Another venting sesh...
Friday, June 10, 2011
Ughh so this is more for my personal venting if nothing else. I feel like Ive got no one to talk to or actually its the fact I dont like to discuss negative things in my life with those around me.
I've been so upset with myself the last couple of weeks. I think Ive been making excuses to not stay on track like im working two jobs so that hardly leaves me any time...Wellllll thats a huge cop out and I know it. I have all week where I work 8 to 4 and that allows plenty of time.
I'm blaming it on factors that are so not related. I hate my second job, but I need it to make ends meet because I cant afford living on my own by myself. Im stuck in a lease until September so I feel like im just going to have to deal until then. I live right on the beach too so theres really no excuse to not get out and exercise. I find lately Ive been letting everything go..My home life, and my healthy habits. I just dont care? but at the same time I do. I asked myself today if I was really motivated to do this...if I still had the mindset. I gave myself a half assed yes?
I know I wont succeed if I dont have the right mind frame, but I also know I do want this.
I just need to get out of my own way. I blame other things, and other people but really I need to realize its myself preventing my successes. I hate my job, so Im going to find one I like. My best friend is spending the summer in Pennsylvania so I'll need to find other people to mingle with or learn to have fun on my own. I HATE being over weight and squishy, and Need to start sticking to what I track. Thats the only way it works. Why dont I care enough about myself to realize that. It used to be that sticking to my nutrition was the easy part...Now I plunge through my fitness (who woulda thought) and struggle with sticking to my nutrition goals. Its hard now because I have a budget of roughly $20 a week to spend on groceries. I try and get as much good things as I can but its hard.
I need to set some goals to work for and get myself back on track. Its not up to anyone else....just me. Everyone on here is huuuuge inspiration! and I do well while im at work and can get on the site...at home I have the spark but that only does sooo much. I have no internet where I live so it makes things difficult. Im going to start out with small changes again and build from there instead of trying to conquer the world all at once. ..I am only human afterall, regaurdless of what I might think ;)