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Back, I think...

Monday, April 25, 2011

Well, it has been a long while since I've been on SP, even longer since I've blogged and even though I know better, I just couldn't do it.

I was in a mood, you know, "I don't want to do anything, I don't want to work at anything, I don't want to exercise"...I think it is called depression and it had me by the tail and was spinning me around pretty crazily.

But today I walked after 7 days of not walking and I ate a healthy salad at lunch and no bread with it, so all of that felt good (though my legs were not happy at the start of the walk!).

Lots has been going on. My daughter broke her arm last week on her scooter,or well, when she fell off her scooter. She know has a very pretty blue cast on her forearm and shows it off to anyone who will listen.

My son is feeling like she gets all the attention so he's been saying he isn't feeling good. I think he is fine so it makes me feel like a bad Mom to send him to school when he is complaining, but I just don't think it is real.

My grandmother is in a Skilled Nursing facility after falling and breaking her hip in 4 places. She is 91 and my mom is going crazy trying to take care of her, my grandfather (who is very confused about it all and wakes at night looking for Gran) and live anything close to her own life. And I feel really bad because we live about 600 miles away and I can't get there right now to help her, so I feel helpless and hopeless about all that is going on.

I went to a new Dr last week who says my psoriasis is looking like it will develop into psoriatic arthritis based on what my body is looking like right now. During the exam she had me do some balance exercises and my balance was so bad she prescribed a Disability tag for me to have so I can park in disabled parking and told me to get a walking stick. I guess I never really thought about it much. I've fallen quite a few times in the past few years, but I thought it was just dumb luck, not anything to do with my balance. So even that was sort of an ego blow. Then she said she'd like to put me on a new medication (new to me) for the psoriasis that is a form of chemotherapy used for breast cancer and can have some pretty extreme side effects. So that is worrying me a bit as well. I haven't started it yet, I had to get a flu shot and then wait two weeks because it will depress my immune system. I'm still deciding if I think the psoriasis is worth a medication that can do all of that.


So that is my last few weeks. LOTS going on as well as "dumb junk" at work that is causing me to be really stressed out. So in the midst of everything even work has felt chaotic. That is why I haven't been around. Just too much to even really think about, too hard to sit still and write about it all, too much to process. And in the midst of all of it, I've been rebelling against the part of me that knows if I take better care of myself, this all won't seem as hard.

So hopefully, here I am. Back at least for today. That's about all I can think about right now. One day at a time, one hour at a time if you know what I mean.

I hope you are all doing well and know that I have been thinking of you guys and sending good thoughts your way even when I haven't been online.

Hang in there, Peace, Mo
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • RAVEN2FEATHERS
    Mo,

    I'm sure happy you're back but absoloutely understand what you've said. Sometimes life happens and we get bogged down and then everything hits the fan. You are in my thoughts and hopes that you will be able to take it slowly and come back strong because I know you can do it Mo and we're here for you !

    Big emoticon
    3423 days ago
  • CANBDONE
    "This too shall pass..." I pray your life gets easier, my friend.
    3425 days ago
  • 2010_IS_MY_YEAR
    hey mo,

    glad to hear from you. it has been a while for me as well. i have been in a spiral myself, work is really dragging me down and i have not lost anything in nearly 3 months!! i am just going crazy, i think.

    been eating all my fruits and veggies, but most of my calories come after 5pm and i think that might be part of my problem. still hitting the gym 4+ times a week, although it does not feel as rewarding as it has in the past. must be the lack of results and stress i have daily right now.

    wow, i'm not sure if the side effects of that drug outweigh the benefits... you will certainly have to look into that thoroughly, i can understand the *depression* feeling with all that you have going on. rest assured, everything happens for a reason and most of the things we fear never end up happening (for what its worth.)

    congrats on taking that walk, that is a good step to take. start slow and work your way back in some fashion. even in my state of mind, i know i will never gain back the weight i have lost so far, i just will not allow it to happen, that is certain.

    take care, i will check in on you again.

    {{{hugs}}}

    kat
    3428 days ago
  • CYNIEPOOH
    I'm glad your back! My life has been crazy too and I feel for you. I have also been semi absent and I'm determined to get back on the wagon.

    My prayers are with you. Starting new medications can sometimes be a difficult decision.



    emoticon
    3429 days ago
  • KAELIE
    Have missed you Mo! Sending prayers and thoughts your way. It's so hard to make yourself a priority when everything is so hectic, but those little choices you made (to walk, to have a healthy salad) do have a positive effect. I've been bumbling through this year and have gained weight (well, most of it last holiday season - about 12 pounds) and just can't seem to find my mojo. The good news is that I still have many of the healthier eating habits (packing lunch and snacks for work and drinking lots of water and no soda), the bad news is a severe lack of exercise. I'm going for a nice long walk today (I know it will make me feel better) and hoping to set up a meal plan for next week (I do great during the days, but dinner and evenings have been a struggle for me). I've had some health issues this year as well, and it is *so* frustrating when your body misbehaves (lol). Hang in there and know you've got someone rooting for you out here :)

    *hugs*
    3432 days ago
  • CINDYKC2000
    Mo, have missed hearing from you. I can totally relate to the depression and feelings of being overwhelmed. Just know you are not alone.

    I hope your mom is able to take some time for herself amid the chaos in her life and that your grandmother is doing better. emoticon
    3437 days ago
  • NOCALORIES
    Thank you for blogging and sharing yourself. You have been missed. You are a lady I admire. I really am sorry for you to have these many challenges to contend with. Please know you are special and anything that you do to make yourself better is seen as good.
    3437 days ago
  • no profile photo BONDMANUS2002
    Welcome back!!
    3437 days ago
  • FLUTTER-BY)L(
    Gosh I had nothing much going on and I felt overwhelmed a bit a few weeks ago. I wallowed in it for a bit and then decided to figure out what I could do. I hope you find what gives you peace. Your best self can handle everything better. Hugs.
    3437 days ago
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