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Health Tips For The Misguided

Monday, April 18, 2011

I found the following page and thought you'd enjoy the laugh...


"Yawn. Things are getting a bit boring round here don’t you think?! Eat your greens blah, blah, blah… Don’t worry, I try not to take myself too seriously so here are a few unconventional health quotes for you to enjoy:-

1.Don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them.
- Homer Simpson

2.My doctor told me to do something that made me slightly out of breath, so I started smoking again.
- Jo Brand

3.Never eat anything at one sitting that you can’t lift.
- Miss Piggy

4.The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremendous boredom.”
- Dave Barry

5.I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
- Joe E. Lewis

6.Muscles come and go; flab lasts.
- Bill Vaughan

7.All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
- Alexander Wolcott

8.To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.
- Gustave Flaubert

9.Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
- Redd Foxx

10.I don’t like food that’s too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I’d buy a painting.
- Andy Rooney

11.If you ever have to support a flagging conversation, introduce the topic of eating.
- Leigh Hunt

12.Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.
- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

13.Canada has never been a melting pot; more like a tossed salad.
- Arnold Edinborough

14.Eating words has never given me indigestion.
- Winston Churchill

15.I do not like broccoli. And I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I’m President of the United States and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli.
- George Bush, US president, 1990

16.Seafood brought in by customers will not be entertained.
- Restaurant sign in Langkawi, Malaysia

17.Eat whatever thou likest, but dress as others do.
- Arab Proverb

18.The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
- Lucille Ball

19.Eat bread at pleasure, drink wine by measure.
- Randle Cotgrave

20.Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
- Jim Davis (Garfield the Cat)

21.The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.
- Mark Twain

22.Never invest in anything that eats or needs repairing.
- Billy Rose

23.An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
- Winston Churchill

24.Mattie’s Restaurant and Yogurt Palace, “An alternative to Good Eating”
- Restaurant Business Card from Decatur, Texas"

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