Battling out of the Pit
Saturday, April 30, 2011
I have been going through so many changes and challenges in the last year. I have regressed into old habits that have gotten me the same results as always. I've always been shy and introverted and have always had a hard time seeing my true potential, abilities, or intelligence. The last few blog posts that I have written have been quite negative and depressing, but I think I am finally climbing my way out of the pit of despair that I have found myself in. I think that the college classes that I have chosen this semester and last semester have really helped me to see a different perspective. I know how important it is to have a support system, but it's one thing to know it and a whole different thing to put it into action and maintain. I am in the process of cleaning out my house of all of the things that I don't use or need. The last two days have been very therapeutic and quite cleansing. Perhaps it is a new beginning...out with the old, in with the new...a fresh start. I hope that I can find people that can truly be supportive of me. I am tired of people that are pretenders, users, gossips, Negative Nancys, Whining Wendys, and all of the other types that are counterproductive to pretty much anything positive. It's time that I brought myself from the back burner and find a little TLC for me. I deserve it. Yes, I said it, out loud, I DESERVE IT. My own worst enemy is myself. I have told myself for so long that I'm not good enough, no one gives a damn, I'm not smart enough, athletic enough, I don't have enough willpower, strength, endurance...blah, blah, blah, BLAH! It's time that I see me for the wonderful, smart, beautiful, loving, capable woman that I am. No more putting myself down, no matter if I gain a pound, fall off the wagon, have a bad day, or even a bad week. I will be my own support, my own cheerleader, my own best friend. I've battled my weight since I was in elementary school and I've tried every diet, exercise program, book, pill, shake, and as far as I can tell, the only thing missing was a support system...people that truly wanted to help me reach my goals and help me along the way. I've always been independent and proud of it, but there is only so much of life that can be navigated successfully as an individual. We are not meant to be alone. "No man is an island". I think this may be the hardest fought lesson that I've learned in all of my life. For so long, I've wanted to prove to myself and everyone else, that I can do it on my own. But that's not what life is about. It's not about the destination....it's the JOURNEY. Finally, they're not just words...they mean something! For the first time in a long time, I truly believe that I CAN do it.