Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Great snow storm is here. I already shoveled 40 minutes and was proud to track the minutes. I never thought that apart from the fact that I have always enjoyed playing in freshly fallen snow (until I get cold that is), I would derive so much pleasure from simply going out there and moving about. We have a state of emergency. The National Guard has been called out to help with the snow removal and all the emergency things that go along with it.
I am waiting for the power to go out, so I have been baking and going on in the kitchen to prepare. I love to feel so last century.
I found an old diary from 2004 yesterday, while cleaning out closets. I could not believe how negative I felt when I wrote some passages (diaries have always been my last resort when I felt horrible, which happens only rarely, but I don't like to just lay around waiting for it to pass, I try to get everything out and on paper. Seems healthier to me and I recover more speedily). The entry that most hit home was about my weight. I felt out of control, fat and like a huge slob without self worth. Now I know that I am a very happy person, but that surprised me a bit to read my inner feelings at the time. I also mentioned that I walk around with negative feelings about my household all the time, never being able to stick with one thing to clean up, hence there is mess all over. I found that interesting, because I feel so much more in control now. Is it possible that people over 30 really are able to learn to manage themselves? It was a huge relief to realize that I know and use all the tools there are to get fit, get my finances, household and even the dog training on track.
I am seriously considering checking out a new church, where the ladies from my book club are going. They are such a fun, warmhearted bunch of people, and although I really don't know what I want, how can it be harmful to see what they are doing in church? Julia was pretty much for joining me, so I would not go alone. My mother is in uproar, because she has been trying to get me to go back to church, and we are Catholics, but there are just a lot of people at the little Catholic church that I don't care for.
We'll see. I think I am ready to get back into some form of church routine.