETTYBLKGYRL. You're beautiful! Many of us have struggles whether we are big or little, dark or pale. There are any number of reasons why we choose to hurt ourselves with thoughts of unworthiness. I'm glad that you choose to appreciate you for everything you are and everything you have been through. Don't ever stop loving yourself.
    3702 days ago
    I remember someone made fun of my arms (my elbows were so skinny and boney I could use them as a bottle opener) and I didn't wear sleeveless shirts for over 10 years. Someone once asked how my toothpicks could keep my body up, and there went the shorts! I'm not perfect, but I know I'm beautiful too. I think it's great that you have the guts to publicly call yourself beautiful. Share your strength, we can all use some.
    3702 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8532717
    Thank you so much for sharing this! I am so glad you can see the beauty! You've got it inside and out! emoticon
    3702 days ago
  • NINNY165
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3702 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6372002
    People who make comments like that aren't even worth your time. There are some people whose ignorance can never be changed.

    I loved reading this blog. Strong, beautiful women come in every shape and colour and I'm so glad that you're embracing that about yourself.
    3702 days ago
    Well from one BLK Girl to another my user name on Yahoo was DRKNLVLY_1 and I made it my anthem for just the same reason you did. I went to promonently white high school. I was not black enough to be considered black by other blacks and when society looks at me they see me as a mocha colored black woman. I was I remember 3 girls on the pom pom squad stopped me behind the gym and said tat my butt was to fat to wear shorts and that I needed to get a larger size. I was in tears and mom said after this I stopped wearing shorts. It took me a long time to be comfortable with who I am, but with their character as people. I applaud your taking control of who u r, because without that conviction ppl wil define who u should be. Let you DEFINE you!!!!!
    3703 days ago
    i LOVE your attitude!
    3703 days ago
    3704 days ago
  • UNICORN212
    I think you look beautiful! And you were a cute kid, too! (And this is from a chubby white lady who has never liked herself much either - maybe you can give me some pointers on how to get past that!)
    3704 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4550505
    You are very beautiful!!! I can't beleive some people can be so rude inconsierate to say that about your username. THE NAME FITS!!!! Hope you have a wonderful day!! emoticon emoticon
    3704 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5741646
    you are very beautiful.. and it is nice that you can finally stand and be proud and announce to the world this is who I am.. this is who I want to be..there is other freedom than to finally see the beauty from within and without and accept yourself fully for all you are and all you are yet to be...bravo.. I love your user name..it really does say it all and if others can't see it.. well, shame on them
    3704 days ago
    Coming from another self-loather, let me just tell you how much your blog hit home. God forbid we love ourselves even the tiniest bit, right? Good for you for being proud of who you are, and you should be because you're GORGEOUS! Go get 'em, girl! emoticon
    3704 days ago
  • SCORPIA112253
    you have a beautiful family. love the vintage clothes too -- how about those leisure suits with the wide lapels? wow.
    Your mother is gorgeous -- that's where you got your looks!
    3705 days ago
    Your confidence and courage is as beautiful as you are. Keep it up! emoticon
    3706 days ago
    You are beautiful. Don't let anyone bring you down.
    3706 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6557915
    You have a beautiful smile!
    3707 days ago
    People can be idiots. They see your confidence and feel they need to bring you down because they're not there themselves. You are a beautiful girl and who cares what anyone else thinks. Keep doing you!
    3707 days ago
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