Having A Hard Time Getting Through This Day:(
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Today my Mom would have been 58 yrs. old, but July last year she suffered a massive heart attack and she passed away. Its so hard because all I think about is how much she loved celebrating her birthday. She always said age is just number and was proud to be her age! My Mom was a Diabetic but never had to take medicine for it because she watched what she ate and took care of herself. Seeing my Mom go from this happy helping person to someone that could hardly get around was hard but doctor's kept saying she is going to get better, but she wasn't. The night before she passed away we went to see her and she was feeling better and the doctor's said she would be able to come home the next day. My Mom was so happy she couldn't wait to come home and play with her granddaughters. My 2 girls were my Moms life she loved them so much and they did her.
The next day my phone rang at 7:30 and it was a nurse saying my Mom had just taken a turn for the worse the doctor's were in with her to call back in 10 minutes because she would be moved to the ICU. That 10 minutes felt like hours and I did nothing but pray she would be okay when I called back. When I called back the nurse said wait just a minute I will get the doctor, and I felt so sick to my stomach I knew something was wrong. The doctor came on the phone and said they tried getting her heart to start back up but no luck she passed away 2 minutes before I called back. I had to ask the doctor 3 times are you sure she's no alive, I just couldn't bring myself to here the bad news.
After I got off the phone I just sat on the floor praying to God give me a miracle let her come back we needed her so bad. I had to call my Dad and get him to my house before I could tell him the news and it was the worse feeling because my Mom was his life and how would he get through this. I never ever saw my Dad cry in my life and seeing him break down just broke my heart. The worse part was telling Lindsey because she was only 3 at the time and didn't understand.
That day we had to go to the hospital to get her stuff and sign some forms, when we got there the nurse was so nice said I'm very sorry for your loss the little I knew your Mom she always at a positive attitude about everything. Then the nurse asked would you like to see her one last time we haven't moved her, before I could say no my Dad said yes please and I knew I had to go in with him. When we went in the room my Dad fell on her body and said please don't go I need you here with me. I just cried because she was the one person that held the family together and made ever work. When it was my turn to say my goodbye to her I didn't want to leave the room I wanted to stay with her, part of me felt like I was letting her down.
While everyone else was celebrating the fourth of July my family was mourning the death of my Mom one great lady that put everyone else before herself, and that's what so many people loved about her. The day of the funeral Lindsey was sitting on my bed talking while I was getting myself ready for the worse day of my life. When I asked her who she was talking to she said MeMe (that's what she called my Mom). An to this day I believe she was because she said MeMe wants us to know that she loves us and is in a good place no longer in pain and please know she will always watch over us. I said Lindsey please tell MeMe I love her and miss her, she then said she heard you Mommy and said she loves you to don't cry it will be okay.
Lindsey know 5 believes when it rains it my Mom up in Heaven watering her flowers, and when it pours its my Mom crying because she is missing us. I love how she gets me through the day. An believes my Mom lives on the moon and sees Lindsey get on the bus ever morning. Today when we got up it was pouring down rain outside and Lindsey says MeMe is said because she can't be here to celebrate her birthday with us. On the way out to the bus Lindsey looks up to the sky say HAPPY BIRTHDAY MeMe..I love you don't be said. An the tears came pouring out of my eyes.
Lindsey last year came up with the idea every year to celebrate my Moms birthday let balloon's go so my Mom can have them for her party up in Heaven. So are family gets together and does this, Saturday we will be getting together and celebrating a wonderful woman birthday:)
Sorry this blog is so long!