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Thursday, March 17, 2011

Hello everyone!!

I am back!! I know it's been a while, but I am back and I'm STAYING this time. Both my daughter and my son are helping me to stay on track. Well, my husband is helping me as well.

My oldest daughter just bought the Insanity workout DVD's. I have only been doing it for 3 days now, today makes 4 days. I feel so great!! I have more energy all ready. It makes a big difference when you have someone who is here to help you do it. I love my family!!

Now I am going on to something that's way off this subject. I just want to catch you all up to date on what's been going on in my life.

As some of you know, my 17 year old (now 18 year old) found out she was pregnant back in January. At the time I was not happy about it. Well, I got over it pretty quick. I was actually getting excited. My 2nd grandbaby!! At 8 weeks she had an ultrasound. Baby looked great. It was so awesome to see that little tiny baby.

Well, I have some bad news about that. Three weeks ago, I had to take my daughter to the ER. Her stomach was hurting. Doctor said she probably pulled a muscle. That same week, we went to her doctor. He checked her, and said, no, she her belly is stretching and everything looks fine. She was 10 weeks at the time. Doctor said it was still a little to early to hear the baby's heart beat.

Well, last week, (March 8th) my daughter was 12 weeks pregnant. She started bleeding. Just a little, when she wiped. I took her to the ER, and by the time she was seen, she had quit bleeding. They did an ultrasound. And no heartbeat. We were devistated. We came home around 5 a.m. My daughter did not bleed that whole day. (March 9th now). Her doctor wanted to see her a week later. I did not want her to pass this baby here at home. So, that next morning, I was going to call the doctor (March 10) and demand him to see her that day. Well, at 4:30 a.m. my daughter came into my room and just cried and cried. She said she passed it. All I could do was hold her and cry with her. She went into the living room to lay down around 7 a.m. I fell asleep then.

Well, just before 8 a.m. she came into my room and hurting pretty bad. I don't know alot about miscarriages so, I told her just to lay beside me. She kept moaning and moaning and tossing and turning. I was laying there thinking, this sounds like it's labor pains. How can this be, when she already passed it?? So, I told her I was going to jump in the shower, then take her to the Doctors. So, I woke my oldest one up to go lay by my other daughter and keep an eye on her.

As I was in the shower, my oldest daughter started screaming. She came running into the bathroom screaming saying, Momma she's bleeding bad. It's running down her leg. I told my oldest one to leave and go get my truck from her daddy's work, so I can take her to the hospital. As she was gone, My other daughter came into the bathroom a little calm and tried to use the bathroom. I was getting out of the shower, and she started screaming saying...Ohhh momma, I didn't pass what I thought I passed this morning. It's in my underwear. I told her let me see, to make sure. Well, there was the baby. You can see the arms and legs and head, eyes and everything. Baby still had the tail. My daughter started going hysterical. I called my husband and told him to come home. I didn't know if I would be able to get it away from her. She said, no she wanted to show her sister. She said don't worry about taking me to the doctor, because I'm not hurting anymore. So, it definately was labor pains. All she kept saying was...I went through labor and even pushed my baby out and can't keep it.

Well, her sister came home, and I had to run to the store. I had no more pads for her. When I came home, they both were in the bathroom, just crying and crying. She had asked my oldest daughter if she wanted to see. She said..."First, before I show you, I just want to say. Be thankful for your child, because this is my child". My oldest one started crying. It was so sad.

She came out of the bathroom, with her pants and everything, and asked me, what do I do with this?. I said you will have to throw it in the garbage. She said she will go outside and throw it in the dumpster. Pants and all. She came back in just sobbing and saying, I had to throw my baby in the dumpster. I went through labor, and pushing and everything and had to throw my baby away. Ohhhh man, I just cried and cried. I called the doctor, and he said to bring her on in.

He says what happened was, for the first 8 to 10 weeks, the baby feeds off of a yoke. Then your hormones will take over. My daughter's never did. He said that in the future, if she was to get pregnant again, he will put her on some kind of hormone so that she doesn't go through this again.

This really has taken a toll on us all. Everytime I happen to see one of my grandson's old baby spoon, I would start crying. Then I would think....If I am getting this upset over a baby spoon, how does she feel?? Then I'd cry even more. It is so sad.

I was really torn. On the same day as we found out there was no heartbeat, my oldest daughter got engaged. This happened a few hours before we found out about the heartbeat. Her fiance proposed to her infront of her dad and I. It was so sweet and romantic. I was just overjoyed. Then a few hours later, just so sad.

Here I am a parent of 2 girls. My oldest daughter it was the best day of her life, (other than having my grandson) and the worst day of my other daughter's life. How was I to handle this? My oldest understood that I can't be happy for her, but I could see the disappointment in her eyes, when she got to talking about it, and I wasn't really paying attention.

Well, she set the date to be married March 10, 2012. I told her about the dates. March 10th was when my other daughter passed her baby. My daughter said, but I really want this date though. But if it's going to bother her, I will change it. I told her, not to change it just yet. Maybe she will be ok with it as time gets closer.

My daughter is physically stronger. She's healing up pretty good. But emotionally, she's not where I'd like her to be. She is getting stronger. So, as each day passes by, it's getting easier to deal with. It's only been a week. But it's been a LONG week.

Please keep my daughter in your prayers. She is going through a rough time. She will get through this, it's just going to take time.

Thank you everyone for listening.

May God bless each and every one of you.

As always,

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I feel for your daughter and your family. That is something very terrible and tragic to go through. My prayers are with you all.

    I will share this with you (and your daughter). My husband and I started to try to have children and got pregnant right away. I was thrilled because I was going to have a summer baby. At 5 weeks I was spotting and I went for an ultrasound and told everything was fine. I even got an ultrasound photo. Somehow though I didn't feel as reassured as I should have. Three weeks later I was spotting again and did not feel right. I left work to go home to rest. The next morning (about 4am) I got up to go to the bathroom since I had been having pain and passed the entire fetus into the toilet. I woke my husband up and showed him and I asked if I should flush it and he said yes. I felt so bad about doing that. I did not know for sure at this time if it was the fetus. I called my OB's office and the OB on call told me to make an appointment to come in when they opened the office that day. She said I possibly could have passed a clot that size, but she had to see me. Well, my husband and I went to the appointment and she did an ultrasound and I was told by the Dr. that I indeed expelled the entire fetus. At least I did not need a D & C. The Dr. explained that there possibly was something wrong with the fetus and that may be for the best. I try to tell myself that, but no one really knows. My heart was so heavy at that time and it took me months to get over the loss. We could not try to have another for a few months, and then of course we had troubles getting pregnant.

    I now have to healthy and beautiful daughters ages 8 and 4. They are not summer babies (December and October). My 2nd baby was born the day before my birthday. My husband's birthday is in November. This is why I wanted a summer baby so that the family birthdays could be spread out. But you know what, it truly does not matter. Things happen for a reason sometimes and we have no control over it. And so many women have experienced this, it just isn't talked about as much as it could be. That is one thing I found out through miscarriage/loss support boards online. Connecting with other women who experienced miscarriages and fertility issues. I also found out my mother and my grandmother both had miscarriages before they had their first child. But no one told me that until it happened to me.

    Please let her read this post and know that she is not alone. Maybe she can find a support group online like I did (at the time the site I used was called ePregnancy, but I think it has changed names).

    I understand this was an unplanned pregnancy, but a loss is a loss. I hope she will use protection from now on and look forward to the bright future she has ahead of her as a young woman. Prayers for all your sorrows being sent emoticon
    3467 days ago
    That is so sad! SO young to go through something like this and to actually SEE the fetus! Prayers definitely!
    3477 days ago
    Thank you all for your kind words. It really means alot.

    Let me explain something. My daughter had an ultrasound at 8 weeks, but not through her doctor. It was through BirthChoice. It's a place for pregnant mothers, married or not. They earn points to spend when the baby is born. They can buy baby clothes, crib, carseat, maternity clothes, baby formula, diapers and just about anything that goes with the baby or the mother. This place is really good. It shows the mother what her body will be doing, and how the baby is developing every 2 weeks. It's really a great program.

    Anyway, my daughter had not been to the doctor until she was 10 weeks. Only because she had no insurance at the time she got pregnant. We were waiting on the insurance to start. When she went, at 10 weeks, the doctor was going to an ultrasound 3 weeks later to make sure how everything was going. We did not mention to him about the other ultrasound. For some reason we forgot to mention it. So, when she had one when we went to the ER, that was the only one the doctor knew about. So, the doctor was thinking that the baby never had a heartbeat. She had quit bleeding that whole day. No pain or anything. That's why he said to come back in a week. I was going to take her to the doctor that next morning anyway, to demand him to do a D&C. But instead she had passed it that early morning. We called the doctor and he told us to bring her in right away. That's when we told him about the other ultrasound with a heartbeat. He said, if he'd known that he would have done something the day before. So, it was really our fault why the doctor wanted to wait a week. I don't blame him at all. We should have told him about it.

    My daughter is doing alot better. Her body is healing up. Emotionally, she is getting stronger. It's only been 9 days, and she is talking more about it, with a little less crying.

    Thank you all for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. We are getting stronger, but it's still a rough road to go down.
    3477 days ago
    i have been thinking of you alot i cryed with you for your daughter what a hard thing for her to deal with and see. you are all in my prayers. its one thing when people lose a baby early on in the pregenacy but to lose it that far along is completly differnet in a lot of ways. The dr should of did a dnc right away he new what the baby would look like at that far along and should not of let her see it. it would of been easyer on her if she did not see it. either way it will be hard on her for months
    3479 days ago
    I am so sorry for your loss. Please tell your daughter that she is in my thoughts and prayers. My experience was pretty similar and it is going to take your daughter quite a bit of time to recover both physically and emotionally. She is very fortunate to have you there to help her through this.
    emoticon emoticon
    3479 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/17/2011 12:45:45 PM
  • no profile photo CD3922103
    Bless your heart! I cannot imagine what a difficult road you have been on. I will definitely be praying for you and your daughter!
    3479 days ago
    First of all ... Welcome Back!! Glad you found your way back and are "here to stay"...
    That is quite a story and no words I can say can even begin to express how sorry I am that you, your daughter, and the rest of family had to go through something like this. I will definitely keep all of you in my thoughts and in my prayers!

    3479 days ago
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