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Thank you SP I believe you saved my life.

Monday, July 04, 2011

I don’t know what is happening to me. I was doing so well and now I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. I went on a retreat, good thing, met lots of new people had a wonderful time, felt like I was on top of the world and then when I got back to reality the truth just hit me in the face. I’m alone, have a job I detest, yet at my age, I feel like my hands are tied and I can’t do anything about stopping this feeling of despair. I have been eating like crazy. I have been putting things in my mouth that I didn’t even like but it was there and it made that empty feeling inside me go away for even just a little while. I have been putting things in my mouth while telling myself that I shouldn’t do it and that it was bad for me and for my health and I didn’t even care! I stayed away from SP because it made me feel guilty of my behavior, but every once in a while I would take a peek and I would find that someone had sent me a spark goodie and it would brighten my day and I’d be o.k. for a while. I guess it is time for me to end this one person pity party and get back to living. I want to thank all my SP friends and you know who you are for keeping the spark alive. If not for SP I don’t know how far I would have let things go on. I’m not going to make any promises I can’t keep, or set goals that will bring me down again if I fail, but I do want to at least log in to SP every day and I’ll try that 10 minutes a day again. Tomorrow I have a job interview. Same position, just different school. Now I’m all confused whether I should just hang in there 2 more years with a job I detest, or start all over? I’ve been doing a lot of praying, but somehow, I don’t seem to be hearing what God is trying to tell me. All I can do for now is ask all you believers to join me in my prayers, not just for me, that would be selfish, but for all those confused people out there that are feeling the despair that I’m feeling right now. I do believe in the power of prayer. Thanks again my SP friends, without you I would never have had the nerve to write this down.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DANCINCAJUN1
    Hey you are here and we are glad !! We need YOU just as much !

    Start all over ??? nope you just gain more knowledge !! (my opinion)

    Roc
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    3199 days ago
  • WILD4STARS
    That was yesterday. This is today and tomorrow is another day. You can do it!
    emoticon
    3199 days ago
  • JILL313
    I am so sorry you have been going through a bad time. . .I know 2 years seems like forever in a job you hate. If you changed jobs would you have to work longer before you can retire?? There always are drawbacks as well as rewards in starting a new job. You've done the right thing to put it in God's hands. . .sometimes prayers aren't answered right away so sit down a make a list of a new job positives and negatives and see what you think. I'm praying for you and hope you will feel more on top of things and make the right decision. Life isn't easy and these feelings you have make it hard to focus on living a Healthy Lifestly. It sounds like you're dealing with depression and if it doesn't get better soon I'd seek some help. God Bless You.

    Hugs,

    Jill
    3199 days ago
  • YICHE12
    At times we all have to do things that we don't like doing. Hang in there honey. Try seeing the positive always. When you meet up a negative, try seeing the positive side to it. Just two more years... Truly, it isn't that long.

    My hugs and prayers are with you. Lise
    3199 days ago
  • VINGRAM
    We have all been there.......I, too, have been pretty much out of control since bringing the grandgirls home with me. Keep on sparking - something or someone will say or write something you can identify with. You just wrote something that I can definitely identify with!

    Hugs.........and hang in there...........vista emoticon
    3199 days ago
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