geetting back on track
Monday, September 12, 2011
So I obviously have gotten off track...I finally got my period and it was one of the most painful and heavy periods I have ever had...with it came cravings that i just simply didnt feel like fighting...so I took some time off from my diet...and exercise...Luckily I didnt gain very much weight back, but now that I am trying to start back I am having a hard time. I am having to start all over with the headaches and the hunger feelings....so I am expecting to have a couple of hard days ahead of me...I already have a killer headache (and a bad head cold on top of that)...I am determined to get started again...No matter how hard it is...I have reminded myself why I am doing this in the first place...My health, I want a baby, and I just want to look good again...plain and simple.
A friend of mine took me to this ritzy mall in Atlanta yesterday...I normally dont go to malls because i am too fat to wear anything in there anyway...but we are both new to the Atlanta area so we decided to go. She just had a baby (11 weeks ago) and she is already back to a size 4...she looks great...so anyway...we were at the mall yesterday and every store we walked in, I could see the employees and other shoppers judging me...looking at me like "why is she in here, there is nothing in size fat in this store"...it was very embarrassing and heart breaking...and this is the reason I never want to go out of the house...the reason I am a hermit and stay in my house as much as possible...the reason I get so down and depressed about myself...I hate feeling this way...and I hate looking this way...I want to be proud of who I am and the way I look...I am hoping that one day (soon) I can be proud of myself...I know it is going to take hard work and dedication and Im willing to do it.