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The People You Expect To Be Supportive Can Be So Hurtful

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

So last night got together with some of my family for dinner, what I thought would be a great night quickly turned into a bad one. Some of my family took me aside and told me they feel I need to stop loosing weight that I'm starting to look like I'm sick. I was so crushed that my own family would say that to me. Yes I have lost a total of 62 pounds, but I have ton it by eating healthy and exercise. I explained to them that I already talked to my doctor about my weight loss and my doctor said for my age and height my healthily weight is around 120-125 pounds. They then say well maybe you should get another doctor..serious my doctor knows what she is talking about she has been doing this for years. Apart of me was hurt but another was angry they would say this to me. On both side of my family their are health risks such as high blood pressure, diabetes, strokes, and heart attacks. By taking care of myself I'm cutting out the high risk for these problems, and that's what I told them but they still didn't listen. So I turned to walk away and that's when I saw Lindsey my 5 yr. old standing behind me. Hoping she didn't hear the hurtful things that were said to be but she did. She gave me a big hug and a kiss and said Mommy I love the way you look and think your beautiful:) That brought a smile to my face, she always makes me feel better.

Before I would take there hurtful words to heart and grab any junk food that I could and just start eating and not caring. This time when I got home I decided to do some yoga and let the stress go away. An that made me more proud of myself and just forget all the hurtful words and move on.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You are doing great! Change of all kinds -both good and bad- have effects on the people around us. And very often they just don't know how to react to the change, in this case: the new you. Maybe they tend to look for the negative, maybe they feel intimidated by change, maybe... well: who knows (cares?) WHY they did that!?! Hopefully, time will bring balance to this situation. Many people are 'threatened' when a loved one changes; emoticon Now just to have the Good Fairy sprinkle a little Rational Thinking Dust on the other folks!! Time. In time they'll hopefully realize that you are doing fine!

    Your little one displayed a wonderful response to this hurtful incident; how proud you must be that she is so aware that love and compliments have more value than negativity!!
    From this experience, that moment should shine in your memories!
    3449 days ago
  • ROBINS78
    Hang in there. It sounds like you are fully aware of what is good for you! Congratulations on the great weight loss success!!!! YOu are being an excellent role model.

    Keep up the great work! emoticon
    3453 days ago
    oh there is soo much wrong with what happened when you said what your little girl said to you I cried a little. That is so wrong they would continue to say ANYTHING around her. I am so sorry but let me tell you. You are amazing that you stayed strong. They just are Jealous! It takes a lot of strength to lose 60+ lbs. That is awesome. That alone make you super woman then add kids a hubby and a mom in the house and you are now my hero!
    3456 days ago
    My experience is that if I weigh too much, I hear about that; when I begin to lose, I'm quickly told not to lose any more, I'm beginning to look sickly. Bottom line, do what feels right for YOU!!
    3457 days ago
  • UNICORN212
    You are making them look bad, and they do not like it! I am glad your DD was able to cheer you up. She is a sweetie!
    3459 days ago
  • KESHA1975
    Way to go! You have come to far to handle an emotional attack like that. So proud of you! emoticon
    3459 days ago
    emoticon I've been seeing this on a few other SparkBlogs - and I expect, as we move into family holiday season, there will be more reports of it - I can see this happening in my own family as I lose more weight (I'm currently at 35 lost), I come from a family of overweight people - the only time you usually see skinny is when someone is really sick - I don't know if your family is the same way - sometimes I wonder if it comes from a place of not wanting to be left behind, especially if everyone has been overweight (and unhappy about it) for a long time

    you are doing great - and yay! for making the healthy choice in the face of it
    3459 days ago
    Hugs. Nice job handling the stress of it, doing yoga!

    Sometimes those we love are so used to seeing us one way (and they relate to us at a certain weight, too!) that the change is scary to them. Sounds like you've got medical approval to back you, so just keep on doing what you need to do.
    3459 days ago
    Hang in there! Isn't it strange how the ones closest to us are always the ones to hurt us the most. My sister also made a comment to me that really hurt my feelings, but I look at it like this, hopefully she didnt actually mean it that way and even if she did its ok. This isnt about her, its about me, and a lifestyle that I embrace because I want to be healthy and live to see my granddaughter grow up (she is 2 now)! Its about how I feel, not anyone else! Focus on you and your health, and like my mom used to say, "give it to the dust and let the rain settle it". :) emoticon
    3459 days ago
    Good for you for doing yoga instead of emotional eating! Whenever someone in a family makes important changes, others start feeling uncomfortable. Somewhere in the back of their heads is the thought that maybe they need to change something in their life too. Just keep doing what you know you need to and let them get used to it. I know from personal experiences that they usually come around. Eventually they will be inspired by the changes they see in you!
    3459 days ago
  • JSPIN74
    (((hugs))) sounds like ur being wise & mindful & healthful...so sorry this happened....

    but thank the powers of the universe for our wonderful sweet supportive babies ;) right?

    anyway good for you (your progress/growth/wellness)
    3459 days ago
  • JANDK156
    I'd wager they are jealous of what a strong person you are, and have their own issues with your metamorphosis. Ignore them and do what you know is right for you, working with your doctor.
    3459 days ago
    Remember that your family loves you and that they want what's best for you. It sounds like you are doing all the right things, but I wouldn't interpret what they said as hurtful, more like concerned for your well-being. Do the right things for you and let your good health shine.
    3459 days ago
    It's always tough to deal with this situation. As long as you and your doctor are watching what you're doing, you just have to find a way to ignore the naysayers or bring them along into the fold. You already have the strength of change so I know you'll have the strength to continue on!
    3459 days ago
    Good for you!!!!! I had the same problem with one of my older sisters~she is obese and is following our family history of OBESITY~~overeating and noT exercising! I expected at least a little congratulations ,but no, she said" Well, you 've always been skinny {I notice the obese people in my family~primarily my two older sisters ALWAYS refer to normal,healthy weight individuals as "skinny"}. I know WHY she did this .So she would NOT HAVE to or be WILLING to ACKNOWLEDGE that hey, my younger sister is getting healhier and GOOD FOR HER! It would have to have HER ACKNOWLEDGE her OWN lack of effort and consequently,she would feel bad,so she tries to make ME feel that way instead! IT DIDN'T WORK! I DON'T LET MY FAMILY MEMBERS TRY TO WREAK HAVOC ON MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS! And you shouldn't either & YOU DIDN'T!!! Good for you and your little girl who is wiser than her older counterparts!!!!Age does NOT ALWAYS bring wisdom as in the case of my sisters! Besides, people like that are usually envious anyhow~which is silly ,b/c THEY COULD lose the weight if they TRIED!Hang in there!~~~Betsy
    3459 days ago
    Wow. This brought tears to my eyes. It's pretty apparent that your TRUE supporters are the one that matters the most: YOU and your precious daughter. I am so proud of you for sticking to your guns and doing what you need to do to make yourself feel the best that you can. It sounds to me that they are most likely feeling shame at their own inability to do something to better themselves and are taking it out on you. Because, if you stop then they won't have to feel bad about themselves. Keep up the amazing work. Your Spark-family is very proud of you!
    3459 days ago
    Good for you choosing the exercise over the emotional eating! It is so hard when the people who should be our biggest support system say things that unknowingly bring us down.
    3459 days ago
    Hugs, do what your Dr said, not sure why this happens that people make this type of comment but it does seem to happen to a lot of people.
    3459 days ago
    Oh, my. That is so frustrating that your family isn't behind you. But look at Lindsey, so wise for her age!! You are setting a healthy example! Listen to your dr., and to yourself. Your family probably just doesn't know how to embrace the new "you", but I'm sure it will get better in time. emoticon
    3459 days ago
    Don't take it to heart. It was an ignorant thing to do!
    3459 days ago
    I think our families are the worst sometimes. My in-laws and I got into a heated discussion about us working out w/the kids too much... seriously? Then they got ticked because my son has severs (nothing serious) and his dr.said it was ok to keep playing football and working out but they know all and said I needed to stop immediately.. It took me a while but I finally don't let it bother me but I also limit my time with them. Our family (Hubby, kids and me) decided we were going to head down a healthier lifestyle and if they can't cope with it then fine. I won't push it on you but don't tell me to stop either!

    Keep your head high, you are doing the right thing! Keep up the excellent work!!!
    3459 days ago
  • JESSICA2140
    My family is not very supportive either...but I'm doing this for me, not anyone else, so I tune them out!! You have to accept that all opinions/adivce are not GOOD opinions/advice...even if the people giving it love you! For example, my grandmother espouses the virtue of drinking 10 cups of coffee per day, eating a tomato with mayo on it for lunch, and "drinking" dinner...she loves me lots, but that is still WILDLY stupid advice! You're doing great...don't let the haters bring you down! (Even if they are related to you!)
    3459 days ago
  • MSBLT82
    Perhaps they are jealous of all your success? I'm so sorry they aren't giving you the support you deserve. **hugs**
    3459 days ago
  • no profile photo EJHEINRICH1
    Sounds like sabotage to me! Keep your HEALTHY outlook and don't look back! ;-)
    3459 days ago
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