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the best I have to offer right now - my honesty

Monday, March 07, 2011

I finally figured out why I've been so shy about jumping back into blogging here at sparkpeople. When I sit down and look at where I'm at, where I've been, where I want to be ... I feel like I have absolutely zilch to offer to anyone. Who wants to read a bunch of empty promises that I keep making to myself over and over?

Well, maybe that's not what it's about at all. The promises haven't been empty. Looking back at them now, they feel empty because I never followed through on any of them at that time. But really ... I'm following through right now, aren't I? This is a lifetime. It's not something I'm going to get done in a year, month, week, day ... I keep coming back.

And I'm painfully honest in what I share. I can only work though the underlying issues if I'm willing to be honest with myself and dig deep. Writing is the best way I know how to get there. So it's all out here in the open, for anyone to see. All in the hopes that maybe ... just maybe ... someone else can say "yeah! I know what you're talking about!" And in that case, either they can add some insight to what I'm dealing with or they can take something away from what I've shared.

I want to be honest with myself and everyone who may (or may not) be reading. I want to learn from this.

I want this cycle to end.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • VIVRE5
    This so could be coming straight out of my mind! It is hard to have faith in yourself when you look back and all you see are the stops and starts. Keep heading forward. We can both do this! I believe in you.
    3277 days ago
    Sweetie we are all clothed in the same flesh...where the spirit is willing and the flesh is weak. The fact is that life gets in the way...and as much as we would like to focus on this journey other things take priority. I see you are a single Mom. That is two jobs in itself. The job of being Mom and Dad. The truth is that sometimes there is just not time to blog and write everything down...or go to the gym......that doesn't mean we are quitting...if you are aware of your choices of food and are try to eat as healthy as you can.....playing with your girls that counts as excercise, so do it often.(They grow up so fast!!) Do all you can do to keep the balance...but when you can..and life gives you a break....then go at fitness with gusto. We are always here for you. I have raised my kids..and have helped others raise theirs but I remember what it was like. Don't be hard on yourself.......I think you are doing fine.
    3356 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/22/2011 6:41:36 PM
    Hugs to you - I can relate. But go back and re-read your second paragraph. That's the important part that you need to remember. You haven't given up - you keep coming back - and ultimately that will lead you to achieve your goal. The road may be a little bumpy, or steep, or winding at times, but eventually you'll get there.
    3365 days ago
  • LEXIE63
    One of my favourite quotes:

    'A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.'

    I've been loving SP because it has encouraged me to get more and more of those steps working together to keep my journey moving forward. :-)

    We all rest from time to time, take a break, but we then continue the journey. I prefer to think of it that way than to keep saying I am starting over. Starting over can be seen as a negative thing, like we gave up, couldn't make the grade or something, whereas, having a rest or taking a break is a normal and good thing to do while we recharge our batteries. Rest is good for us too. :-) It is all part of life's rich tapestry and it all teaches us something about how best to move forward when we have finished taking our break. :-)

    Am I making sense? I only ask because I am falling asleep after three nights of hardly any sleep. LOL
    Lex xxx
    3368 days ago
    Oh, Teresa. I get it...and you have helped me tremendously in ways you don't even know!

    Hugs...and keep blogging honestly...I miss writing but crazy work so When I do have the time I don't have the energy...maybe I need a microphone to dictate to my computer! emoticon
    3368 days ago
    Hi, I do understand because I feel the same way. I have written this in my blog in the last 2 days. Keep going. I also have had to do a lot of soul searching in these last 2 days.
    Take care
    3369 days ago
    I'm not sure I believe the purpose of blogging is even to encourage others. If they find it there then great. If not.. .well then its simply therapy for yourself. Its "being heard" in good and bad. Just my take.
    I get what you mean about empty promises; I feel that way sometimes too.
    My mantra has been, "the power of one" and tonight, I attended a Dave Ramsey seminar lesson. Right away he talked about "baby steps" that will eventually get you there. It reminded me of my mantra. It really is little things that get you the distance over time. ONE change, one step... it all adds up to the goal. Keep steppin! Thanks for posting on my blog too : )
    3369 days ago
    Thanks for being honest. It's tough. I'm a divorced mom of six. So you are not alone. I bought a calender at the dollar store. I keep it on my bathroom wall and I weigh myself, write my exercise, and whatever, and have a visual that helps make me accountable because I've never really stuck with a health and fitness program longer than a few months. I've found myself thinking I'll have to write down my numbers on that calender so I make smarter choices. It's not much, but it works for me. You can and will do this! We're here for you.
    3370 days ago
    Back when I began Sparks in 2007(I think it was 2007 LOL) I weighed 325ish....well now i am 400 so I have lost 100 pounds to get to 270 while here on Sparks and gained it all back and then some to get to 400 while here on sparks so i too feel like I have nothing to offer others but I keep hearing differentally from the friends I have made here.

    One thing I do know I can offer is I know first hand what it feels like to lose 100 pounds but I also know what it is like to turn back to food in hard times to only gain all of it back so i can bring wisdom anbd experience to others who are in the same shoes i am in.

    I am learning to take this journey ONE day at a time and only focus on TODAY as today is all we are even promised. If i were to look at the fact I have 250 pounds to lose I would be so disheartend but if i just look at what I can do today to make things better then i have succeeded.
    3371 days ago
    "Yeah, I know what you're talking about."

    I too dont bother blogging much because I dont think I have anything to offer anyone else. I struggling getting through a single day without overeating lately... so who wants to read about that! But you are right, I think writing about our issues will ultimately help us deal with our issues. So, even if noone else chooses to read our blogs, I think it's a good idea to get blogging! Hmmm... maybe I will start too!
    3371 days ago
    You said it " This is a lifetime". When we stop to think about that, perhaps we can be nicer to ourselves. This is a journey to a healthier happier life. Every single step you take, even the ones that you think are backwards, help propel you in the right direction. Learn from every experience. emoticon emoticon
    3371 days ago
    it can. you have the power to end it.
    and you are right... it is a lifetime. you are following through now.
    3371 days ago
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