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In this case the bully won

Sunday, February 27, 2011

It’s Sunday afternoon Febuary 27th . I got up this morning feeling very similar feelings I felt in high school. I’m still dealing with struggles and challenges of harassment that started at a very age. I was teased,tormented, and harassment because of my weight. I thought I found the solution to the problem by adapting to a healthy active lifestyle. I made my inner beauty match my outer beauty to better my life. It’s been 7 years and somehow I’m still facing the same challenges. I walked out of my job today. It’s been a few hours and I’m still wearing my uniform. It’s strange because I always take off my uniform as soon as I get in the house. I can’t bring myself to change because, Im disappointed in myself for being so weak. It’s the last time I’ll be wearing this uniform and I’m sad. I just quit a job that I really enjoyed. I’ve been there for 11 months. I wasn’t planning on having a lifelong career with this company but this was a really good fit for me. Everyone was polite and nice to eachother. It was really going along so well. I celebrate living well everyday so I was thrilled to be apart of this company. That all changed in January. People magazine came out and I got to see first hand what a green eye monster looks. I was bullied for being the “fat girl”. I was jealous of pretty girls but there was nobody jealous of me. I thought my co workers would be happy for me. A once in a lifetime kind of chance. I’ve never had any problems at work. I don’t get involved in any of the gossip, I don’t hang out with coworkers. I was just there to do my job. I was so happy and exciting with emotion being on tv and in the magazine. Everyone around me was sending me so many well wishes and congradulations. The atmosphere at work started to change. Co workers were jealous of me. Comments like “you’re a nobody get over yourself” “Your fifthteen minutes of fame is up” Screaming in my face “I don’t want to hear about your life, nobody cares about you “Oh miss celebritiy thinks she’s something can’t scrape a plate now can she”. This doesn’t even scratch the surface of the additional comments I received. The team was ganging up on me. One day about 80% of the servers made a really rude/cruel comment to me. I even had a point with one of my managers change. I had a really good relationship with her. We could chat and she got really excited for me about People magazine. I really needed help getting my shifts covered to be on the Today Show. It was like a major dilemma. I couldn’t believe there weren’t more understand of this wonderful dream I was living. My manger was not speaking to me. Literally not even making eye contact with me. I started becoming increasingly more uncomfortable at work. I tried the kill em with kindess routine. I did the just let it go and be the better person. I tried and tried until now. The rumors are increasing. The newest one is that I’m sleeping with a co worker. I really wonder how they create these rumors when I’ve never seen or talked to that person outside of work. I don’t understand why they wont just leave me alone. I notified all the managers as soon as it started. I said I don’t want to make any big issues I’m hoping this will blow over. Well it didn’t and today my manger couldn’t find time for me to talk about it. If it 45 minutes till the restaurant was open she couldn’t spare a moment. She can see I’m starting to choke up and tear up as I’m trying to relay this problem I’m having. She just blows me off. I got my coat and quietly exited the building. The last 2 months, everytime I get out of my car and approach the building I get a sick feeling in my stomach. The exact same sick feeling I had when I was 240lbs. Walking in waiting to get picked on and just having to take it. I definitely needed the job and wanted the job. There goes my insurance and cell phone discount. I’m a strong person but I’m not strong enough to work in an environment where the whole staff that’s against me. One of the things I learned is that money will never mean more then RESPECT to me!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD1546336
    You are an incredible person!!! Congrats on your success as well as your guts!!!! It took strength to choose your sanity over employment!! Be encouraged...the bully DIDN'T WIN!!!! Some victories feel a little funny ;)
    3385 days ago
  • BANDMAMAPC
    I wished that I saw this when you posted it. I'm so sorry that they turned on you like that. It's so evil that something that is supposed to be a happy moment in your life was turned into some jealous moment for your ex-coworker. If anything, they should have been proud of you for achieving your goal. I hope you found another job that doesn't have any bullies. So sad that they were so mean to you.
    Pearl
    3415 days ago
  • ONCEUPONADREAM

    First, I want to say that I am so sorry that you went through that. That really blows and I hope they will get what is coming to them in the end.!!

    I had to go back and read the blog before this one, and I've got a good idea of where you worked. If it's the one I am thinking of... That place run on pretension, darling. And you know what? You don't belong in a place like that, honestly. You deserve much better, and you ARE much better than that.

    Not gonna run away with the rest of my negative tongue, but everything for a reason. They lost you, so therefor, they lost BIG. Don't forget that.

    I also went to HEHS, but I was out in '98. :)


    3415 days ago
  • SARAFITNESS
    That's unbelievable! I'm so sorry you had to work with those people. That is unacceptable. All of those people should be ashamed of themselves. Enough is enough, you had to leave.

    I hope everything gets better. emoticon
    3419 days ago
  • TINYBUBBLES4
    WOW! I wish I worked with all of you!!! Thank you for taking the time to reach out and be there for me. It amazes me seeing people I've never met stand up for me. I truly appreciate the time you took commenting. IT HELPED SO MUCH! I was getting teary eyed reading the comments because, it really made me feel a lot better. I know at the end of the day no matter my struggle I have Spark. Their are people here that care! Hugs back to all of you for your kind hearts!

    3420 days ago
  • XIMERAGREY
    You could potentially talk to a lawyer about this. That was a hostile work environment. You reported it to your manager, and she did nothing. You tried again, and she wouldn't respond to you. I am NOT a lawyer and have no idea what that would accomplish. But I don't think you have anything to lose by asking a lawyer for a consult.

    Hostile work environments are NOT fun.
    3420 days ago
  • KARENE10
    You deserve better than to work with a bunch of jealous people. When one door closes another opens~you WILL get a better job. I agree with the others that you should report it to your managers boss. emoticon
    3420 days ago
  • AMY14609
    I'm so sorry to hear that this is happening to you.

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    That is just terrible - you've come so far and then to have things get worse for you instead of better just makes me want to cry with you.

    You were right to leave that place. No one deserves to be treated that way. (I know that doesn't help you with insurance, discounts and a paycheck) but... it is good for your mental health and sense of self.

    I hope you're able to turn this bump in the road into a good job with good people who treat you fairly.

    emoticon

    hang in there.

    ~Amy
    3420 days ago
  • PRETTYHAPPY
    Time for a paradigm shift. Good riddance to bad rubbage in your life! You have overcome a lot in your life and I think that will prove itself with your next wonderful chapter/job! You've got a SPARKle, and I know you'll start fresh and wonderfully somewhere else where they won't know this history of yours.
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    3420 days ago
  • ARTSY_CANDICE
    This should be reported quickly because your manager was not doing their job! I am so sorry but you deserve a healthy environment to match your healthy body and mind. good luck!! emoticon
    3420 days ago
  • SPARKGUY
    Sorry to hear about this Christina -- what a terrible experience. We'll all be here for you!

    Chris
    emoticon

    3420 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3994064
    Your story has touched me. Hold your head high, and keep moving forward.There are better things to come for you.
    I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
    3420 days ago
  • MOMGABE
    I agree with Beanzfrd. Even if you don't want to work for that company any more, you need to report this work-place harassment to your manager's boss. I hope you find a new job soon. You deserve better than what those mean-spirited, jealous people gave you.
    3421 days ago
  • DIAMONDFOOLER
    emoticon emoticon
    I wish I could actually put my arms around you now, but you did the right thing. Go out there and stand tall for standing up for yourself and find another job. You can do this! emoticon

    Keep up posted.
    Barbara
    3421 days ago
  • LYNMEINDERS
    I am proud of you for walking out....nobody deserves to work in an environment like that.... emoticon emoticon
    3421 days ago
  • BELLE0308
    Oh WOW how important your blog is. You have relayed something that so many people deal with but don't always talk about. Whenever you reach for a goal and achieve it, people get jealous and try to drag you down. When you are overweight they want to tear you down by showing you how much of a failure you are. This is about making you know your "place" according to them. So when you make goals and reach them, then they get jealous and want to put you BACK down to the spot they feel is your place.
    Reality is that unless you have gone through this struggle, you can't imagine how much it hurts.
    I think you did the right thing. You need a new place where people will be able to treat you for who you are. Accept nothing less than the best for yourself. So many people are inspired by you and feel proud for you, you can't waste time with those who don't.
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    3421 days ago
  • CAROLYN0107
    You did the right thing to leave a workplace where you constantly got picked on. No one should have to put up with that. I'm so sorry that it has happened to you. Thanks for being open here with your SparkFriends. We are here for you!
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    3421 days ago
  • WENDYJM4
    Hi Christina,
    You deserve better than this, it is just horrible treatment. It is human nature to be jealous of another person and you sure coped that at your employment. I would be taking it higher up because it is unacceptable behaviour.
    emoticon
    3421 days ago
  • NURSNANA
    I am so sorry you had to endure this kind of treatment by your co-workers. You did the right thing to walk out! I do believe when one door closes another opens! There are bigger and better jobs out there for you! Start with the Sunday newspaper! Don't waste time feeling guilty over not putting in your notice and working out your time. I had to do this one time myself, and I wasted a lot of time feeling bad about the way I handled my exit. We are all here for you and we want to offer our support to you, feel free to vent anytime!

    ~Hugs~
    Nancy

    n> emoticon
    emoticon
    3421 days ago
  • AMYRENEE1967
    Time to hire an attorney-- because enough is enough. It will be draining and I know you want to put it all behind you but bullies NEED to be put in their place. I am a middle school counselor and deal with awful bullying situations... the biggest problem is when NO ONE talks.. You do have rights, you were being bullied/harassed and you need to make an example of them. Even to regain your self confidence, worth and respect.

    You tell your self every day that you are wonderful, and deserve respect and expect nothing less... you can grow from this- but you need to take action!
    3421 days ago
  • THEWINNER33
    You did the right thing. Now take it to their suprtiors and make them justify theis actions. When God closes one door He opens another. Be strong. Hugs, Marcia
    3421 days ago
  • BEANZFRD
    You really should see someone higher up than your imediate supervisor about this. Even if you don't want to work there anymore, the owners of the company need to know what kind of people are working for them.If they can't treat coworkers right, how can they be trusted to take care of customers?

    I'm sorry you had to deal with this. Jealousy is a terrible thing.
    3421 days ago
  • GARDENCHRIS
    I AM so SORRY this has happened to you! This is a very hostile environment, I would be talking to an attorney! The MANAGER is responsible to make sure this stuff does not happen. I would also be going to the unemployment office.

    you deserve to be treated with respect, It just goes to show what SMALL minds people have. Instead of being happy for you, they have to rain on your parade. emoticon emoticon
    3421 days ago
  • HARROWJET
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    Judy emoticon
    3421 days ago
  • DARLENEK04
    Christina,

    You have a great deal of inner strength to deal with all that
    you have had to deal with.

    In my observations, there are always some people who can't
    stand when someone else has a success, because they themselves
    don't have enough initiative to do likewise.

    There is another job out there that will suit you better with
    more supportive people. Just don't give up on you or your dreams.

    You sound like a savvy little girl, and we are all here to cheer
    you onward and support you, so you are never alone.

    Proud of you and all you have accomplished..

    Darlene
    3421 days ago
  • CYCLINGRJ
    Hi Christina,

    You deserve a better job and group of people to work with. You've made some really remarkable progress - very cool stuff! Sad how adults are doing this. You deserve better indeed.


    3421 days ago
  • MILLYMOLLY99
    Oh you poor thing, that's just horrible! I hope you are able to find another job soon.
    emoticon
    3421 days ago
  • EVER-HOPEFUL
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3421 days ago
  • GARDENQE2
    I am SO sorry you have had to deal with bullying people. There is nothing worse than the feeling of disapointment when people you like and trust turn on you.

    As others have said, another door will open for you.

    Keep in the front of your mind the reason you began this journey, and keep trying to help others. Your message is a valuable one, and you are a valuable human being.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3421 days ago
  • SUZYMARC
    Honey, I am very sorry you've had to deal with this issue from both ends in your life all due people's cruelty and jealousy. That you remained and did your best to calm the waters since you liked your job says a lot about you.

    GOOD FOR YOU on walking out in a quiet way instead of going balstic and saying rotten things back. That takes a lot of strength, character and courage. You do NOT have to put up with those conditions and I understand. I actually left 2 jobs due to similar treatment for reasons beyond my understanding on why the table suddenly tilted down into the pits of Hell with my co-workers acting nasty and distant. I have experienced that sick stomach, and how much strength it takes to continue to walk back in through that door to go to work, not because you like your co-workers but because you love your job and the people you wait on. There comes a time though when you have to realize you are a better person and deserve better treatment especially if you don't retaliate back in a nasty way, but try to act in a professional manner.

    Lets look at this as a door closed on a bad situation. I believe you will have a new doorways opening towards you, when you get back out there and look for a job. You've faced a number of challenges worked hard and consistently at conquering them and succeeded. Please do NOT let these people change your BELIEF in YOURSELF. You are a beautiful person starting from the inside and shining outward. Others will recognize that and I hope in the future you no longer have to deal with such childish behavior.

    Hang in there and know you've got people out here who care and believe in YOU and are VERY PROUD of your success and recognition for changing your life to the better. emoticon
    3421 days ago
  • RUNANDRUN
    So easy to say, but important to know: it's their problem. If they think so small of themselves that they can't celebrate another's success then they are nothing but poison to you. You will get over this and find a better place to work and better place to be. Hugs to you....one day at a time.
    3421 days ago
  • LIVING4HIM_INWI
    Wow, this is a tough situation! I can't imagine, it must have been so hard for you, and I am sure that it is still very hard. You are getting some good advice from the previous comments. You do need someone to talk to and learn ways that can help you overcome. I hope that you have faith in Christ and have christian friends that you can go to. I pray that you don't have to be a victim anymore. It is time for a change. In my life, it has helped for me to really think about what types of jobs that I would enjoy doing and prayed about them and was very fortunate to have the right job come about at the right time. I am praying that you find a great job that you love and that you are surrounded by supportive people! Hold your head high, you will come out of this and will be much better off!
    3421 days ago
  • PAMIEKAE
    It's sad that people have to be like that, and that you had to leave your job. It's their shame not yours. Keep your head up and remember that when one door shuts another one opens. A new job will be there for you and you'll be all the happier. Losing a good employee is the companies loss. You're manager should especially be ashamed of her behavior and failure to do her job. It just shows what a better person you are to not have taken action legal or going above her head and make a formal complaint against her.

    So go out there, look forward at all the wonderful things life has in store for you! You deserve them all!!!!
    3421 days ago
  • BERRIMOUSE
    Honey there are people like those almost everywhere and you seemed to deal with it admirably for the time you were there no matter but the time comes when you just have to move away and from the situation. I do believe that when one door closes (even if you shut it yourself) another one opens and that God has a plan for you and it is bigger and better than the one you just left. Hang in there and things will surely change for you and I pray that it will be soon. emoticon emoticon
    3421 days ago
  • BIGMUMMY7
    It is hard to believe that people can be so nasty when they are jealous.
    Your achievements are enough to make anyone jealous, you are an inspiration.
    Hope you soon find another job where the other staff appreciate having such a special person working with them.
    You have every reason to be so PROUD of yourself emoticon
    3421 days ago
  • NETTIENETNET
    emoticon I can't believe people really act like this. Adults should know better!! I am soo very sorry you had to experience this again. No one should ever have to deal with being bullied. Know that there are others here cheering as loud as they can for you!! Excited that you get to share your success with the world.
    All things come together in the end. You did the right thing by being the bigger person and just walking away. You could have had a fit, made an example out of someone, but that would make you just like them. Not a good thing.
    Hang in there. Know that we are here. You need to vent, we will listen. We will do our best to help you through.
    Hold your head high. You have done things that a lot of people struggle with. Congrats emoticon
    3421 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2801676
    I could not have said it better than INDIANOAKS. I particularly like the last paragraph. I also agree you did the right thing by walking out, and I really hope you are able to move forward with your appearance on the Today show.

    I also hope you get an opportunity to talk about this when you are on the show (giving the company anonymity). I don't think what you are experiencing is that uncommon. However, I think it is more common when it comes to spouses - regardless - it is no less unfortunate that it happened. Based on what you wrote let me just tell you - you are the stronger person in this.

    Obviously you may not have the same benefits now, but I think you need to look at getting some professional advise to help you move on from this experience as well as your experiences in High school.

    YOU should be proud of YOU for standing up for YOU. It is time for YOU to move on.
    3421 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/27/2011 5:07:18 PM
  • LADYIRISH317
    That is horrible! I know you don't feel it now, but you are far better off not being among jealous, petty little people like that. You deserve to celebrate your accomplishments. Please know that we think you're extremely special and we're very, very proud of you!
    3421 days ago
  • INDIANOAKS
    I just saw your blog title on the Slowest Loser team "stream" thing...came to your page and after reading your blog, my heart is just breaking for you!! HOW AWFUL!!! I am SO SORRY you've experienced such a change in attitudes towards you at work etc!! That's HORRIBLE!!

    GOOD FOR YOU for walking out and not tolerating being treated like that! I'm sure you're scared...but you did the right thing! NO ONE should be treated like that!!! You deserve MORE than that! You'll figure out the best move for you to make next -- I'll be hoping and praying that you find a place that VALUES you and is HAPPY for ALL you've accomplished in your life!!

    It's SO hard to understand how even as an ADULT people can be so cruel! They SHOULD have been CELEBRATING with you!! You're a remarkable person -- and DON'T forget that!!! I'm SO glad you realized you deserved better treatment and aren't going to continue to tolerate that kind of stuff!!

    Hang in there!!! emoticon emoticon
    3421 days ago
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