Tuesday, April 19, 2011
This week has been a ginormous struggle. I don't know why I am struggling so much with stress when I know that I've dealt with more in the past. I look back when I first started college and was a pregnant, single mom of a 3 year old! I was working part time at walmart and going to college full time! I am still very proud of what I was able to accomplish, yet I am finding so much more stress now even though I am not pregnant (thank GOD!) and I am not working. I am so tired of starting over and starting over and starting over with my weight loss. I was so afraid to get on the scale yesterday and when I did, I was mortified. I've gained everything back that I lost last year plus about 10 pounds. I look back and just want to cry. This time last year, I was so motivated and excited and full of energy! Now it feels like I just have nothing left! I don't even feel like I'm fighting against food, I'm fighting against myself! The fight in my mind between believing I can do it because I've done it before and just wanting to give up because it's just so damn hard! Where did my motivation go? How do I get it back? I sit here day after day wondering how I got where I am...how did I slip so far, so fast? It's terrifying. So here we go again. Pick myself back up, and try again.