This week's Motivational Monday Challenge was to take a look inside and answer a few questions. I need to reflect on the "Y" in trY!
I could list so many reasons why I think this journey is important, or why I want to reach my goals, or what makes me want to try to succeed everyday. But the main reason I want to make this happen is because I feel like I am being less than I should be when I don't! I am not the ME I want to be!
It is important to me to take care of everyone and everything- the kids, my parents, the dog, the house, the committees I serve on.....it is most important, though, that I take care of myself before I can take care of all these other things. I need to remember to put my oxygen mask on first and then help the others...but that isn't easy for me!
I have a wonderful but crazy life, that I often end up explaining to people. I have 4 children- 15.5, 13, 7 and almost 4. They are all my children, with one husband! There was no reason for the way they are spaced out- each one came at the time God graced me with their care! But when people meet me, I can see that they are trying to decide what they think about me. Am I old with young kids, young with old kids? Am I someone they can befriend, or do I not fit in their crowd? I went from being with women my age with my older boys, to being with women who are so much younger, and who often don't find me worth their time. It sounds silly, even as I write it, but I hate that! I want to fit in!! I want to have the energy, vitality and positivity that makes everyone want to know me, or at least to see that I matter. And, I'd love the surprise of "YOU have older children? You look and act so young!" Ok...so I may be dreaming here, but I don't want to be the old lady in the crowd!
I want to stop feeling insecure about myself. This weight makes me feel badly far beyond what I see in the mirror- I really question my motivation and ability to do so many things because I can't seem to do this one, really crucial thing- getting my health back!
I also have a disease- Hypothyroid (Hashimoto) I have no real good feeling what that means...except that it makes my life harder and makes me feel less than myself. I want to be on this journey to understand and deal with this life condition. I see my Mom and her failing health- and it is so important to me that I take control of my situation and really understand it and own it. I don't want my life to get harder and harder and feel powerless over it.
What will I feel and desire when I find success on my journey?
I will love looking in the mirror and seeing a more pleasant reflection! I will be smiling!
I will love feeling confident in any outfit I choose!
I will love showing up at preschool or a high school football game and knowing my kids don't have to feel embarrassed....at least not by how I look!
I will love feeling powerful!
I will love not having friends feel sorry for me...because I am way too busy, with so many kids- they all appease me and tell me I don't look bad, given all that! UGH!
I will love having positive things flow out of my mouth...rather than having to remind myself not to be so negative, even if it's how I feel!
I will love knowing I don't have to be embarrassed when my husband sees me naked. My body is not perfect- it had done some really amazing things over our 20 year marriage- and I want to be proud of it rather than feeling like I look like some strange, chubby old woman!
I will love feeling like every day is a Spring day in my heart!
I will love being able to get out and exercise and being able to keep up...or at least not look pathetic and in need of paramedics!
I will love knowing that I am ready for life...not fearing my days will run out before I ever got myself ready and present!
I am so ready to move on...I hate being stuck in this place!
This journey is so important for so many reasons...and all of them mean enough to me to get through any short term desires or cravings! I won't keep letting a temporary feeling get in the way of a really permanent need I have to get my life back in the shape I want it!
It was never easy for me to give up my career and stay home- but I chose that path and am happy I did. I used to define myself as the best Mom on earth- and that was easy to do when my children were little and all of my good friends were doing the same thing. Now, however, I am not surrounded by friends my age with little people! Daily, people will tell me "OH! I am so glad I am not YOU!" or "Wow! I can't imagine being You!" Well, I let that get in my head for too long now! There is nothing wrong with me or my life! And you know what...I think I'm lucky! I think I can still be whatever and whoever I want...and still be a Mom to 4 great kids, and a wife of 20 years...and a woman who is starting the climb to her 50th birthday! WHen I am 50, I'll have a 21 year old all the way down to a 9 year old...and I'll be fabulous! I am on my way!
And all of this is the reason I just will not stop trying- no matter how long or how hard the journey!!!