When you feel broken, find your strength in picking up the pieces.
Friday, July 08, 2011
I felt pretty broken on Wednesday. I went to gi class and just had such a miserable time rolling and doing the drills. I was working with my husband and was told to pass his guard from standing position. My mind literally went blank and I couldn't do it, even though I've been learning guard passes since I came back to training. Basically I tried a few times and couldn't do it and started crying. I hate days that I cry in class. I've done it about 3 times since I've been back. I blame it on leftover pregnancy hormones since before that I didn't cry so often. I felt so crappy I thought about quitting.
Then I remembered that my mom wants to fly us out to Hawai'i this December to celebrate Sunny's first birthday back home. I do NOT want to go home looking and feeling like a weak slob. I want to go home and be the strong Mama Jits that I know in my heart of hearts is still here, locked inside me somewhere. So I sucked it up, wiped away the tears, and kept rolling. I still felt crappy but I wasn't going to let an emotion stop me.
Thursday I went to no gi class. I did better, even though I got my nose smacked and it stung and made my eyes tear up. Then another guy I was rolling with decided he had to be Mr. Muscle when he rolled with me and was going WAY too hard but I didn't say anything, just kept trying to work a submission. t Afterwards hat guy told me if I were any stronger he wouldn't have been able to defend as well as he was.
I guess my point is that I understand we sometimes hit a wall and want to quit. But when you are lying in a heap in the dirt at the bottom of a hill, the only real way to keep going is to pick yourself up and climb that damned hill.