Get it girl...get back on that horse!!!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
I have taken a hiatus from alot of things lately...the biggest being from working out, from eating a structured healthy meal plan (which I love doing), and from doing what I need to do for ME. And now I will add dating to that list.
I was dating a man for the past two months who seemed too good to be true...well...he was. He was doing EVERYTHING for me - fixing things around my house, putting fresh flower arrangments on my dining room table weekly, and taking care of my every need. So what's wrong with this picture you ask? I was losing my independence!!! I am the type of woman who needs to do some things on her own, to take care of business, and to have my own personal time - and I was losing that without even realizing it. At first, I thought all the things he was doing was great, but then I suddenly realized he was really trying hard...too hard...to fit into my life. I had several conversations with him about needing my space and feeling a bit suffocated. I mean, I couldn't even talk about a pair of sandals I was eyeing up without them showing up at my house the next day. I know there are probably a million women who think I have lost my mind, who would kill to be in my shoes. BUT when you are used to doing everything on your own for at least 6 years, you can strength and independence from that. And when someone wants to be attached to your hip and wait on you 24/7, it is a very uncomfortable situation to be in. Don't get me wrong, I have dated and even had two serious relationships during the past 6 years - they didn't work out for other reasons. But the one thing I did have in those relationships was a mutual respect for each others space.
I don't ask for much, and I am not a princess, please do not treat me like one, treat me as an equal. It's okay to be thoughtful and helpful, but lets be honest here...are any of us capable of being that 365/24/7? So I had to ask myself, is there a red flag in here somewhere?
After telling him he was continuing to suffocate me, he begged for another chance - he wanted to change himself to meet my needs, and he admitted that in those words. I then told him we as individuals should NEVER have to change who we are, or sacrifice our own needs, just to make someone happy. He admitted he wanted to be with someone ALL the time, he wanted to take care of them, and fulfill every need they had. Can you say needy? I guess coming from a single (divorced) mom, I have learned to depend on myself alot, and I want a relationship where we can compliment each other, but respect each other's space, and as individuals. Sure you can fix my kitchen sink, and I will be very appreciative. But I don't need you to lay your life on the line for me during the same visit. PLEASE!
In a nutshell, I ended it - and he is taking it really hard. I mean, REALLY hard. So I have closed that door. I realized (and shared with him) that you can really care about someone and at the same time know you are trying to put a square peg into a round hole. Its not fair, but its life. No one said it would be all rainbows and sunshine!
So with putting that behind me and being asked to be in my best friend's wedding, I decided that I need to continue to do what makes me happy, and what I really need to do for myself. It all boils down to, getting back on the horse (without a man in the saddle) and pushing forward.