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Running Scared...

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

I'm frightened by what the scale is telling me. Apparently I can in fact gain weight... I got a new scale, to replace my non-working one. It's been a while. To my surprise my strengths and ability to move is improved though I've packed on 20 pounds. I am terrified. I'm not into dying just yet. I really am sitting here afraid of this typing just here now.

I'm afraid that I won't be able to fix this. I brought my groceries up the stairs last night and I honestly thought I was going to expire before I got them in the door. I felt my heart labor. I need to arrange local support. The elevator is not working, I guess I will just have to take the cart all the way down and around, because I don't think I should allow that myself to do that again.

So, I am taking my fear and turning it toward what I know. I know when I follow SparkPeople diet and log my food, I don't gain. And that has to start to stop right now. I will not over-react and not eat at all. I will just count the calories. I will log them. And I will make friends with fruit again and all will be so much less scary in my body right now.

Outside the thunder is booming and it suits my mood. I'm in high dungeon. I'm mad at and with Mother Nature. Me and her will have to work on this together.

At the grocery last night I met a man and chatted him up and it was fun flirting. He didn't ask for my number or try to hook up with me later, of course, I'm as big as I ever was, in my motorized shopping cart. It's just not attractive. I gotta get back to just huge instead of super huge. I don't want to over-achieve in the weight gain arena.

I hope I feel well enough to hit the gym. I wanna be a sore loser... It sure beats dying young. I have a swim suit they have a pool. It could happen.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JMARIES51
    Emma, it has been a month since we heard from you. Hope you are doing good and getting some swimming in. Would love to hear how you are doing. Joann
    3372 days ago
  • JIBBIE49
    emoticon I know you love to swim.
    You probably have Insulin Resistance/Metabolic Syndrome like I do, so we have to stay away from SUGARS/refined starches. They spike our Insulin and that leads to storing everything as FAT. Our brain thinks we aren't eating & it tells the stomach to pump out GHERLIN which is the hormone that makes us hungry. So, we want to eat MORE junk food. It is a vicious cycle that leads to high blood pressure, heart disease, etc.

    We just have to stay with lean meats, nuts, fruits like apples, berries, etc. emoticon
    3402 days ago
  • JESPAH
    There ya go - swimsuit, pool, make it happen.
    3404 days ago
  • RAYLINSTEPHENS
    that's the spirit! you can do it, one day and one habit at a time.


    3404 days ago
  • KIWIEVIE
    emoticon
    Make it happen!
    Go to the pool and exercise... It's better on the body!
    Good Luck with your Journey.
    emoticon
    3404 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.