Can I have support here Please?
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
Why is it sometimes family is not the most supportive people? They love you. They want you around forever. When they see you working so hard toward a goal, they still sabotage you.
I am a grown woman who is in control of every morsel of food that I inhale in my body. So the following story is just me venting about how much temptation until something snapped inside of me.
I started tracking all of my food 2 weeks ago. I know that when I track I stay within my calorie range or close to it. Sometimes a little low or high, but averaging in my range. In the past two weeks I have had two huge cheese cakes in my fridge and an apple pie on my counter. 9 days it sat in my fridge or on my counter. Apple pie hit the rubbish. Cheese cakes sent to my husbands high school students. The 380 calorie a slice looked better on their hips than mine.
2 batches of chocolate brownies have been made in this house. I have eaten none of them. not even a mouse size crumb. My daughter brought home Reese eggs. They have been on the coffee table for 8 days. I picked one up read 170 calories and threw them in the freezer. You know, you pull the finger out of the dike wall and .... The easter basket was brought out and the thought that there might be one black jelly bean in it drove me to the table. I had opened plastic eggs looking for them. I ate 4 small jelly beans. I could not find black. Oh, one little tiny reese peanut butter cup. What are these? little foil wrapped cadbury shaped eggs with crunch in them. Thin like a chocolate coin. I ate 2. I picked up the basket and sat on the couch and ate my little snack. Then.... a wave of guilt followed. Gosh darn it. This stuff has been in the house for weeks and I have not been tempted at all. My goodness. I took the nasty basket and put it in my daughters room. The moment of pleasure was replaced by an hour of guilt. A 307 calorie binge that left me not feeling satisfied. I would have preferred the fresh strawberries in my fridge or a crunchy apple with a cup of mango green tea.
My husband has been fantastic. He knows I want to do this tri and he is very supportive.
My daughters, not so supportive. Thank God for Spark friends that get it.
I am really proud of myself for putting that basket away before it was a real disaster. That little bit of candy added up to a lot of empty calories. I do not mind treating myself once in a while, but on my terms, not the result of a binge. I like planning a treat and savoring it. Can you stop once you pull your finger out of the dam or do you just keep eating and then say, "tomorrow is another day?"