Is this the last of Jillybean25?
Tuesday, October 04, 2011
I have a confession: I'm not sure I'm going to be sticking with Spark or not in the near future. I feel very disconnected from the community on here in general. I know it's no one's job to be my keeper or even my friend for that matter, but I'm feeling lonely and isolated on the Spark webs.
I'm not doing so well on my journey right now. I'm stuck with a gallbladder that interferes with a decent portion of my life. I get lazy, lose motivation easily, and haven't made it out to a rally in some time. Its the people that are struggling that need the most encouragement, and sometimes (and this is my perspective only- I'm not saying this is the absolute truth for everyone) it seems like people are only congratulating and encouraging people that are doing well on their journey or who have reached their goals. Just how I see it, at least right now... Not always true, like I said.
Not to point fingers, because I know I take a lot of blame for this. I don't get to make it to rallies (I don't have a car and the buses are very limited on weekends) anymore like I used to. I dropped off the face of the SparkPeople earth for a while, so I'm sure many people just forgot about me. And I don't blame them at all. I came back after finding new motivation, a new spark... I completed the 28 Day Bootcamp, but only had a few cheerleaders on that journey (thank you for the encouragement, by the way! You know who you are!) I had a few friends add me, but then where did they go? They already have established SparkFriendships to nurture. I tried to reach out. I left comments on pages and blogs, left some Goodies here and there, huddle with my favorite team- Spark San Diego! I made myself blog a little more than I had been (which still didn't amount to much).
I feel like I put in some effort and got [next to] nothing in return. Hell, I'm not even sure who is actually going to take the time to read this blog.
I've enjoyed being on Spark. I love their trackers, not that I like tracking food, but exercise and other goals are usually worth my while. I read lots of the articles, utilize some of the recipes... I'm always reading people's blogs, but hardly ever comment since it doesn't seem to spark any sort of conversation. I feel like I don't have Spark Friends anymore. And I don't have anyone in my "real" life going on this journey (or a similar one) with me.
I feel like such a whiner with this blog. Like I'm being so negative. Like I'm accusing people of being bad friends. That's not what this blog is about. Its my honest feelings about how I really feel right now.
I can't even guarantee to always be there for someone else, either, and maybe that's the problem. Like a lot of people, life gets in the way sometimes. I get busy with homework or work or life in general and forget that there are people who need encouragement from me. I think I'd be more on top of checking in with people on their journeys if I had a little more consistent/established SparkFriends, too. If they check on me, I'll remember to check on them. And vice versa. Until, like exercising regularly or eating healthy, it becomes a habit- a part of this lifestyle change we're all trying to make.
I'm not asking to be convinced to stay. I'm not asking for permission to leave. I'm not asking for anything except a few minutes of your time to read this blog. Thank you.