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Living with fatigue from chemo

Saturday, March 26, 2011

I'm on another "chemo vacation"; by that I mean that I don't have any treatments this coming week. I get my chemo every Tuesday for 3 weeks in a row, then a week off. I'm really having to battle fatigue with this one too. On my last "vacation" I overdid it with my activity, I thought I was really going to get some things done, but I did not pace myself like I should have and just made the fatigue worse.

But this coming week, I'm going to treat myself kinder. When it comes to my activities, I am going to have to do some thinking about my priorities, decide which things have to be done, and which things can wait if I am not up for it. This fatigue is not going to go away any time soon, so I just need to make peace with that fact and find a way to live with it. I am going to try to take each day as it comes, and not worry so much about the next day, next week, next month, etc.

I'm dealing with increasing pain in my hip and knee also, which I will be talking to my pain specialist about next month. Feeling more weakness in that leg too. The pain pills I take make me tired also.

I have plenty of things to do at home to keep me busy, even when I can't be on my feet. I have my computer, I love to read, work on crafts, and of course, there's my tv and movies. I do feel bad that I can't make a lot of plans with my friends right now; it's hard to plan ahead with the chemo because I never know how I will feel one day to the next. They understand, but I still feel like I am being a neglectful friend.

I also decided that this year, because of the chemo, fatigue, and pain issues, that I won't be doing any gardening this year. I will miss planting my flowers, but it's not something worth wearing myself out for. There is no way I can keep up the maintenance of it. Plus, not having to worry about the weather, if it's too hot or too cold, if there's not enough rain, etc, will be one less thing I have to stress over. I feel a little sad about not being able do it, but I also feel at peace with not having to deal with it this year. My health has to come first. I will probably get a couple of hanging baskets for the porch though, those don't require much care. And since I won't be spending the money on other plants, flowers, and potting soil, I might splurge and get some fancier baskets this year. The Amish that sell at our farmer's market in the spring and summer have some beautiful ones!

I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me! I just want to be honest about what I am going through. There are still a lot of good things in my life to be thankful for, even on my worst days, there are things to enjoy and be happy about; sometimes I just need to remind myself of that.
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  • JOAN68
    You sound like you have made some pretty good decisions for yourself and your summer. I have been where you are now with the garden and flower situation. It made me sad at the time. I didn't have a garden last year. My neighbor did, so she shared. (She is a stroke patient). It was her first one in several years and she thought she couldn't do it. Her husband tilled and planted, then I helped her when I could. This year we are both having one. I have had to learn to tell others what I need help with. It was hard at first, now they offer to help and I let them.

    I will plant a roll of vegs in your name and name a flower after you. God loves you and we do too. Take care...Watch that fatigue, it will put you in the bed if you aren't careful. It is better to be able to do some than nothing...Right. Joan
    3346 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    Now maybe I can begin to blog again and live again!!
    3348 days ago
    I cannot imagine you as a "Neglectful friend" I don't think it's in your genes.

    I feel sorry about not being able to garden this year. You gave some really good reasons for not doing it and what you can do instead, so it's great to know you are OK with it.
    3349 days ago
    Can your friends come to visit you? Maybe bring over a picnic basket and have lunch at your place?

    3349 days ago
    I would never feel sorry for you.. You are so positive and have a plan.. That is awesome emoticon Take Care Of You
    3350 days ago
    I really appreciate you being honest! I have a friend who has just found out he has brain and lung cancer. By you being honest it helps me understand what he is going through! I will send you pictures of my flowers (if I do not kill them all)!!! I have palnted bulbs, we will see! Enjoy your evening!!!!! emoticon emoticon
    3350 days ago
    The hanging baskets sound like a good idea - a nice compromise between what you would like to do, and what you are able to do.

    emoticon emoticon
    3350 days ago
  • CANNIE50
    Reading this, it occurred to me that maybe your friends could come to you, and maybe they could plant a few flowers, and then they could tend the flowers, and your friendship, and maybe tend to you a bit, because you certainly deserve it. I have a rule that when one of my friends is in a crisis of health, or grief, or one of the other huge challenges life can bring, I throw out my expectations and I concentrate of what I can do for THEM, without expecting them to follow the normal rules of give and take. I bet people ask you if there is anything they can do for you. In my experience, I love when people give me a concrete answer to that question. I love being told exactly how I can be helpful, though I know it is not easy to ask. I figure, I can't fix the problem but maybe I can make an hour or two a bit easier. Take care! emoticon
    3350 days ago
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