Back, I think...
Monday, April 25, 2011
Well, it has been a long while since I've been on SP, even longer since I've blogged and even though I know better, I just couldn't do it.
I was in a mood, you know, "I don't want to do anything, I don't want to work at anything, I don't want to exercise"...I think it is called depression and it had me by the tail and was spinning me around pretty crazily.
But today I walked after 7 days of not walking and I ate a healthy salad at lunch and no bread with it, so all of that felt good (though my legs were not happy at the start of the walk!).
Lots has been going on. My daughter broke her arm last week on her scooter,or well, when she fell off her scooter. She know has a very pretty blue cast on her forearm and shows it off to anyone who will listen.
My son is feeling like she gets all the attention so he's been saying he isn't feeling good. I think he is fine so it makes me feel like a bad Mom to send him to school when he is complaining, but I just don't think it is real.
My grandmother is in a Skilled Nursing facility after falling and breaking her hip in 4 places. She is 91 and my mom is going crazy trying to take care of her, my grandfather (who is very confused about it all and wakes at night looking for Gran) and live anything close to her own life. And I feel really bad because we live about 600 miles away and I can't get there right now to help her, so I feel helpless and hopeless about all that is going on.
I went to a new Dr last week who says my psoriasis is looking like it will develop into psoriatic arthritis based on what my body is looking like right now. During the exam she had me do some balance exercises and my balance was so bad she prescribed a Disability tag for me to have so I can park in disabled parking and told me to get a walking stick. I guess I never really thought about it much. I've fallen quite a few times in the past few years, but I thought it was just dumb luck, not anything to do with my balance. So even that was sort of an ego blow. Then she said she'd like to put me on a new medication (new to me) for the psoriasis that is a form of chemotherapy used for breast cancer and can have some pretty extreme side effects. So that is worrying me a bit as well. I haven't started it yet, I had to get a flu shot and then wait two weeks because it will depress my immune system. I'm still deciding if I think the psoriasis is worth a medication that can do all of that.
So that is my last few weeks. LOTS going on as well as "dumb junk" at work that is causing me to be really stressed out. So in the midst of everything even work has felt chaotic. That is why I haven't been around. Just too much to even really think about, too hard to sit still and write about it all, too much to process. And in the midst of all of it, I've been rebelling against the part of me that knows if I take better care of myself, this all won't seem as hard.
So hopefully, here I am. Back at least for today. That's about all I can think about right now. One day at a time, one hour at a time if you know what I mean.
I hope you are all doing well and know that I have been thinking of you guys and sending good thoughts your way even when I haven't been online.
Hang in there, Peace, Mo