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Dear Potato Chips: You totally wasted my time.

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Dear Potato Chips,

We've been friends since I was a kid. Remember all the great times we had after school and on the weekends and in the car on the way home from shopping? You even got along well with my younger brother when he was around. Since I've gotten older, we have mostly spent time together watching movies or surfing around online. You've even been on road trips with me. Good times.

I learned some bad things about you several years ago that I chose to ignore because we've been friends for so long. I mean, 150 calories and 10 grams of fat for a little bit of your time? Really? One ounce? That's not even enough to make me full. You keep telling people you're "all natural" because of your potato heritage, but whatever. A potato has only 26 calories and 0 grams of fat per ounce. I know you've had some work done in the factory. I don't like dishonesty, Chips.

You gave me a call, and we met for lunch today after over a month of no contact. Sure, I've seen you in passing at the grocery store or dining with other people, but we haven't been BFF's for a while. During lunch, I remembered why. You use up a good portion of my calorie budget, and you don't ever taste as good as I think you will. I've been spending my calories more wisely and reducing my waistline. You don't seem to respect that at all. If you did, you would provide more vitamins and minerals and add some substance to my meals and snacks. Broccoli and cabbage had lunch with me yesterday, and their calories combined were less than yours.

Potato Chips, I see now that I have much better food friends to choose from. Nutrition Facts has been telling me for years to get rid of you. I might see you again once in a while in the future at sporting events or barbecues, but I don't have any plans to hang out with you or have you share my lunch or snack times. You've wasted a lot of my time, energy, and self-esteem over the years. I can do better than you, and I AM doing better than you.

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