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Somewhere between screaming, fighting and crying you will find me.

Friday, February 18, 2011

I tried the new prescription last night which was supposed to help me sleep. I've had a rather lightbulb moment where I believe I do NOT infact suffer from chronic insomnia but rather, I have trained myself so well to wake at the slightest incling after having a child that I am now woken up multiple times nightly. Last night it was 6 times. And then I have some trouble falling back asleep. I've trained myself to wake because I have a husband who refuses to get up and is a lazy sleeping guy. (that's the nicest thing I say right now)

So I took this medicine which I wasn't really pleased wth becuase its not really what I wanted. I wanted something to take once in a while when I knew I didn't have to get up early the next day that woud knock me out for a minimum of 6 - 8 hours maybe once or twice a week. THis drug is something I have to take everynight for effacacy and we are relying the side effects to cause the sleeping.

WELL LET ME TELL YA... the side effects (other than drowsiness... which of course I didn't have) are Dizziness... CHECK insomnia CHECK and in very rare cases, aggitaion and mania CHECK, CHECK

(cover your ears here if you are sensitve to swearing)

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!! I lay awake last night spinning like I did 6 shots of tequilla before bed wanting to litterally beat the everloving shit out of my husband because he was sleeping and then I would start crying because I was tired and couldn't fall asleep. I'm still extremely aggitated this morning and I was even mean to my little girl. (Felt like a complete asshole parent.... she actually shuttered thinking I was going to hit her... I was so out of control of my myself) I appologized to her and told her mommy wasn't feeling well and I was so sorry and then I cried again.

I just want a nights sleep. I don't want to be crazy, I don't want to take medication daily, I don't want to have my 5 year old scared I'm going to hurt her.... I just want to sleep. That's it.

I wont be taking that medication again..... ever.... and I have half a mind to take the full bottle (which my insurance didn't cover because I"M NOT AN EPILEPTIC WHICH IS WHAT THE MEDICINE IS FOR... and the other bottle that is full FOR DEPRESSION WHICH I DON"T HAVE EITHER..... and whip them at the Dr.'s head.

I'll just fucking suffer rather than feel like this.

Happy damn Friday.
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  • CHANGE188
    I think you need a new doctor. That's BS -he why would he give you epilepsy medicine for insomnia and one of the side effects is insomnia? I have a great doctor up here in Roc if you don't mind coming up here. She's a great listener, takes a lot of notes and is very thoughtful about treatment. Her approach is to take care of the whole patient not the just symptoms.

    Can you get a break for a night by going somewhere else to sleep? When my mom was overwhelmed with having 3 kids under the age of 4 and no help from my dad she went to my grandma's house to get some rest and my grandma came to our house to help out. She said that she would have completely lost her noodle if she didn't have that option.

    Hang in there. I'm here for you.
    3713 days ago
    My vote..... get the doctor that gave it to you! I woudnt only hit him with it.... might shove it somewhere too!!! I am SO sorry! That is totally frustrating! Lots of hugs and I will try to get the sleep fairy to come to your house tonight! I sent the fairy a text, well see if he replies :o)
    3713 days ago
    I am sorry. I did go through something similar last year. I walked into my docs office after 5 weeks of only getting 3 hours of sleep (broken up) and she prescribed me a medication that takes THREE WEEKS TO WORK!

    I was so defeated.
    I took it but in the end I found Melatonin worked best for me. I hope you find some relief.

    (my guess is they gave you Klonapin - ugh)
    3713 days ago
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