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Because I Know You'll Understand

Monday, July 25, 2011

Today is my last day in the U.S., visiting my parents. It was much less stressful this time because I came with my husband. But there was one MAJOR stressor. I like to do clothes shopping here because it's more convenient and cheaper than back where I live. But so many clothes made me look fat. It was really depressing. I cried in the changing room.

In my head I'm still back 5 years ago when practically anything looked good on me.

What was the worst was 2 days ago when my mom asked me if I was pregnant. I've had a few people make comments recently indicating that I'm pregnant or congratulating me. Um... I'm not pregnant (well, at least as far as I know) So, they are rude, but I feel really self-conscious.

I'm at the very upper level of a healthy BMI for my height and I've been trying to lose a few pounds since I've been on SparkPeople (That's March 2010). Grrr.

When I joined I was struggling a LOT with compulsive overeating. Today I hardly do it at all. I haven't had a major binge in weeks. Maybe I just totally destroyed my metabolism during my past of anorexia and later binge eating. I was never as severe as a lot of other cases that I've seen however.

I've also done a lot of work on letting go and accepting myself the way I am. But it's pretty rough to look pregnant when you are not. My husband says that because I'm active, the fat doesn't collect on my legs. Instead I sort of get a gut like a man. Yay.

Well, I was sidelined for a few weeks with sciatica and now I'm getting back into shape. I'm doing ab and back exercises that the physiotherapist showed me, and I hope that the heat won't prevent me from staying active.

I really need the support from everyone here. I don't want to give up, and I want to enjoy clothes shopping again and feeling great!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I know what you mean! I gain weight in my stomach first and I hate that! I too have dealt with an eating disorder, not as severe but it was and still hard for me to see the scale go up and I have a harder time losing weight now. I know you will be able to stick to it and lose the weight! emoticon emoticon
    3362 days ago
    Thanks for your kind and supportive words, MIMO! Getting clothes altered is a good idea. I try not to spend too much on clothes - that's something that I'm working on too, allowing myself to spend money on myself on nice clothes, etc. I don't need tons of clothes, so I'm fine with having fewer clothes but that actually look right on me! I need to find some friends with fashion sense who are willing to help pick things out for me! :)
    Anyways, I've been eating avocados while they're in season and walnuts when I remember. Low-carb diets give me digestive problems.

    Cheers! emoticon
    3383 days ago
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    WOW! You've made it back from severe eating disorder!!!!! Congratulations! Do you know how proud you should be of yourself? Probably not, but you are a little miracle, girl. Developing a healthy relationship with food is far more important than a flat tummy.

    In terms of clothing...remember that clothes on the rack is cut for some sort of idealized woman who does not exist. 80% of women do NOT fit in the clothes properly. We're either bigger on top/ smaller on bottom, or vice versa. Years ago clothes were sewn by tailors. We paid more, owned less, but the pieces were built for us, and so looked better on us. Fashion mavens advise finding pieces you like and having them altered, because we aren't cookie cutter.

    If the belly is an issue, consider adding some MUFA (monounsaturated fatty acid) to each meal. Sunflower seeds, avocado, walnuts, are all rich sources. In small quantity, with a low carb diet, they really target belly-fat.

    Don't listen to the evil inner voice that tears you down. You've made great strides forward and you should look to the happy elf on your other shoulder that celebrates your achievements. You Are Strong!
    3383 days ago
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