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MOMMAPANTZ says it better than I

Saturday, March 26, 2011

MOMMAPANTZ titles her SparkPage: "Momma getting a better idea of how to get things done!" That's the struggle of my life.

When I was a boy, my father was away a lot. When I was 9, he left our family in Santa Cruz, NM, in the Espanola Valley, to work as an agricultural consultant in Saudi Arabia. He left me as "man of the house." So I created my own ways of getting things done--I don't remember how much guidance I got from Mom. Can anybody remember those moment-to-moment lessons in childhood that shape our ways of solving problems? So what I remember is some sense of being on my own.

Anger, lashing out, reactivity, grandiosity have all been part of my toolbox for getting things done. Now finally at 73, I'm beginning to find another way or other ways. I'm not just judging or condemning my "tools." I'm beginning to pick up new ones. But old habits die hard, or as one of my spiritual teachers in the Diamond Approach to the Enneagram said, "The ego says, 'Wait, I wasn't done yet/'" Believe me, my ego has tried many ways, countless times, not to have to learn any new ways of doing things and to keep on doing them the old way. It's a relief to be a bit out from under the shadow of the old ways.
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