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"Little" Ol' Me

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

So here's my first blog. I am writing this for me more than anything. I have had such a horrible attitude lately and I want to change that. One way I have always found to bannish a bad mood is to talk it out. Maybe my venting will hit home with someone and make them feel a little better too.

So here goes:

I feel ashamed of myself sometimes for feeling so down in the dumps when I should be grateful for all of the blessings that have been given to me this year. So then I try to figure out why I am so down in the dumps and I can never really come up with an answer. So then I get madder at myself for being all mopey for no good reason. My husband comes home from work and asks me why I look so sad and I really can't think of a reason.

For goodness sake, I have this brand new kidney, doing all the things a kidney is supposed to do. My goodness I haven't had that in more than 10 years! I don't have to sit around attached to a machine for 3 hours a day watching all my blood leave and re-enter my body! If we want to jump in the car and go on a road trip we can. Great Hubby, great dog, Great job. Life is pretty good, right?

I could just blame it on depression, difficulty adjusting to my new found freedom. I have no idea what to do with all this free time now. I got so used to being tied down that I think I must have forgotten how to LIVE! But I don't like the word depressed. Its just so depressing. I've always been such a positive person. I have rarely had reason to be positive, but I have always managed to maintain that optomistic attitude. Glass half full girl, that was me.

Even with my weight. I always had a pretty good body image. I always thought I was sexy and attractive. But lately, I can't hardly even stand to look at myself. My husband is a sweetie and is always telling me I look good. His nick name for me is Prettiest Girl, even after being married for 4 years! He likes my curves and just wants me to be healthy. Now I get up in the morning and dread having to find something to wear because all of my clothes are too small. And can't afford to buy new ones! So weekends come around and I just don't even feel like getting dressed.

So in short, my big motivation at this point is to get my positive attitude back! I feel like a slug and I don't like feeling like a slug!

TODAYS GOALS
Get to the grocery store
Meal Plan for the rest of the week
Eat something healthy for dinner

Stay tuned. Hopefully future blogs will be less mopey and more peppy!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • RUNNERRACHEL
    you NEVER have to feel bad about your feelings. They are feelings. There is no right or correct way to feel. If you feel bad it's ok. There are things you can do to change that. I see a therapist and I said recently "I should be happy. I am on vacation from work..." he stopped me and said "you don't have to feel that you "should" feel a certain way. Feelings are just feelings..." I asked him how to deal with depression. The first thing he said was 'exercise' so if you are not doing 5 or 10 min a day of walking/movement/ something you enjoy you can start there! You don't have to feel guilty. If you acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to just be then you can find out where they come from. it may be from adjusting to your transplant. If you haven't seen a counselor you might want to check that out. It's an emotional as well as a physical change you might want to explore.

    Moving and taking care of yourself WILL help you feel better. And if that works, great! And if not, you might want to seek out counseling or other options. You don't have to feel bad about feeling down.

    I've always been a positive person, too. This winter has been rough for me. I have been feeling down, unmotivated. What has helped me is exercising. I've started Body Groove (if you are looking for exercise ideas this is the BEST...in my opinion, at least). Check out the website, bodygroove.com and they also offer 3 free videos of 5 min each so if you want a 5, 10 or 15 min workout it's a great idea. It's dance but free of inhibitions, perfection, or a "right" way to move. You just move. It's very freeing. I read a blog about it on the Daily Spark Blog, tried the videos, loved it so much that I ordered it. Anyway, just an idea if you need some exercise ideas.

    let me know if you want help...I'm here to help support and encourage my Spark friends. I have been so encouraged and my life has changed in the last year so much in ways I never dreamed possible.

    I hope you can experience the same!

    emoticon
    3072 days ago
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