Dr. Phil and Contracts
Monday, June 06, 2011
I don't watch much daytime TV (and Dr. Phil counts as daytime to me because I am not home from work by 5:00 p.m. by the time his show starts here in MI) but I had surgery and was home for a few days and I ended up flipping through channels and one episode caught my eye. I watched it, thought it was pretty good, so decided to watch a few more. Long story short, I ended up setting the DVR to catch his show.
Over the weekend, I watched a taped episode about a young girl who was a boxer. She said she felt so much pressure from her Dad, that she gave it up and hasn't been in the ring in 2 years. I think she is 19 now, but was at one time, rated #1 in the world. When Dr. Phil talked to the family, it was pretty evident that the Dad wasn't the problem. The girl missed boxing, wanted to get back into it, but didn't want her Dad pushing her. Dad said he felt like maybe he WAS pushing her too hard, so he backed off. What happened when he backed off? Well, the girl quit working out, lost a lot of her conditioning and endurance, and then quit boxing. So she wants her Dad to coach her again, to push her into doing the boring part (running, lifting etc.) but she doesn't want him to push her...
I didn't really "get it" but it was simple. Dr. Phil told her she needed to be accountable. Accountable to herself, not to her Dad. Told her to make a contract with herself. Figure out what her goals are, then figure out what she needs to do to reach those goals. SHE needs to do this, not her Dad, although he can offer input. Then write a contract which outlines everything which needs to be done on a daily basis. Write a contract with herself. She should share it with her Dad so that he can help support her (or even enforce if they negotiate that) tactics to achieve her goals- but bottom line, it's her contract to fulfill, not her Dad's. She can renegotiate the contract every 30 days if that is appropriate, but she needs to write a contract...with herself. She needs to be accountable...to herself.
I like that. Lay it out there....WHAT do I want to accomplish? Maybe even WHY but not sure that's essential to the contract itself - but then again, maybe it is, "stated purpose" and all that. WHAT do I need to do? WHEN do I need to do it? HOW am I going to do it? What are the penalties for non-compliance? I really do like this idea.
So tonight, I'm going to write MY contract.