Thank you SP I believe you saved my life.
Monday, July 04, 2011
I don’t know what is happening to me. I was doing so well and now I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. I went on a retreat, good thing, met lots of new people had a wonderful time, felt like I was on top of the world and then when I got back to reality the truth just hit me in the face. I’m alone, have a job I detest, yet at my age, I feel like my hands are tied and I can’t do anything about stopping this feeling of despair. I have been eating like crazy. I have been putting things in my mouth that I didn’t even like but it was there and it made that empty feeling inside me go away for even just a little while. I have been putting things in my mouth while telling myself that I shouldn’t do it and that it was bad for me and for my health and I didn’t even care! I stayed away from SP because it made me feel guilty of my behavior, but every once in a while I would take a peek and I would find that someone had sent me a spark goodie and it would brighten my day and I’d be o.k. for a while. I guess it is time for me to end this one person pity party and get back to living. I want to thank all my SP friends and you know who you are for keeping the spark alive. If not for SP I don’t know how far I would have let things go on. I’m not going to make any promises I can’t keep, or set goals that will bring me down again if I fail, but I do want to at least log in to SP every day and I’ll try that 10 minutes a day again. Tomorrow I have a job interview. Same position, just different school. Now I’m all confused whether I should just hang in there 2 more years with a job I detest, or start all over? I’ve been doing a lot of praying, but somehow, I don’t seem to be hearing what God is trying to tell me. All I can do for now is ask all you believers to join me in my prayers, not just for me, that would be selfish, but for all those confused people out there that are feeling the despair that I’m feeling right now. I do believe in the power of prayer. Thanks again my SP friends, without you I would never have had the nerve to write this down.