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How do YOU handle overweight friends?

Thursday, July 28, 2011

This is going to be everywhere, so enjoy the ride! I got some ADD thoughts today.

I was able to get an insurance-like plan for folks with pre-existing conditions. I have a consultation with a surgeon on August 5th. I hope to walk away from that appointment with a date for surgery. I want this stupid gallbladder out!!! I want to eat without any kind of pain. It would be great.

I was lucky enough to be in minimal pain from food and eating this last weekend at ComicCon. I had a blast. It was amazing! I loved it. I met Matt Groening and David X. Cohen. I met the guys from Ghost Adventures. I got to see Robert Kirkman. I slept 6 hours out of 48. That was not very fun. But, what a weekend! I dunno how I could top it if I go next year.

The real reason that motivated me to write this blog has to do with a problem I'm sure we've all faced at one time or another. I'll start by saying I've read numerous articles that say having overweight friends will also keep you overweight. In my case, I'd say this has some truth to it. Right now my biggest weakness is eating out. I love to cook and am very good at it. But, I get lazy quite easily when it comes to that... I hate turning on the oven or stove because it'll heat up the house. I rarely make easy dishes- I love to create elaborate, full meals (with leftovers for meals later in the week) which require a lot of time and cleanup. My diet is rather limited at this time due to my gallbladder and its unpredictability. I'm also a big foodie, so I like to eat out and try new things. Its easy and often times I'd rather pay for the convenience of someone else cooking food for me. Like I said: WEAKNESS. I can easily decline an invitation to the movies or for a drink at a bar. I give in so easily to an invite to eat out somewhere, even if I've given myself every excuse there is: I really can't afford it, I have something in the fridge about to go bad that I need to cook, I will make better food choices eating at home, etc.

One of my best friends loves to eat out. She has uncontrolled PCOS, does not watch her diet at all, does not exercise at all, and has very little interest in doing anything about any of it. I'd estimate her weight to be about 250+... a good deal heavier than I am. We are always dining out together. She's the one person I dine out with most out of everyone. And she keeps feeding into that weakness. She's always finding new restaurants for us to try, usually with pricey, outrageous portions of food. I have a tough time making the "healthier" choice at restaurants, especially if I'm ordering a salad and she's ordering a bacon burger, ya know? That does make me feel deprived! And the healthier choices at restaurants are always pricier than the junk. She knows I'm on a quest to better health. I'm studying nutrition, for goodness sake! She knew about my 28-day exercise streak. But, still she does this.

I will admit I have not said anything about it before. How does one broach the subject? Do I tell her she's contributing to keeping me fat? Or do I try a gentler approach and tell her that I'd rather do something else than eat? She doesn't like to do the same things I do. I love to hike and kayak and be active and outdoors. That's not her cup of tea. Also, she's the one with the car, so she drives us where ever we go (to eat). What should I do? Has anyone else ever encountered this problem, and if so, how did you handle it?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    JS- I'm going to do exactly that. I love to cook as it is (except I lose motivation if I'm just cooking for myself), so that would work perfectly- for the both of us.
    3484 days ago
    3485 days ago
    Thanks, Jocelyn. I definitely don't want to stop being her friend, but I do need to talk to her about how eating out affects my health. I am inclined to make poorer decisions ordering at a restaurant than I am planning and cooking meals at home. I think until I can learn to control it, staying out of restaurants and eliminating the temptation is going to help a lot. :-)
    3485 days ago
    Sounds like your friend is just being the person she always was. She's in a different stage in her life/health. If what you share is eating out, you could try to do other things with her, or limit your time with her. She's not contributing to keeping you fat. Your decisions are your own, so you couldn't confront her with that accusation.

    I think that the articles saying "overweight friends make/keep you fat" are merely pointing out exactly what you have discovered- Those friends often don't engage in physical activity and eat unrestricted, which are things that contribute to being overweight.

    My fitness buddies have been friends I made on Spark, not my existing ones. I even have a couple of existing friends that go to the gym, but their schedule never matches mine, and they complain the whole time they're there, or want to go out drinking, or eat a big meal. (They aren't overweight, but their mindset is definitely not the Spark "Healthy Living" way, they're about binge and deprivation.)

    I hope that no one decides to not be my friend simply because I'm obese. Now that I've lost 130 pounds, I weigh 250. From the outside, I look like any other 250'er, probably. And people seem to have enough reasons to shun me, or treat me poorly, without adding this fat phobia to it, like it's catching. I hate the way that news and genuine scientific research is sensationalized in order to make a compelling headline - to compete with ADD-friendly advertising and other ridiculousness. (Okay, rant over..)

    I'm glad you say that you're conserving money, or whatever else you did to take care of this problem out of general necessity. I want to see lots of success for you!

    3487 days ago
    Well, no one answered me. But, I think I've taken care of this problem out of general necessity (not specifically aimed at the friend).
    3552 days ago
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