A New Year, A New Day
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
In 2010, I had such hope and promise for a new me, a new start, a new forever. I accomplished much that year--lost 55 lbs, did my first 5k and 10k and finished the year with my fastest 5k ever running at a 12:48/mi pace. I was so excited. Then, in Feb, some tough stuff that started my year off caught up with me and I started to fall off the wagon. I persevered until about June and then I am pretty sure I gave the wagon the finger and barely gave it a second look. I attempted to start again on my last weigh in during 2011 on October 3 when I weighed in at 217. I had hit my below 190 goal at 189 on Feb 7, 2011, but was already at 197 by April 25th when I was attempting to get my act together by doing clean eating. The focus on food actually sent me over the edge and into the deep end. My obsession turned into binge eating and continually escalated. I can't recall the last time I actually exercised though I know it was sometime in November or December at the gym with a friend. When I weighed myself last week, I was at 233.2.
Sadly, even the number on the scale wasn't enough to get me right with myself. I kept thinking about it, but I didn't want to do anything because it's hard, takes effort, and I had more excuses than I had desire at the time. Until I went to put on a pair of slacks (size 16) that I had to buy when I started my new job in November and the loose pair was too tight. So tight, in fact, that when I went to sit down in them the stress of my confined body popped some stitches in the rear. Unreal! Here I am again. Not nearly where I was, but on my way and FAST. Putting the weight on is always way easier than taking it off.
The hardest thing for me in this journey is keeping my head in the game and that is also the only way to find success. Weight loss and achievement are so tied to one's ability to believe they can and to take the steps to make it happen. It can't be done by sheer will power--the studies prove that--but the right mental attitude about oneself and having success really do help you get to the end goal. My "I can't" attitude and the "I don't wanna" mentality have stymied me over and over again.
So, I start over. Just like in 2010, I will take it a little at a time. Getting my eating in order. Focus on drinking water. Then, add in exercise. I am back to journaling my food, keeping my water bottle filled and at hand and when my negative words start to swirl, I stop and correct myself and my thinking. YES I CAN do this. YES I WILL do this. One spark streak at a time!