Why I'm not looking forward to the holidays!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
This has NOTHING to do with weight loss or weight gain! This is also very personal so if you get embarrassed reading personal things or don't want to know my business then don't read this! First I want to talk about the things I'm thankful for! I am very thankful for my wonderful husband that has been my support system for years and that has loved me unconditionally throughout our whole relationship! I am also thankful for my amazing children! I ha 1 diabetes since I was 6 and never thought I would be able to have a healthy baby let alone 3! I am also very lucky to have the best dad in the whole world! My dad is someone that has always been there for me! He is a great guy and I thank God everyday for him! Last but not least I'm thankful for my friends! I have been friends with a lot of my friends since Elementary and middle school! All the friends I have in my life I would do anything for and visa versa! They are all wonderful people that I am so lucky to have in my life!
Now for the things I'm not so thankful for! My mom is bipolar and although I know that a part of her loves me she would have moments while I was growing up where she would be mean and hateful to me! She was really jealous of how close my dad and I were because that was attention he wasn't giving her! She told me when I was 6 that she hated me and wished she had never had me! She got mad about something one day and dumped out all of my drawers and told me to clean it all up! There was food in our house that was only for my dad and pop in my house that was only for my uncle! I drank one of my uncles pops one day and I had to pay my mom back for it and I got grounded! Lots of times it was very tense being around her and lots of time it was a blast.......she would make tents for me and my friends, she would surprise me when things from the store, I had fun birthday parties (we would tye dye shirts, have scavenger hunts, and play games)! She was always really jealous of anyone and my dad! She wouldn't let him get a job one time because his boss was a woman! When I was 14 she went to EMT school and met someone and started cheating on my dad! One time my mom told me we were gonna go to my grandparents cottage and when I got there her boyfriend was there and was coming to the cottage with us (I couldn't drive so I was stuck)! By the way a couple years ago he got arrested for molesting his step-daughter! They were together for a couple months and then he broke up with her and her whole world crashed! She got really depressed and wouldn't shower or get out of bed! She finally kinda got her life together! She ended up going to rehab and she met a guy in rehab! You are not supposed to date people you meet in rehab but they did and they are still together! About a year and a half after they met my mom ended up losing her nursing license because she was writing fake prescriptions to people for medicine she wanted! During the couple years after that I got called numerous times saying she was going to kill herself or saying she had tried and needed me to come over! I would go to see things broken all over her apartment and blood everywhere (I was still in high school)! On top of all the prescription meds she took she was also a severe alcoholic! A few years later she actually got her life together however that didn't last long! She is not a happy drunk so I would get the calls from her being mean and hateful or not making any sense! My stepdad also got arrested 3 times in 3 months for drugs! He lies for her when I ask if she's drinking he says no (when she is)! I always get the calls from her or him or the cops! My husband has had to go to her house and clean up blood all over her front door and front entrance way because she was so drunk she fell and cracked her head open and my grandma was going to go over there to get her dog and we didn't want my grandma to see all the blood! She has showed up to my kids birthday parties drunk and one time we met her for lunch not realizing she was messed up and she told my daughter in a couple days she was going to pick her up and take her to have her nails done! She probably didn't remember saying it but my daughter did and I had to tell her that grandma is sick so she can't ride in the car with her! My kids have seen her drunk and my daughter asked me about it one time because she knows that's not how people act when their sick so I told her about alcoholism and that that's what's wrong with grandma It is very important that they know how serious it is! Both of my grandma's and my mom are or were alcoholics! It runs in both sides of my family and I need the kids to understand how serious it is so they don't end up with the same problems!
Now to the point of the story! About two years ago we had an intervention for my mom! My uncle that wasn't there said that if I was going to say I wasn't going to talk to her anymore then I needed to stick to it.......which I didn't! So a year ago she was drunk and starting be hateful! She compared me smoking cigarettes to her being an alcoholic (I had quit smoking 7 months before) after I hung up the phone I decided I was done! I have tried talking to her, helping her get into rehab, being supportive when she was sober, and offering to take her to meetings so this is the only thing I hadn't tried! All I have ever wanted was my mom because the person she is when she's drinking is not my mom! I told my grandparents that if my mom had to work I would be at Thanksgiving but if she was going to be there I wouldn't because a holiday is not the day for a fight! When my 18 year old cousin asked me why I wasn't going I said that I wasn't sure what she knew but that my mom is an alcoholic and is drinking again and I didn't want to be around it! She said she knew because she had overheard my aunt and uncle talking about it lots of times! I had tried to call my uncle numerous times to talk about what was going on thinking he would be proud of me because I had finally done what he said!
So onto Christmas! My stepdad called and left me a message on Christmas Eve saying they weren't going to be at my grandparents because my mom had to work so we ended up going to my grandparents house! While I was there I found out my mom was actually in the hospital drying out! I found out later that she was so bad she had to have a blood transfusion! I went into my grandparents office to talk to my uncle.......this is the only thing I regret was doing this on Christmas however I thought he would be proud! He pretty much said that he talked to my mom and she promised him she wasn't drinking so the only thing wrong with her is that her only daughter wasn't talking to her and she has been so upset that she couldn't eat or drink anything! He asked me if I just wanted her to die! He said that I need to get over everything from my past and that my grandma was so upset that she almost cancelled Christmas! He said that whether she was drinking or not I should let my kids see her and I was horribly selfish to keep them way from her even when she's drinking! He said that if I think she's drinking I should just ask her along with a ton of other mean things! He also said that I was using my close relationship with my cousin to try to get her to hate my mom! When I left the room I went to the bathroom to calm myself down and when I left the bathroom he was standing there (by where the whole family was) and he said that he supports any decision I make (although he said the opposite when we talked) I said that he was dead to me! I left in tears and spent the rest of the day sobbing!
First of all you can't ask an alcoholic if their drinking! Next your going to believe the alcoholic when she promises that she's not drinking and the only thing wrong with her is that she couldn't eat because she was so upset (by the way yes she was in there due to drinking)! I have always been there for my mom and me trying to help her is so she doesn't die! I totally agree with my decision to keep my kids away from here when she's drinking! Last but not least I don't want anyone to hate my mom! My cousin knew she was an alcoholic because she had overheard her mom and dad talking about it not because of me and I just answered why I wasn't going!
A couple months later I started talking to her because she is in bad shape and I know she won't be alive much longer! In June I went to talk to my grandma! By the way my uncle and his kids are the chosen ones! My grandma said that I had missed understood everything he said and she doesn't understand why we can't come together and pretend to be a big happy family on holidays! She also said that the whole family disagrees with my decision to tell my daughter about my moms problems and that she doesn't believe that my daughter could tell when my mom was messed up! It's really not hard she can't talk or make sense, she can't drink out of a straw, she can't walk and yes my daughter can tell that she's not just sick!
I have tried everything to not be like the people in my family with addictions! I've never had a drug problem or a drinking problem! I have never been arrested or gotten into any trouble! Yes I was addicted to cigarettes and I quit smoking almost 2 years ago! I have tried to do everything right and I'm the one that is getting told off! They are treating me like I'm the one that has done something wrong! My uncle doesn't ever call to check on my mom, never visits her and gives her support when she's in rehab or calls her after she gets out! He doesn't have to clean up her blood or get the hateful calls or see his sister killing herself one drink at a time! I do think he loves her but it's hard for me to listen to advice from someone that doesn't do anything to help! I am a very routine person and I have spent thanksgiving and christmas with my family almost every year since I was born! I'm not talking to any of them and I think daily about the fact that my family could think these things about me! Every time I think about the upcoming holidays I get upset and what happened keeps playing in my head! Sorry to make this so long but here is a little bit of my life!
P.S- My uncle blamed me being upset about the things he said on hormones! He said "oh my, you girls need to get your hormones ubder control"! Seriously!