short script for an animation about Spark People

I'm looking for suggestions!
I want to make a fun 'explainer' video for spark people in my free time (something to share with ya'll)
It'll be about 45 seconds long (or less, depending on edits to the script)

Please take a read and send any suggestions you may have!

Title: How I got the Spark

Script (Voice over):

About a year ago, I was sitting at home and dreaming about getting FIT.

How would my hips look? Would my breasts shrink? Could I go on my dream hiking trip in New Zealand (and look cute, too?) Maybe even... fit into that little white dress?

I posted my musings on FaceBook – and my friend asked:

Have you got the Spark?

Spark? What’s that?

So she told me about SparkPeople.com, a place for people of all ages and sizes to come together and Learn how to get fit, Track their successes (and failures) and to get Support form the community.

Wow!

I logged on and got started right away.

I’ve written countless blogs, tracked my calories eaten and burned (although I’m hardly perfect!), and made a ton of friends along the way.

Sure, I’ve got a ways to go before I make that “Goal”, but I’m no longer sitting on the sidelines.

I’ve got my Spark, how about you?