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LAURIE5658
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Tough week ahead...asking for prayers

Friday, April 15, 2011

As a few of my Spark friends and close friends know, I have been struggling this week and I finally realize why, thanks to my wonderful husband who knows me better than anyone. This coming Thursday will be 3 years since my Mom's passing. I thought I was dealing with it pretty well. Evidently not. I noticed this past Christmas that I was not in a good place and feeling raw emotions missing Mom. I shrugged it off. With each passing month those raw nerves became more and more painful. Now with April 21 approaching I am hurting.

After talking it over with my husband I am going to seek grief counseling so I can learn how to deal with this. I am tired of trying to heal myself and obviously not getting the job done. There are just a few things that I need to talk through with someone who knows how to do this. I am ready to deal with it. I have a couple of very close friends that I want to thank for trying to get this message across to me. You know who you are. THANK YOU.

Other than this little pothole of life I am doing great! April 23 will be our grandson Hayden's 3rd birthday so we will partying til the cows come home next Saturday. This is Emily's (emilyrose1244) son FYI. Emily and I have a date at the starting line on Mother's Day for her first HM!! Then on May 5, we will be celebrating grandson Evan's 3rd birthday. As you can see if you do the math that April into May of 2008 was a little busy. We like to think that Mom met Hayden and Evan before we did!

So if I have seemed a little off this past week, this is why. May I ask for a few prayers this week? I would be so very appreciative and THANK YOU. There is alot to deal with but my faith in God helps me through. Just be patient with me and I will be back.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • GOLDFISHLIZ
    Laurie - I only just saw this blog. I am glad you are going for help - talking to someone who knows the score can really make a difference. Losing your Mum is like no other loss, and the situation can take a long time to get used to. You will always miss her - but the pain dulls as the years go on, and the thankfulness for all she gave to you takes over. I lost my beloved Mum 21 years ago now - but her birthday still brings a pang, and the anniversary of her death still hurts. But she would not have wanted me to break up over her death, just as I am sure your Mom would not want you to hurt so much.
    If I can help in any way, you know where I am. You have my love and prayers.

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    3637 days ago
  • SEEHOLZ
    I am late to this request, but it sounds to me that you got a little bit closer to finding more peace by making the decision to see the counselor- I hope you are really following through on that.
    Happy birthday to your grandkids- they grow like weeds, hahaha and you sure got tons of reason to stay fit to keep up with them, right?


    3640 days ago
  • TIGGER622
    Oh honey no wonder! I can't imagine how tough that must be. A grief counselor will be such a great help. Hope you get the healing you need, in the mean time - here is a giant HUG!!! emoticon
    3648 days ago
  • KKINNEA
    I think I'm having the same problem - the 2nd anniversary of my mOm's passing is next month and I've been cycling up and down for a month or 2 now. Thanks for posting this blog - I think I may also seek some grief counseling.
    3648 days ago
  • SLEEPYDEAN
    Will definitely be praying that you make it through this week okay. And that the professional you speak with can offer you the assistance you need.

    Sounds like a busy, memory-filled month ahead for you and the family.
    3648 days ago
  • IMSMILEY88
    I will say a prayer for you as you go through counseling and this hectic time in your life. May God heal you completely and let you look forward!
    3648 days ago
  • LIGHTNINGRUNNER
    emoticon wish you were close enough for an in person one. I love your attitude about your mom and your grandsons. What a beautiful thought.
    3648 days ago
  • DEEJ4FITNESS
    Awwww my PRECIOUS Friend!! In the midst of crazy busy I sometimes just have to drop everything & go lookin' for my buddies to check up on them cuz some people are just far too valuable to not stay in touch with!!

    Your timing is perfect for counseling because you're "ready" and that's so key!!!! You are going to be even more wonderful than you are already once you're able to release what you're holding in your heart and refill it with the beauty that surrounds you :)

    I love what Emily said about switching from grief to celebration & I fully believe you're taking the right steps on your journey to arrive at that place :) I'm going to celebrate Mother's Day with you as you cross that finish line with your "daughter-in-heart" :) and as you celebrate your Grandsons' birthdays, I'm believing God will share the joy with your Mom & it will be a time of healing for you and joy for ALL!!!

    I'm SOOOOO proud of you Laurie!! And here for you ALWAYS!!
    ~Deej
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    3648 days ago
  • JEM0622
    Lots of prayers and hugs emoticon
    3649 days ago
  • FUNFROG79
    Glad you are taking care of yourself! Hang in there! emoticon
    3649 days ago
  • EMILY1244
    I had this in the back of my mind, given how Christmas went for you this year. I always think about it when Hayden's birthday rolls around. I am glad that you have decided to go to grief conselling. Asking ffor help is never easy, but you will be given the tools you need to begin healing. I don't know that iit ever becomes easy, but it helps to be able to shift focus from grieving death to celebrating life. I know that Shirley would much rather you seek the help you need in order to move on than be stuck in grieving limbo. If you need me, let me know. emoticon
    3650 days ago
  • CHEPRBYTHEDOZN
    Laurie, I hope the counseling helps and I agree with Bobby...she's in a far better place waiting for you and all the loved ones to join her.
    Where's your mother's day 1/2? I'm doing one that day ,too(my 1st!!!!)I'll be virtually running with you and Emily that day.
    Take care-prayers going up for you to heal and for many more blessings in the years to come~
    3650 days ago
  • BOBBYD31
    laurie hope the counseling works for you. hugs and prayers your way. but understand there is no reason to grieve she has move on to a much better place and each year it should be a celebration of her life not her death.
    3650 days ago
  • CALIDREAMER76
    Sweetie,
    I understand - just had Mom's 2nd anniversary in Heaven. Still difficult to deal with, although I'm convinced she paid me a visit just before Christmas to give me a head's up about my daughter's engagement. Long story - but I'm sure they know what's going on and your mom did indeed meet Hayden and Evan. You will have the prayers ~ glad to hear you are going through the grief counseling, yet another way you need to take care of yourself - mental health is just as important as physical health! Be well.
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    3650 days ago
  • _BACK2BASICS_
    Please know that you are in my prayers and I am hoping you find the right person to help you get through your struggles now and in the future. Take care. emoticon emoticon
    3650 days ago
  • LYNNANN43
    I'm so glad that you're reaching out and getting help. That's never easy.

    I hope things get better for you, dear friend.

    My Garmie's birthday would have been earlier this week. (She raised me.) I felt "off" all week.

    emoticon emoticon
    3650 days ago
  • BILLALEX70
    Best Sparkbuddy I'm glad to hear some things have come to light for you.

    I'll pray that the counselling will give you back that "spark" in your life!
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    3650 days ago
  • ELISA322
    Oh I'm so sorry Laurie. I understand, losing a parent is so hard. Two days ago was the 6 year anniversary of my dad's death. I agree with the other commenters, although you will never ever miss your loved ones it does get easier with time.

    I think counseling is a wonderful idea. I feel so bad you are grieving. It's such a painful, painful emotion. Sending you lots of hugs and prayers.
    3651 days ago
  • TRILLIUM22
    emoticon Take care of yourself emoticon
    3651 days ago
  • NURSESARAH03
    You definitely are getting my prayers, dear. I go through the same thing from time to time dealing with the loss of my grandmother (she was more of a mother to me). *hugs* to you. If you need anything let me know emoticon
    3651 days ago
  • 2WHEELER
    emoticon , Laurie. My parents passed many years ago--both in December (my dad,on my birthday), though many years apart. I still have some difficulty getting through Nov. & Dec. There's a heaviness to everything. Easter can be difficult, too. Mom's favorite flower was the hyacinth, and as soon as I walk in a store filled with the scent, it can bring tears to my eyes. The first year it happened, I couldn't figure out why I suddenly was crying. It has gotten better as years go by and mostly I remember them with joy rather than sorrow.

    You're in my prayers.
    3651 days ago
  • MIAMIA7
    Laurie-lots of prayers for you. I know it is tough when you just can't seem to get through these things and I am sure you are doing the right thing by seeking some help. Hang in there. Hugs.
    Anne
    3651 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/16/2011 3:34:10 PM
  • CP_BELIEVE
    Laurie...I'm so sorry...sending hugs. I also wanted to suggest some guided imagery. Its for grief by belleruth naparstek .....itpretty much saved me when FIL passed in1999. I think its Healthjourneys.com - good stuff for your brain. Sounds like you'll have a fantastic mothers day! Hang in there!
    3651 days ago
  • IFDEEVARUNS2
    You got it! emoticon
    3651 days ago
  • CP_BELIEVE
    Laurie...I'm so sorry...sending hugs. I also wanted to suggest some guided imagery. Its for grief by belleruth naparstek .....itpretty much saved me when FIL passed in1999. I think its Healthjourneys.com - good stuff for your brain. Sounds like you'll have a fantastic mothers day! Hang in there!
    3651 days ago
  • DZDUKE54
    Laurie, counseling is a very wise choice, I think. Sometimes, even tho you probably know in your heart what you need to do to deal with things, it's necessary to have someone else give you permission to actually do those things. Don't know if that's the right way of saying it, but hope that makes sense.

    Several months after my second son was born (he had a cleft lip and palate and CP) and I thought I could never be truly happy again, I sought out a psychologist. It was fairly short term counseling, but extremely helpful. Nothing he told me was earth shattering, but it helped me to find a new perspective on how I was looking at things. (My Dave will be 24 on April 29) Sending many prayers and much love your way! Diane
    3651 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4363972
    Sending hugs and prayers your way!
    emoticon emoticon
    3651 days ago
  • UROPA40
    I wish I could tell you that it gets easier. It has been 14 years since my mother died and 28 years since my father died. I am not sure it is ever something that you get over. I still wish I could pick up the phone and dial the number to chat. I know I am fortunate to have 3 older brothers and it is a testament to my parents that they were such great parents that I miss them so much. Suzy
    3651 days ago
  • LIVE2RUN4LIFE
    Laurie, lots of thoughts and prayers are winging your way. I wish I could be there in person to give you a hug.
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    3651 days ago
  • RUN_DARLING
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    Lots of love and prayers your way!!!!
    3651 days ago
  • ROOT4HOME
    Laurie, my heart and prayers go out to you and your mom! What a tough moment in your life but what a blessing too to have two sweetheart grandsons to celebrate life with! emoticon
    3651 days ago
  • BRIDGIE1028
    Congratulations on being wise enough to realize that you can't deal with it by yourself and seeking grief counseling. My mammaw passed over 15 years ago and I still have a hard time around Christmas (cherished holiday) and July (when she passed). I've only this year thought maybe I should seek professional help. I hope and pray that your counselor can bring you some level of peace.

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    3651 days ago
  • LOAFYLAW
    My thoughts and prayers are with you. My Mom is getting older and going through severe health challenges while my MIL is battling stage 4 breast cancer. I can't imagine the pain I will feel when I lose them. I am so sorry for your loss.
    3651 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1286196
    You know how I feel about you & this decision. I love you, my friend.
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    3651 days ago
  • SARASHAPESUP
    Laurie, thinking of you, friend. emoticon I don't know what I would do if I lost one of my parents. They have always been so good to me and so close - as I get older I realize that more and more daily. When I was 9 years old, my grandfather, who I was very close to, was killed in a farm accident. Nearly 17 years later I still am very anxious during harvest season... very difficult when you're a farmer's daughter. It makes me worry about my dad a lot and the work that he does on the farm by himself. Three years in, I think that your feelings are normal, but I'm glad you are going to seek some grief counseling. You cherish the memory of your mom so much, and I think that grief counseling will help you express that in new ways. Have you read the book "Heaven is for Real"? It is amazing and really gave me peace about knowing where my grandfather is now, along with friends' babies who were miscarried... I have believed in Heaven all my life, but I see it a new way now, even more vividly.... what an amazing gift Christ has given to us. :) Love you dear friend. Hang in there.
    3651 days ago
  • ETTEZEUS
    Ah Laurie, we share something else in common. My dad died 3 years ago on April 21st. It's so tough. I can't imagine what my life will be like without my mom! I'm sending you some prayers!
    3651 days ago
  • TAMTAM64
    I will keep you in my prayers daily!

    Run Strong,
    Tammy
    3651 days ago
  • GRACEISENUF
    I love you and it is an honor to pray for you my dear spark friend.

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    3651 days ago
  • LAMBOFHISFLOCK
    (((Hugs))) and prayers. Lean into the God of Comfort. Rest in His arms. And let those around you provide comfort too. Seek out time for quiet reflection, but also time for laughter, and remember through this time to take care of yourself.
    3651 days ago

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