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Thanksgiving Meltdown

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Let me start by saying, I hate this time of the year. I wish I could make the days between October 31st and January 1st disappear from the calendar.

I'm a compulsive person who wishes to please everyone. That way I get some positive vibes back which I need desperately. I'm an adult without an ego, without a good self-image, so I need to get it from others. This becomes very stressful and I get very angry with myself. So goes the vicious cycle.

A month ago, in an attempt to get my weight under control, I joined Curves. The membership is being paid for by my senior health insurance plan. I can come and go at my own time, work at my own pace and meet others like me who are trying their best to stay healthy while facing their senior years.

Last Tuesday I weighed myself to find that I had gained 5 (FIVE) pounds in one week! I collapsed mentally. I forgot that I was creating muscle which weighs more than fat.

For days, I believed I was a failure, the worst person in the world. I wanted to crawl into a cave and disappear. Instead, I had to go to dinner with my daughter and her family who had just arrived from Arkansas for Thanksgiving. I had to go to Thanksgiving dinner (w/o my partner who won't go anywhere there are crowds or kids - even though I needed him with me).

Finally, Thanksgiving was over and things calmed down for a day. My daughter and family are visiting others and will return tonight. In the meantime, something "clicked" in me and I decided I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do. Yesterday was a blessing: calm, peaceful and relaxing.

Next Sunday I leave for my third Caribbean cruise with my best fibro friend. I had been dreading that, too. But not anymore. We're going to spend 12 days together doing whatever we want. Christmas shopping is over so there won't be a frenzy of purchasing when I return. And, no one is getting Christmas cards this year. Most of those I send out are to people I've never even met. How ridiculous is that!

Happy holidays to all - and please, for your sake, make them truly happy! Do what you want to do, not what's expected of you.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am so happy that you are feeling better and still going on your trip. It was a lousy week for you but here you are pulling yourself up by your bootstraps!!!! Way to go my friend!!! Please do enjoy your cruise and make lots of memories. Schedule time to rest--your fibro friend will understand and probably appreciate it too! I am glad that you are feeling ready for the holidays so you don't get too overwhelmed.

    Kathy emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3258 days ago
    I'm glad you are in better spirits. I am sure you will have a wonderful time on your cruise! emoticon
    3259 days ago
    Just found out that extreme anger and rage can be caused by fibromyalgia. Let's see, what else can I blame on fibromyalgia: a hangnail, thinning hair, fungal toenails, losing height.
    3259 days ago
    Hey! WEIGHT isn't what we're trying to lose! Let's say it straight out, it's FAT we want to shed! I'm doing my best to gain bone weight and muscle weight, and if that means the scale doesn't say nice things to me, well I know better than it does! (Then there's water weight from all that salt too....)

    Thanksgiving is a sweet time of year, time to gather the fruits of our long term efforts in pursuing good health. (Are you stronger for going to Curves?)
    3261 days ago
    Nancy, I am glad that the sunshine has come back out for you. Enjoy that cruise and indulge yourself! Your friend will understand the importance of rest and the sunshine. Don't forget to make allowances for the delayed onset travel fatigue. It always hits me on the second day of travel and the day after I get home.
    3262 days ago
    Nancy, so sorry you hada bad week but that things have gotten better. We have been missing you. Have a very wonderful cruise and relax and enjoy your friend.

    Hugs and Prayers, Vicki
    3262 days ago
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