SP Premium


So its been awhile

Thursday, April 14, 2011

I have fallen off the wagon big time. I havent been back to sparkpeople in over a year. In this year I have gained over 40lbs of weight. This cycle needs to stop. As I have battled my inner demons with depression its seems like food has taken over my life. Food is what I am using to cope with life. If I am happy, mad, sad I eat. I dont eat to fill up my growling stomach, I eat to fill the hole I feel inside of me. The hole I believe is inside me that everyone else can see. That everyone else can see right through me. As I sit here at my job on the computer staring at my coke and chips and wonder to myself will it ever get better. I have accomplished many things in my life. I was the first in my family to graduate both high school and college. I am an recovering alcoholic in AA and working the steps plus I have and continue to overcome my self mutiliation issues. Now why cant I stop eating?? Food is my enemy buts its also my friend, my family. It doesnt abuse me, leave me, or make fun of me. It accepts me for me.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD6429503
    I haven't gone through everything that you have, but I eat to fill a void, have depression, and SI.
    It's hard. I've fallen off the weight loss wagon so much I've stopped counting.

    Sometimes it's harder for some then for others. Junk foods are more filling and heavy, so they seem more solid inside, and they give comfort to me personally.
    You have to start looking at different ways to get a mind set to lose weight. First off, are you or have you ever thought of getting help for depression? A lot of people look down on conventional talk therapy but it really does wonders to talk to someone who has some kind of understanding of what you're feeling and can give a fresh neutral perspective on issues of life.
    Secondly, look at the way you feel. I know for me, it feels good to eat that crap food. After though, I feel worse then before. The euphoria only lasts for a short time. The food slowly starts to feel heavier and heavier in my body, and I can feel the effects (depression gets worse, body gets heavy, I feel sluggish). Though it feels good while I'm eating it, the after effects really aren't worth it.
    Then look at yourself. Are you happy? You've said you weren't. Do you think feeling bad about the weight gain and the way you see yourself helps? If you could feel good about yourself, feel confident in your own body... that it might help with other issues you may be having?

    Yes, the food is a friend. It doesn't talk back, it loves you for you, it gives your comfort when you need it the most. It is friendly.
    It also is a back stabbing friend. While it loves you for you, it feeds into your depression and low self-image. It gives you comfort while it makes you heavy and slow... still feeding your depression and making that larger.

    It's hard, but you have to look through all the good things it seems to do, all the different ways in which it comforts you, and see what the true intentions are. It is your best of friend.... but your worst of enemies. Would you really keep a person like that in your life? Of course not. Why make an exception for this?


    We are all here for you to give you support whenever you need it. Many people have hopped on and off the wagon multiple times, for varying amounts of time. We know how friendly food can seem. Some still see it as a friend while others have broken through and seen what this 'friend' really does if not controlled properly. We are all on different stages and can say either 'I'm there,' 'I've been there and this is what I did,' or 'I'm not there yet.'

    We are your support. We are your family instead of the food.

    emoticon Don't give up.
    3370 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.