Living with fatigue from chemo
Saturday, March 26, 2011
I'm on another "chemo vacation"; by that I mean that I don't have any treatments this coming week. I get my chemo every Tuesday for 3 weeks in a row, then a week off. I'm really having to battle fatigue with this one too. On my last "vacation" I overdid it with my activity, I thought I was really going to get some things done, but I did not pace myself like I should have and just made the fatigue worse.
But this coming week, I'm going to treat myself kinder. When it comes to my activities, I am going to have to do some thinking about my priorities, decide which things have to be done, and which things can wait if I am not up for it. This fatigue is not going to go away any time soon, so I just need to make peace with that fact and find a way to live with it. I am going to try to take each day as it comes, and not worry so much about the next day, next week, next month, etc.
I'm dealing with increasing pain in my hip and knee also, which I will be talking to my pain specialist about next month. Feeling more weakness in that leg too. The pain pills I take make me tired also.
I have plenty of things to do at home to keep me busy, even when I can't be on my feet. I have my computer, I love to read, work on crafts, and of course, there's my tv and movies. I do feel bad that I can't make a lot of plans with my friends right now; it's hard to plan ahead with the chemo because I never know how I will feel one day to the next. They understand, but I still feel like I am being a neglectful friend.
I also decided that this year, because of the chemo, fatigue, and pain issues, that I won't be doing any gardening this year. I will miss planting my flowers, but it's not something worth wearing myself out for. There is no way I can keep up the maintenance of it. Plus, not having to worry about the weather, if it's too hot or too cold, if there's not enough rain, etc, will be one less thing I have to stress over. I feel a little sad about not being able do it, but I also feel at peace with not having to deal with it this year. My health has to come first. I will probably get a couple of hanging baskets for the porch though, those don't require much care. And since I won't be spending the money on other plants, flowers, and potting soil, I might splurge and get some fancier baskets this year. The Amish that sell at our farmer's market in the spring and summer have some beautiful ones!
I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me! I just want to be honest about what I am going through. There are still a lot of good things in my life to be thankful for, even on my worst days, there are things to enjoy and be happy about; sometimes I just need to remind myself of that.