Total tangent...Reflection on my life. (long, rambling post)
Monday, July 18, 2011
**Disclaimer, I am rambling and you may not want to spend time reading this incredibly long, self indulging, post. =)
Today really has been a weird day for me. I have been busy, things have been crazy, but I have also really had time in reflecting. I feel like I just need to get stuff out there, not for anyone to comment on, but just because I feel like talking about it.
I went home to Memphis to visit a little over a week ago, and I really had a blast. So many people asked me over and over, "Do you miss high school and those days?" My normal comment is, "No, not really, I just miss the lack of responsibility I had those days." But I laid in bed last night not able to sleep and some reason all this crossed my mind. I was not happy in high school at all. I had some wonderful friends, but to be honest, they weren't great friends to me until after I graduated and moved 500 miles away. I love my three best girls ever with all my heart now, but in high school...I'm not so sure we would have had each other's back. But to keep going, we are great great friends now. I love them and would do anything for them now.
Another thing looking back at high school, I HATED high school. I really couldn't care to ever get those years back again. I was so insecure, I hated the guys that would always make fun of me. I wasn't ugly, I wasn't fat, and I wasn't a nerd, but I was sure treated like the biggest outcast in the world. I swear I was made fun of every day. I never went to school feeling like it would be a good day...and you want to know why? Bc I stood up for my beliefs, didn't cuss, didn't party with all of the "popular kids", wasn't a cheerleader for the school's team, and I lived my life outside of my school. To be honest (maybe I'm being conceited, but who really knows...), I think some of those guys that teased me really liked me and all that I stood for, but didn't want to admit it to their "popular" friends. I had friends in EVERY click at school, but I always dreaded going, and loved leaving.
I loved that I moved 500 miles away from my home town(all of that except leaving my parents, bro, and sis). I loved being able to start a new life and creating whoever I wanted to be...and the best thing, I didn't have ANYONE to make fun of me. There was no set standard at my college...we were all different people in a melting pot of a university...all there for the same purpose.
I loved that. I am a stronger person now. It really amazes me how far I have come since high school. I go home and the people that totally made fun of me want my number now. They want to "catch up" and hang out. I hung out with my friend Shannon and people would text her and ask her if I was still hanging and if they could meet up...that is the new me.
My confident self has come out. No, I really haven't lost weight (to be honest, I'm heavier now than I was in high school by 20 lbs), and no I really haven't changed my look...all I did was trust in myself. I love myself, I love what I stand for and I don't question anything. I really think people find that attractive.
I just can't get over how far I have come since my high school days (7 years ago). People talk about wishing to go back and what not, but I love who I am now, I love what God has blessed me with, and I am married to a man that treasures everything about me. I think thinking about this really has given me a better appreciation for who I am today and where I have come from.
For those of you that bared with me and read this, thank you. You really didn't have to. I just felt like it was something I wanted to blog about.