Somewhere between screaming, fighting and crying you will find me.
Friday, February 18, 2011
I tried the new prescription last night which was supposed to help me sleep. I've had a rather lightbulb moment where I believe I do NOT infact suffer from chronic insomnia but rather, I have trained myself so well to wake at the slightest incling after having a child that I am now woken up multiple times nightly. Last night it was 6 times. And then I have some trouble falling back asleep. I've trained myself to wake because I have a husband who refuses to get up and is a lazy sleeping guy. (that's the nicest thing I say right now)
So I took this medicine which I wasn't really pleased wth becuase its not really what I wanted. I wanted something to take once in a while when I knew I didn't have to get up early the next day that woud knock me out for a minimum of 6 - 8 hours maybe once or twice a week. THis drug is something I have to take everynight for effacacy and we are relying the side effects to cause the sleeping.
WELL LET ME TELL YA... the side effects (other than drowsiness... which of course I didn't have) are Dizziness... CHECK insomnia CHECK and in very rare cases, aggitaion and mania CHECK, CHECK
(cover your ears here if you are sensitve to swearing)
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!! I lay awake last night spinning like I did 6 shots of tequilla before bed wanting to litterally beat the everloving shit out of my husband because he was sleeping and then I would start crying because I was tired and couldn't fall asleep. I'm still extremely aggitated this morning and I was even mean to my little girl. (Felt like a complete asshole parent.... she actually shuttered thinking I was going to hit her... I was so out of control of my myself) I appologized to her and told her mommy wasn't feeling well and I was so sorry and then I cried again.
WHAT THE FUCK.
I just want a nights sleep. I don't want to be crazy, I don't want to take medication daily, I don't want to have my 5 year old scared I'm going to hurt her.... I just want to sleep. That's it.
I wont be taking that medication again..... ever.... and I have half a mind to take the full bottle (which my insurance didn't cover because I"M NOT AN EPILEPTIC WHICH IS WHAT THE MEDICINE IS FOR... and the other bottle that is full FOR DEPRESSION WHICH I DON"T HAVE EITHER..... and whip them at the Dr.'s head.
I'll just fucking suffer rather than feel like this.
Happy damn Friday.